I broke my own rule

[catgirl1927]

I am ALWAYS on here going on and on about NEVER snooping. I talk constantly about how disrespectful and immature it is, and how if you go looking for something, no matter what you see, you'll think you found something.

 

Well, there is right now egg all over my face. This weekend my BF was downstairs, I was in the bedroom and his phone was on the bed. He text messages constantly, and usually tells me it's with his friends. They do that, he's shown them to me before.

 

I couldn't resist. Or rather, I DIDN'T resist. I should have.

 

So. There were a number of texts from an "L. Langley" on Saturday. They were pretty innocuous, very short. But I have no idea who that person is.

 

I checked the sent items. One of them said, "How is it? Is Erick gettin' crunk?" (My BF says stuff like that as a joke) "I want to, I need a drink" and the next one was, "I wud cum but nate mite cry"

 

I have no idea what that means. IF it even means anything. But in my mind, this is a girl, and she has a boyfriend Nate, and my BF and she are having an affair that they are hiding from both of us.

 

Now, my BF's attitude toward me has not changed. He spends all his time with me. I ALWAYS know where he is, not because I'm obsessive, but because I just always seem to know. I have no idea who this person is, and I'm embarrassed to ask. It's a local number, so it's not an old pal from his home town or anything.

 

I always tell people to trust their gut. My gut tells me that while I honestly do not believe there is anything physical going on, I'm not a hundred percent this is legit. I also know that if it IS a girl that I don't know, if I ask him he will lie to me. He has told me before that his friends don't always tell their girlfriends/wives everything, because girls get upset over things they shouldn't and not telling them spares them getting all upset. This makes me not trust him. If HE doesn't think it's cheating, then he'll lie to me about it to keep from having an altercation.

 

So now I'm a little sick to my stomach and I'm having to be very careful not to be short with him. He could tell something was wrong yesterday morning, and shortly thereafter he was playing with his phone so I bet you anything those messages are gone now. Which makes me sad, I shouldn't be the kind of person who snoops. I am embarassed that he would think I would do that. I am also aware that the most innocuous thing can look suspicious to a person who is looking for something to get upset about.

 

There's really nothing anyone can do for me here. I've made my bed and have to lie in it now. Ugh. DON'T SNOOP!

[Sal Paradise]

I agree that unless you have legit reasons to suspect infidelity you shouldn't snoop because as you say you could misinterpret something harmless.

 

That being said now that you've opened Pandora's Box I'm not sure what else you can do to fix this. If you snoop more you will feel guilty. If you don't snoop you will drive yourself nuts. You should ask your boyfriend and tell him what you did. Of course by doing so if something is going on he will be better at covering his tracks in the future (and if something is going on 99% chance he won't tell you if you ask him, the act of cheating is a lie in itself why would a liar suddenly become honest about a lie as big as infidelity?).

 

So yes you're in a tough spot. In general I think its best to be honest with him and ask him. At least if you ask you have come clean about your snooping and you give him the chance to tell you the truth or to lie. Either way eventually you will find out. And if he is being faithful you can move past this knowing you came clean and were honest with your boyfriend. If he is cheating and lies, eventually you will suspect something again and can snoop with a clean conscious since he would of had the chance to come clean himself and didn't.

[catgirl1927]

See, the thing is, I have wrongfully accused him before. I would get drunk (no excuse), get unreasonable and really hurt his feelings. He's been cheated on and had his heart broken just like me, and wouldn't ever do that to someone. I should not have snooped. If he's cheating on me, I will find out. I really don't think he is. My imagination is my greatest enemy. The message here is, DON'T SNOOP.

[a4a]

Just curious CG (no disrespect meant here).

 

Do you think reading all the "cheating" threads on LS motivated you to do a little snooping?

 

I will admit that in my past if I viewed a movie which showed an affair ect I would think ............. HUMMMMM Could this be happening in my relationship?

[catgirl1927]

Just curious CG (no disrespect meant here).

 

Do you think reading all the "cheating" threads on LS motivated you to do a little snooping?

 

I will admit that in my past if I viewed a movie which showed an affair ect I would think ............. HUMMMMM Could this be happening in my relationship?

 

I think you are so right about that. I do think reading about all the cheating makes me paranoid.

[Chinook]

In my experience, if a man is cheating... that phone would NEVER be out of his reach and if it were... he most certainly WOULD NOT leave messages on the phone from Saturday... in particular from a girl. It sounds to me like it's purely innocuous and you're driving yourself nuts about it. Why don't you just casually ask him...? Explain that the phone beeped whilst you were there and you took a peek. There's nothing wrong with that, if my xM's phone had beeped when he was out of the room, I'd always look at it and always reply for him!!!

[catgirl1927]

I found out who it was. It's a girl at work, I have met her several times and she's very nice. Her son is Erick, and Nate is her boyfriend, whom Erick does not like because he is mean to her. If my BF went there, he would probably beat the crap out of him for being abusive to her. So that's all it was. So I was freaking out over nothing.

[a4a]

I found out who it was. It's a girl at work, I have met her several times and she's very nice. Her son is Erick, and Nate is her boyfriend, whom Erick does not like because he is mean to her. If my BF went there, he would probably beat the crap out of him for being abusive to her. So that's all it was. So I was freaking out over nothing.

 

 

Oh no your bf is being protective of this girl he works with? She comes to him to cry on his shoulder? He feels the need to save her from her abusive bf?

 

Sounds like potential for "it just happened in a moment of weakness" to me.

 

OMG........ I am so just pulling your leg! But it is funny how our minds will make us think such things up when we aren't quite sure of things yet.

 

You cannot stop him from cheating on you...... but you always have the option of jarring his balls on your mantle if he ever does. I hope that brings some comfort to you

 

Not all men are cheaters, some have honor.

[catgirl1927]

I know you're right!!! Hehe, you had me going for just a second, I was like, this post is so out of character for her...

[a4a]

Not trying to jack your thread but paranoia seems to be the theme.

 

So what do you think if your H mistakenly takes your cell phone instead of his to work...... when your phone is a tad different and his has a crack in the screen....... Mistake or is he checking up on me?

 

Funny he called me here with it and wondered why I did not have him listed in my phone book as Home, I have him listed under his name.

 

So he is so going through my phonebook and probably my voice mail ect :lmao:

 

Wonder what could have set off this never seen before "snooping" ?

[catgirl1927]

Not trying to jack your thread but paranoia seems to be the theme.

 

So what do you think if your H mistakenly takes your cell phone instead of his to work...... when your phone is a tad different and his has a crack in the screen....... Mistake or is he checking up on me?

 

Funny he called me here with it and wondered why I did not have him listed in my phone book as Home, I have him listed under his name.

 

So he is so going through my phonebook and probably my voice mail ect :lmao:

 

Wonder what could have set off this never seen before "snooping" ?

 

Clearly you're a big pumpkin eating cheaterpants. SLOOOOT!

 

I've gotten calls at work from my cell phone. Then I answer and he goes, "Where is your phone???" I usually tell him it was stolen by pirates.

[a4a]

Alas I am a whore.

 

But he will not purchase expensive gifts nor does he offer me much in the way of lawn maintainence. So what is a girl to do but to whore around?

 

Actually I did kid around stating I will find a rich man to give me my lagoon pool if one is not installed before the heat wave really hits here.

 

I also have demanded that my Camel be delivered promptly and that it come with the training to kush already.

 

Now if he cannot simply fulfill those minor requests what kind of a relationship do we have?

 

funny tho that he did go through my phone, very out of character for him to do so. kinda cute in a way.

[catgirl1927]

I go on and on about privacy, but if I don't log out of my email he's been know to look at my inbox and see what's there, and he will read my IMs if they are left on the screen. I don't think he's checking up on me, I think he's just nosy.

[TeaCooler]

still seems odd to me.

 

i don't know.

 

glad you're feeling better, anyway.

[aleatoryd]

... and then the paranoia starts again TeaCooler. No point looking for something that isn't there. Besides it seems we can make things worse just by thinking them - negative thoughts have a subconscious affect on how we act and interpret things. Take psychosomatic illness - illness created by our own mind much like the hypochondriac.

 

Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?

[TeaCooler]

... and then the paranoia starts again TeaCooler. No point looking for something that isn't there. Besides it seems we can make things worse just by thinking them - negative thoughts have a subconscious affect on how we act and interpret things. Take psychosomatic illness - illness created by our own mind much like the hypochondriac.

 

 

uh...well, seeing as how i am talking about her situation and what i got from that, you're kinda off. well, okay, way way way off.

 

catgirl's cool and all, but i am not exactly paranoid about her situation. she's a big girl, and she's no dummy. she'll figure it out.

 

it just seems odd to me. and that's okay.

 

would i think differently if i were in her situation? maybe, maybe not; i don't know, i'm not in it.

 

here i am, just a mere observer, and you should understand that not everything everyone says is going to be fact-based or proven......there are opinion and ideas too, and even sometimes mistaken ones!

 

auuughhhhhhhh!!!!