justagirliegirl Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Now that is healthy ... where did you learn covert/coverup as a relationship tool ? Because I was snooping. I am just chilling right now but if anything else comes up with him, I will talk to him about the issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 From what I have seen you guys are pissed off because it is a guy that she is snooping on.. If the roles were reversed and it was a guy snooping on his GF you guys would be all over him... My viewpoint won't change in a role reversal.. Same rules for both parties always Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 all i have to say is TRIST your gut!!! i have ben ignoring mine, and have just ended a 3.5yr. realtionship because he is sooo stupid enough to use the xact same password + a numeral that i already had access too. almost like it was blatant. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Because I was snooping. I am just chilling right now but if anything else comes up with him, I will talk to him about the issues. Cool... that sounds like a plan .. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 If the roles were reversed and it was a guy snooping on his GF you guys would be all over him... If it was a guy posting the same thing about his girl, I'd be giving the same exact feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 If it was a guy posting the same thing about his girl, I'd be giving the same exact feedback. Ditto yep Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 From what I have seen you guys are pissed off because it is a guy that she is snooping on.. If the roles were reversed and it was a guy snooping on his GF you guys would be all over him... My viewpoint won't change in a role reversal.. Same rules for both parties always Whoa now that's possibly the biggest offence I ever suffered on LS. Touche!!! He called me a feminist! Jokes aside was that to me as well or to the other posters? Did you read it well? Need me to convert the imaginary trusting message to say "Awww she is so popular! Love this about her talking to other men that can't have her!" for you to tell me if it's ever a possible post on the matter? I wholeheartedly agree, one should NOT snoop. The reason why I do though is because no amount of trust can survive even potentially innocent results of detective work. And last but not least no, it has nothing to do with gender, one of the blessed things one learns after helping both of them for years, we're all absolutely alike when it comes to emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Isn't snooping in itself an untrustworthy act ? YES I always was taught that 2 wrongs do not make a right Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Snooping is mandatory in a relationship to know what the real deal is. You can't trust anyone more than yourself realisticly despite how much love is involved. Then you might as well hire a PI and have your spouse followed when you're not around. WTF. That's a sad, sad way of living a life with the one you love, to HAVE to snoop to make sure that the person isn't lying. Also, where do you draw the line? If one is insecure, just about ANYTHING will make 'em have doubts. Talking to another person of the opposite sex, a casual lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex...etc.. Come on! Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Isn't snooping in itself an untrustworthy act ? YES I always was taught that 2 wrongs do not make a right I really think you're missing my point here and it's possibly my fault for not expressing it well enough. If you read above I did not advice she keeps the detective hat on. And I absolutely agreed it was a bad idea to put it on in the first place. But why bother with it now? The wrong has been done. I also agreed in several places that communication is mandatory in general and in her situation in particular. I only reacted to your claim that it would make the amounts of trust she may still be having for this guy disolve by saying it's probably far too late now. AND then reacted to you claiming that opinion was based on her being a woman. Dazzall. Now get that pretty avatar back. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 That's reaching to call snooping an untrustworthy act AC. It is a means of verification and discovering the truth. Whichway is up, where you draw the line is what you are describing, to snoop in all instances and having a PI following your SO around. In isolated instances, it can be justified especially when he lied to her to begin with, she has reason not to take his word for it and discover the truth herself. Even if takes some work and is not so easy. Not to do so is to be naive and get fooled. Recently I spent 5 days at the man's house who I am dating. I used his computer and went into his menu to look at the files he has. I saw one that had a seductive title of a girl. I was tempted to open it but the only reason I didn't was because he was a few feet away from me and was scared I'd get caught. I see nothing wrong if I were to have opened that file. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 I really think you're missing my point here and it's possibly my fault for not expressing it well enough. Nah.. I got it this time.. thanks for staying with me.. Communication glitch over.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 So, why didn't you just come right out and ask him? Because now, the next time you're alone and get some time on his computer (I could be wrong here) I think you're going to look and check out what he has on HIS computer. If you see nothing wrong if you were to open that file, then why didn't you even if he was just standing close by? I agree with LB, go with your gut, but instead of snooping, ask! Just come right out and tell him something doesn't feel quite right. Snooping is wrong, but I do think it has to be done as a last resort, needing proof etc...All depends on the situation and what the info will be used for/against. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 That's reaching to call snooping an untrustworthy act AC. . How ? explain how it is not ?... The act of snooping on a partner damages the trust bond between the two.. making it an untrust worthy act because the other partner will have a tough time trusting the other because of the snooping. Do a test for me : Snoop on your BF and then tell him you did .. See if he thinks it breaks the trust he has for you. See where I'm coming from ?.. communication will keep the bond .. snooping breaks it It is almost like cheating on someone because they cheated on you Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 If you see nothing wrong if you were to open that file, then why didn't you even if he was just standing close by? Snooping means without the other person's knowledge. That's why I didn't open it in front of him or ask permission to. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Trust your gut....... it tells no lies, i have been ignoring mine! Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Do a test for me : Snoop on your BF and then tell him you did .. See if he thinks it breaks the trust he has for you. See where I'm coming from ?.. communication will keep the bond .. snooping breaks it It is almost like cheating on someone because they cheated on you Why tell him I snooped? That would defeat the purpose. Snooping is supposed to be kept secret unless you are collecting evidence to choose to confront them with it or choose to tell. If he doesn't know, it will not break any trust, but enlighten the snooper of information they might otherwise not be aware of. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Trust your gut....... it tells no lies, i have been ignoring mine! Yeah.. the gut seems to see things that we can't see because of our rose colored glasses.. I have always used my gut.. even in business and at work.. Hiring I use my gut.. business moves the same thing.. They are rarely wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Why tell him I snooped? That would defeat the purpose. Snooping is supposed to be kept secret unless you are collecting evidence to choose to confront them with it or choose to tell. If he doesn't know, it will not break any trust, but enlighten the snooper of information they might otherwise not be aware of. Okay... I'm going to call it a truce.. I seem to hold honesty to a higher regard than you.. I hold honesty to high regards in all my relationships too. I would never cross the line of privacy and snoop on my partner.. that I believe is self defeating and damaging to the relationship. I respect your opinion.. but I don't agree with it Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Yeah.. the gut seems to see things that we can't see because of our rose colored glasses.. I have always used my gut.. even in business and at work.. Hiring I use my gut.. business moves the same thing.. They are rarely wrong i bet you have a smart gut then.... Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Cheers. One last thing is that I value honesty just as much as you do which is why snooping is important because it helps to get to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Okay... I'm going to call it a truce.. I respect your opinion.. but I don't agree with it Cheers Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Cheers. One last thing is that I value honesty just as much as you do which is why snooping is important because it helps to get to it. ANNNDDDDD...... if they told in the first place....then you wouldn't have to snoop! Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 ANNNDDDDD...... if they told in the first place....then you wouldn't have to snoop! In an ideal world!!! Yes indeed!!! But if your gut tells you theyr'e not then SNOOP. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 In an ideal world!!! Yes indeed!!! But if your gut tells you theyr'e not then SNOOP. AMEN! especially if they are stupid enough NOt to decode the password a little better! Link to post Share on other sites
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