Um, THE BIGGEST PROBLEM IN THE WORLD.

[Worried7]

..Or pretty close

 

Okay..haha this is so bad that I'm sitting here having hysterical laughing spells at how much trouble I am in with my parents.

 

I will tell you right now that the drama in my life never seems to end, but this HOPEFULLY will be the biggest problem I will ever have to deal with in my lifetime, & in my opinion it is far worse than coming out saying I'm gay, or confessing that I will be a teen parent in 9 months & thankfully I won't have to ever confess those to things..but nope this is far worse.And you guys will be the very first ppl to know this in existence that i have been hiding from them for almost three years now. This will probably be one of the most interesting things you will ever read in your lifetime..This post will be very very long but I'm going to need so much help on this one, so thankyou for your patience if you read it & please respond.

 

Here goes:

 

It all started back in November 2003, when I was in an MTV chat room. I met this guy, let's just call him Bob. We were into the same things..& I like NEVER ever got into chat rooms it was a wierd coinsedence. So since we had so much in common I decided to add him to my Msn Messenger list. Well we started talking, and I was being very careful because I know how crazy people are on the interenet, there are rapists & all kinds of stuff. We ended up talking every single day & really really started to fall for eachother it was so wierd. Cuz i am NOT the type of person to talk to people over the internet. I didn't tell any of my friends about him. Well, a year later, after I knew for sure he wasn't some murderer or something else..we decided to meet. He said he would fly up here first.

So to do that, we would have to come up with a story that would let us meet without my parents thinking we met on the internet. That is where we got in trouble. I told him I met him at summer church camp & he was from [ a small town] near [the town that the camp is in]. I said that he grew up [where he is living ( he really did) & was just in that town for a couple of years then moved back for college after we met]. They bought it & we went to the airport on the day he was supposed to meet me. I was so nervous to see him in person for the first time. But with my dad there with me, I was fine. As his gate unloaded i waited anxiously to see his face. And as we both saw eachother, we immiediately fell in love. And we have been since. I have flown to see him & met his parents about 5 or 6 times throughout the past couple of years and we have been together for almost 3 years now. And this entire time we have been lying to our parents & friends about how we met. We are now planning on getting married when we both graduate college in about 5 years b/c he is going to law school and I'm a junior in High school.

The problem now is, is that our plans got messed up. My mom wants to travel with me to meet his parents the next time I go to see him ( which is in 4 weeks!!) We weren't going to confess the truth to my strict parents until I was moved in with him down there in a year & now my mom is telling me that she wants to meet them now or I won't be able to go down there again b/c she wants to know if they're okay with us getting married.

And that's where the next problem comes into play; they don't know we wanna get married! They just know that I am going to college down there & want to live with him. So now if I don't go with her, I can't see him for another year, and she says I'm not allowed to live with him until she MEETS HIS PARENTS. Which I will go anyways b/c I love him too much and can't live without him. Which of course will totally ruin my relationship with my parents at least for a while if not forever if I go against their wishes.

So what do I do? Do I confess NOW? Do I try to get around it for the next few months? Do I wait an ENTIRE year to be with him which will SUCK!? He will be up here for prom this Saturday for one day only. Will this be the last time I get to see him for a year? Or if ever?? What do I do, guys? I'm so stuck on this one & I need so much help right now. Please please help me out with some advice.

 

I was barely 15 when I lied to my parents. I was so stupid. I'm so much smarter now..but what do I do know? I got myself into such a mess when i was that age! What can I do to be with my future husband??

 

Please help ASAP.

Love,

Worried7

[Skeered]

So you are almost 18, you have been lying to your parents for all this time on how you met but plain and simple they have met him and have let you go stay with him...I think that you telling them how you actually met will shock them yes but you can also tell them that without knowing that they liked him enough to allow him into your life all these years.

 

I think at almost 18 you are making these decisions on your own pretty much anyway and they know that you have life plans with him. Why don't his parents know about the future wedding plans? How old is this guy?

 

Personally I would think that your strict parents (as you stated) would be more upset that you want to get married at such a young age. I can appreciate you loving this guy, but honestly once you are placed out in the "real" world with bills, job, him in school, living together etc. you will also be learning who you are as an adult since you haven't lived on your own. I think you aren't ready to get married just yet..but that's just my .02 and you didn't ask for that advice.

 

So in a nutshell..break the news easily to your parents but I think you should tell them prolly after prom if you wanna go...which I assume you do...that way you can for sure see him on that night...but you need to own up and be honest because they will find out.

[confused _one]

Even if they did find out a year isnt such a bad thing if worse came to worse I guess if you love eachother enough to wait then alls good. Me and my boyfriend have waited a year and a half to finally be together. Trust me it was so worth it but it was hard because we never got to see eachother all we had was the phone and msn. Thats only if worse came to worse.

 

Goodluck

[Worried7]

K, so thanks for yall's advice so far, but now there is a new problem on the scene. He asked his mother yesterday hypothetically speaking, what she'd do if I were to move down there as soon as I am 18 in October & finish school on the internet. Well, she knew we'd live together in May or June 2007 but now she's freaking out, said she needs to talk to my mother immediately & thinks this is all insane & we're moving way too fast.

 

I see her point, but the way I see it is I love him more than anything would do anything for him, he helps me through everything & is SO supportive. He feels the same way. ( He's three years older than me by the way). I was going to marry him one day anyways, I get harassed here at school & this town is small so EVERYONE hears the rumors that go around about me. I don't have friends here. My parents pretty much ignore 80% of what I say anyways..I've been away from my boyfriend for 2 and a half years already, so my point is, I just want to move down there and be happy for once. And finish school online. I finally want to be with my sweetheart. And I'm tired of all of this drama between our parents I hate it b/c I LOVE my parents & I LOVE his parents as well. I'd never want to hurt them but things keep getting in the way & it's killing me. I want to be with him more than anything & choose him over everyone but I want to have a good family life too. I don't knwo what to do? Should I go through the torture of one more year & drama of being without him, or move when I'm 18 in October finish school online & finally be with him except that our paretns wouldn't fully accept it. What do I do? I need some guidance, I'm in a rut.

 

Please respond a.s.a.p. if possible. Thanks.

 

*~Worried7~*

[TeaCooler]

i'm kind of wondering why there's so much parentage involved.

 

it doesn't seem normal to me.

 

but then, i'm not a 17-year-old kid.

 

but then, neither is your boyfriend...

 

so what's with all the "i simply must to speak to the mother" stuff?

[HokeyReligions]

If you are mature enough to be engaged then you are mature enough to be honest with your parents and deal with their emotional surprise and possibly their anger and their pain - because this will hurt them too.

[Skeered]

Your parents need to know the truth...everyone needs to come clean and by reading your last post I think that you are rushing things and going strictly on emotion. You need to calm down...finish school where you are...graduate..there is no need to rush this. If this relationship is as strong as you feel it is..one more year compared to the rest of your lives is no biggie. Honestly if I were your mother I would be telling you these things, because love doesn't need to be rushed. I can understand you wanting to be near him but give it time so that everyone can feel OK with this.

[roxyg]

I totally agree with Skeerd. And, to me, if your parents haven't met, it might be good to get them together and then both of you tell them the truth. You keep pushing at moving out there, and it reminds me of my younger sister. She pushed and pushed, and when she did get what she wanted, she realized it wasn't as good as what she had before. I understand the angst to leave a small town, as I grew up in one. I wanted to constantly be gone, and in the summer that's what I would do, leave. Keep in mind that you will be living with a man that is three years older than you, who is going to college, while you will still be in high school, going to school online. What are you going to do to get out of the house, and to go out with him? What if he wants to go out drinking with friends from school, but since you are younger you can't go with? Living on your own is quite different than living under the umbrella of your parents. I'm sure your parents, and his parents are trying to do the best for both of you, without trying to deliberately hurt your relationship with one another. Look at both sides of the spectrum because right now, you sound like a young child trying to find her way out of a "boring" lifestyle.

[Worried7]

K, now i am getting harassed @ school even worse & having breakdowns. I live in a small town so I cant go to another school there is only 1. And I found out that the kid who is going to harass me, and was gonna move, will NOT be moving so I have three options: 1)stay there til my hair turns gray, get ulcers, & check myself into a mental institution.( In all seriousness). 2) Be home-schooled by my mom ( nearly impossible because she has a home business & can't do two things at once even though I could handle the work on my own.) she doesn't want me to do that at all but she doesn't understand how horrible school is for me. or 3) Move down there in October ( which will piss the hell out of our families b/c it's across the country..even though we can afford it now & it's only 5 months earlier than the origional plan).

 

You see it's not just the fact that I want to finally be with him; It's a number of things. I keep coming home & hyper-ventalating every single day & have hysterical crying spells & I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the gossip of this small town, and being laughed at even by adults. I'm tired of being harassed. I'm tired of praying before class so I won't be harassed. And I'm tired of the teachers not doing anything about it & making it worse. and I'm tired of caring about it mostly b/c my brain says not to, but my nerves go CRAZY & make me shaky & then when someone does say something mean I freeze and can't respond b/c I'm so nervous & depressed. But once that bell rings, I'm fine again..

 

I can handle financial stress; I've done it before & I've always been a money " saver" since I was old enough to know what it was. Financial stuff is a whole other thing and yes it's stressful but I can deal with it. I'm just sick of being called worthless.

 

I know this sounds like something a twelve year old would say; but if you have ever been bullied or harassed you would know more of whats on my mind. And I'm not trying to make people feel sorry for me; and I'm not here to be told that I'm naive. I just need to know the best option & please don't be an a**h*** about it b/c I've dealt with enough stress today to scar me for life. I won't be happy until I'm out of here..in all seriousness. Unless I'm so drugged up on depression medication I can't stand up straight. Im not exaggerating. And that's still not all of my issues; but to talk about the more serious ones may take 10 hours and I have approximately 6 and a half hours of homework so I need to get off of here. I haven't eaten anything today either so that's another 15 minutes..so respond quickly.

 

I'm not happy here; and I won't be ever so....

If I can afford it, should I go for it?

 

Please respond a.s.a.p.

[roxyg]

Believe me I understand what it is like to live in a small town; I grew up in one, and hated every minute of it! Once the time came for me to graduate, I left the very next day; and to this day, go back only for holidays or to see my parents on occasion. It's a lot of stress for a young person to deal with, and I think unless you've been in the situation, it's hard for people to fully understand. These options you stated, did you just make these up? Would your mom want to home school you, did she say she would? Are there any towns close to you that you could transfer to? My next thought to you, is to take a deep breath! You are so young, and to be this stressed out, is just crazy! Have you sat down and spoken with your parents about all the harrassment, and the hyperventalating, and everything? Ask them what they think you should do, after you tell them what is going on with you. Good luck, and do what you know is right to do, not what other people want, or what your boyfriend and you want, strictly you!

[Worried7]

Believe me I understand what it is like to live in a small town; I grew up in one, and hated every minute of it! Once the time came for me to graduate, I left the very next day; and to this day, go back only for holidays or to see my parents on occasion. It's a lot of stress for a young person to deal with, and I think unless you've been in the situation, it's hard for people to fully understand. These options you stated, did you just make these up? Would your mom want to home school you, did she say she would? Are there any towns close to you that you could transfer to? My next thought to you, is to take a deep breath! You are so young, and to be this stressed out, is just crazy! Have you sat down and spoken with your parents about all the harrassment, and the hyperventalating, and everything? Ask them what they think you should do, after you tell them what is going on with you. Good luck, and do what you know is right to do, not what other people want, or what your boyfriend and you want, strictly you!

 

 

 

Trust me. I've told my parents how bad it can be & I even hyperventallated in front of them, & the schools around here are all bad schools to go to or they're 35-40 minutes away. I live in a rural area. I am doing better though. I just keep praying & things get a little better each day. So I can hopefully make it these last few weeks..but I know that I cannot make it an entire year.

haha yea I wish I didn't have to stress out but this all is a very stressful situation. Not only this; but something pops up in my life to deal with each and every day. For example :

 

I found my boyfriends old msn password that he stopped using 4 months ago, and it had 10 other women on it. It pissed me off. And only women. I'm hoping they were just friends? But chances are low because at the time we were having problems with arguing all of the time b/c we were stressed out over schoolwork & tough exams. Anyway we worked through the problems & now I see this list & I'm contemplating whether I should even bring it up or not b/c I want a healthy relationship but if it's behind us, should I leave it behind us?

 

Yea. So I've got alot of stress on me right now. And alot more but I'd like to keep that personal for a while. but knowing me I'll need to vent just give me a few days. I find lots of support here.

 

Keep posting back with advice! Thanks bunchez.

[roxyg]

Trust me. I've told my parents how bad it can be & I even hyperventallated in front of them, & the schools around here are all bad schools to go to or they're 35-40 minutes away. I live in a rural area. I am doing better though. I just keep praying & things get a little better each day. So I can hopefully make it these last few weeks..but I know that I cannot make it an entire year.

haha yea I wish I didn't have to stress out but this all is a very stressful situation. Not only this; but something pops up in my life to deal with each and every day. For example :

 

I found my boyfriends old msn password that he stopped using 4 months ago, and it had 10 other women on it. It pissed me off. And only women. I'm hoping they were just friends? But chances are low because at the time we were having problems with arguing all of the time b/c we were stressed out over schoolwork & tough exams. Anyway we worked through the problems & now I see this list & I'm contemplating whether I should even bring it up or not b/c I want a healthy relationship but if it's behind us, should I leave it behind us?

 

Yea. So I've got alot of stress on me right now. And alot more but I'd like to keep that personal for a while. but knowing me I'll need to vent just give me a few days. I find lots of support here.

 

Keep posting back with advice! Thanks bunchez.

 

Okay, things like this will probably come up when you two are living together. When you live with someone it is completely different than, what life is with your parents. He's in college, and you will be at home doing your school work, and say you two have jobs, but different nights are off, and whatnot; if he's out with his friends are you going to be able to handle that? If he has girl friends at school are you going to be able to understand that he may want to hang out with them as well on occasion? Even though, you may think it is a positive to live with him, there are situations that you have to run through that are NEGATIVE; no one can predict the future, but our reactions to certain events, friends, money, etc. usually stay the same. How do you two react to one another when you fight?

As far as your stress goes, would a 35-45 minute drive be worth the sanity? I would opt for yes, mainly because you are under so much stress it is causing you health problems. I just think you want out of a situation that you've been harbored in, but the alternative to this could be just as stressful. Everything in life is given to us as something we can handle, there is nothing too big that we cannot tackle.

[Worried7]

Okay, things like this will probably come up when you two are living together. When you live with someone it is completely different than, what life is with your parents. He's in college, and you will be at home doing your school work, and say you two have jobs, but different nights are off, and whatnot; if he's out with his friends are you going to be able to handle that? If he has girl friends at school are you going to be able to understand that he may want to hang out with them as well on occasion? Even though, you may think it is a positive to live with him, there are situations that you have to run through that are NEGATIVE; no one can predict the future, but our reactions to certain events, friends, money, etc. usually stay the same. How do you two react to one another when you fight?

As far as your stress goes, would a 35-45 minute drive be worth the sanity? I would opt for yes, mainly because you are under so much stress it is causing you health problems. I just think you want out of a situation that you've been harbored in, but the alternative to this could be just as stressful. Everything in life is given to us as something we can handle, there is nothing too big that we cannot tackle.

 

 

Oh my goodnes.. Yep, as I said before every day something new is brought to deal with. He added a new person to that account as of today!! So I guess he's still using it?? What do I do now? The person on there is a guy but still, that means he had to of added him recently for him to be on there.

 

And to answer your question; He never goes out, unless it is with me, and if he has a female frieind @ school i won't mind as long as we have met & I can trust the both of them.

 

I better go!

 

Please help asap.thnx

[ImWithHim]

You're about to make ME hyperventilate after reading all this hysterical posting.

 

You're not ready for this. Don't burn the bridge with your parents by going against their wishes because I highly suspect you'll be needing them in the near future if you up and leave.

[roxyg]

Why do you keep asking for help? I think we have all given our opinion and insight into how we feel about your situation. I also agree with the above post, you will definately need your parents when/if you leave! If that account is bothering you so much, why not talk to your boyfriend about it? Communication is the key to any relationship! I hope you choose the best thing for you. I cannot reiterate that enough, this is about your well being, and I think ultimately deep down, you should know what is right for you.