Addicted to fun...

[Lucinda Lawless]

Hi, I'm a 25 year old lawyer, I have a pretty good life but I'm starting to make some mistakes. I'm at work feeling like crap after a huge Easter long weekend. I went out Friday, Saturday and Sunday night, and did pretty much the same thing. Each night I started off with friends for dinner and a few drinks, and when they dropped me off back to my place at around 11pm or midnight, I pretended to walk into my house then when they had left went out again. I took a gram of coke and went out by myself to a couple of bars in the city (I live in the city), met up with some randoms I usually see there, and continued drinking and then when I was feeling tired around 4am I took ecstasy - 3 nights in a row. I got home around midday the next day, crashed out then did it again that night.

 

This all started a few years ago, but it used to be a once-a-month habit. I now do it every weekend. My friends, who I know from uni and are all professionals and in long-term r'ships, bore me to tears. They have no idea I take drugs, and if they did they'd be appalled. They have all lived pretty sheltered lives and like doing average, run-of-the-mill, 'dinner party' kind of things. My life with them is so boring I want to scream. I love my job and I'm good at it but I also work extremely long hours during the week and want to just go crazy on the w/end - that's why I want to keep pushing the limits. Sometimes I even leave events with my friends early because I want to go out by myself and see who I will meet, what will happen.

 

Anyway, apart from the mood swings I'm having, this lifestyle is costing me a bucket. I've calculated that I probably spend at least $20,000 a year on drugs. Then again, I wouldn't rather spend it on anything else - I have no interest in restaurants, movies, clothes, travel, whatever.. I work so hard all week I feel like why shouldn't I spend it on what I want?

 

I don't really know what my question is, although I know I can't keep this secret lifestyle up. I wish I had friends who understood and who could come out with me- the problem is, the people I meet at bars that also do this on the w/end aren't the kind of people I'd hang out with during the week. They aren't professionals and at the risk of sounding snobby, aren't that 'bright'. Then again, it's one of the only things in my life that I get really excited about. It truly makes me happy to know that I am guaranteed a good time on the weekend. If anyone has any insight into why I do this, how to cut back, or if they have a similar story, I'd love to hear it.

[Curmudgeon]

If that's what you really consider a "good time" then there's probably no help for you. You'e lucky you've kept it hidden because your state bar association would likely yank your license since that's no way for an officer of the court to comport themselves. But it's likely only a matter of time before it comes to their attention since you admittedly spend the weekends impaired and that's bound to come out sometime.

 

Of course, the easy way out is to continue the reckless lifestyle until it catches up with you physically and medically. In the alternative, you might want to think about counseling. It sounds as if you need it.

[CastingPearls]

I'm still not clear on what part of your "secret life" is fun? Getting wasted with people you consider beneath your notice as a weekday professional? There are a few wildcats I know, living life full tilt, abusing themselves and partying nonstop but eventually, as you already know, the wear and tear will begin to show. Find some extreme sport or challenging mental activities to stimulate yourself. Live like you want to be around for a while! Rehab isn't where you want to end up. CP

[Ladywithafan]

My experience of life in the fast lane leads right to evictions, bankruptcy & arrests...It doesn't matter that you're rolling now...my substance experimentation (crack) led me to lose custody of my children (my absolute loves & reason for living), lose my childsupport checks after that ($2,500/mo), go through a couple of car impounds, reposession, boyfriend who ended up doing 24 mo. Fl D.O.C. due to undercovers/C.I. And that was all do to curiosity of "fun." Well, for me, fun led to devestation of a lifestyle/family.

 

My boyfriend was/is the addict and he's high maintenance, obviously...but the $ have stopped & the pary's over. Regained custody, housing & work. I was lucky, I still had $ behind me to get me through for the two years it took to normalize. It's called changing your friends and environment. If one doesn't do that, you will go down.

 

Your lifestyle is a game of chance; watch how the dice fall.