Weird girl problem....

[TheSilent1]

There was a girl who I used to like a couple years ago but I was rejected. A couple years later, I start noticing her staring at me and heard from someone that she wanted to get to know me. Based on how she acted around me yet was very shy and seemed to always stare at me when I was and wasn't looking, it seemed like she was giving me obvious hints that she liked me. Infact I pretty much proved it.

 

I decided that I would like to talk to her and get to know her. Before I talked to her, I noticed she was hanging around some other guy but it really wasn't that much (seen it once every other week) and it seemed like they were just friends. Me being the way I am, I automatically put that "worst case scenario in my head so if it turns out to be her BF or something I won't have my hopes up. Well anyway, I asked her if she would like to do something and she said yes. She continued to act the same way towards me but was still shy. When I saw her at school I would smile and all that.

 

Here's where the trouble starts. I call her up to see exactly when she would like to hang out. I give a vague area of time we could do something and she said she couldn't and explained why. She then responds with "We are going out as just friends right?". This is actually what I intended because I really don't know her that well. I responded with yes. She then says that she has a BF and that it is that guy I talked about earlier. She tells me that she believes I know him. It actually didn't faze me at all and I continued to keep the same positive voice saying "Ah. I know who he is... blah blah blah". She starts sounding like she was tired or something. She repeats that she can't do something at that certain time and says to talk to her about it again.

 

At first (when I hung up), it really didn't feel strange at all or anything. With or without the BF, I got to break the ice alittle and be friends with her and that's what I wanted. However, what I found really weird was once we started seeing each other at school in person, she continuously ignored me (seemed to look away from me). I usually caught her staring and such atleast once a day but now I only counted twice in 3 weeks (and both times I could not tell because I was not looking AT her). I've noticed she started to hang out with the BF more and oddly enough, it wasn't until after I called her that I saw them together on an consistant basis.

 

But I was more concerned at why she has been ignoring me and acting cold towards me. We ended the convo on a good note despite the "surprise". But somehow how she's acting towards me has been starting to get to me more and more.And for some awkward reason, I can't make eye contact with her anymore. It used to be so easy to call her or just talk to her but now I can't... I fear its a confidence issue yet I feel fine. And again, the BF thing has not broken my heart or anything.

 

I need to talk to her soon because I don't want to feel like a loser who backed out of a promise (to hangout). Yet because I can't look and talk to her, she might begin to think all I wanted was to go out with her (on a date) and consider me a jerk or something.

 

Also some other questions that I need help answering.

Why didn't she tell me about the BF when I first asked her to do something and not until after I told her "go out just as friends"?

 

Why is she ignoring me and acting cold despite having a decent convo and NO reason to change how she acts towards me?

 

If she had a BF, why in the world was she staring at me and acting all shy?

 

Any help on this issue is VERY MUCH appreciated.

[SuperMonk]

You must learn the following when dealing with women:

 

1. Very rarely (10-15% of the population) can you deal with women DIRECTLY. Most women you to "LISTEN" this is the part where women whine that men do not listen to them only because THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TALK. They're very poor communicators 85% and plus.

 

2. You must be BOLD, unlike men who will allow someone to make a mistake several times before throw them out of their life, Women will give 1-2 chances. They do this because they are efficient in dating, inefficient in choosing the right ones. I know, it's unfair. When your female friend said "We're just going as friends" you should've said no and planned one on her. Do you have a chance ? Like I said, women give you 1-2 chances.

 

3. She is probably lying to you about the boyfriend part. And her shyness and whatnot, that's how women control men little man. Girls learn at a young age, acting weak and pathetic will get their daddies to help them. Women DO NOT NEED MALE FRIENDS, they will be friends with a male they werne't attracted to, AND VICE VERSA. Harry Met Sally Movie explains this the best.

[Guest]

i had a similar experience last month a friend that i had known and previously worked with for a while kept giving me signals and she basically did the same thing as far as not telling me about the bf but she rejected me hard through text messaging on the phone and tried to hurt me even though i could feel that she liked me and i had enough clues to convince myself she did. One of my friends had told me that she has no confidence in herself because of the way she carried herself which made sense because he did not really know her and some of her actions matched that guess. He also told me that i did nothing wrong and it was something that i did that's normal for me such as being to nice to her.

 

The only thing i can tell you is right now your friend is playing games with you or at least this is what i think she is doing. Since i have very little experience in relationships with girls i don't think im qualified to give you the correct advice so i'll just tell you what i think is going on. I think she is just testing you and protecting herself because suddenly there is a bf in the picture. It is possible that she does not like you though so be careful. Sorry i had to give you a little story but i wanted to give you a worst case scenerio hopefully it turns out great for you. Oh i just now previewed and saw supermonk's post take his advice.

[No comprende]

Supermonk,

 

Your wisdom is infinite! This is the post that completed my life, endless thanks. Bla-hwa-ha-ha-ha-wa-ha!

[TheSilent1]

You must learn the following when dealing with women:

 

1. Very rarely (10-15% of the population) can you deal with women DIRECTLY. Most women you to "LISTEN" this is the part where women whine that men do not listen to them only because THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TALK. They're very poor communicators 85% and plus.

 

2. You must be BOLD, unlike men who will allow someone to make a mistake several times before throw them out of their life, Women will give 1-2 chances. They do this because they are efficient in dating, inefficient in choosing the right ones. I know, it's unfair. When your female friend said "We're just going as friends" you should've said no and planned one on her. Do you have a chance ? Like I said, women give you 1-2 chances.

 

3. She is probably lying to you about the boyfriend part. And her shyness and whatnot, that's how women control men little man. Girls learn at a young age, acting weak and pathetic will get their daddies to help them. Women DO NOT NEED MALE FRIENDS, they will be friends with a male they werne't attracted to, AND VICE VERSA. Harry Met Sally Movie explains this the best.

 

I agree for the most part but I'm almost positive she is not lying to me about the BF. I see her around him alot now. I don't know if she'd go out of her way to fake all that. But maybe she chose right then and there (when she asked me the friend thing) who she wanted to go out with? I don't know.

[TheSilent1]

So more people will read this.

[Chinook]

Actually, I think it's simple logistics. She may have had a passing interest in you... maybe as a friend, maybe something more. However, since she hooked up with BF she has now lost her interest in you and is hence acting cold.

[Alexandra]

Actually, I think it's simple logistics. She may have had a passing interest in you... maybe as a friend, maybe something more. However, since she hooked up with BF she has now lost her interest in you and is hence acting cold.

 

First post so a quick "hello" to everyone.

 

What Chinook says sounds possible however if I read it right, she was already "hooked up with the BF" when you took an interest in her -or you presumed the reverse-.

 

From the conversation you described, it seems entirely possible to me that she was interested indeed, only not in a relationship. She may have been interested in a bit of attention, flattery, maybe the innocent flirt. That you seemed all aloof and cool with how she's not available may have well not rang well with her. Hence the attitude she had towards you from then on.

 

All in all you may have played your "just friends" card a little too well, a tinge of disappointment maybe have worked better in getting her to even be friends.

 

Why are you asking though, are you curious as to what happened and trying to learn how to avoid doing a potential faux pas again or are you still interested in her despite how she has someone?

[TheSilent1]

First post so a quick "hello" to everyone.

 

What Chinook says sounds possible however if I read it right, she was already "hooked up with the BF" when you took an interest in her -or you presumed the reverse-.

 

From the conversation you described, it seems entirely possible to me that she was interested indeed, only not in a relationship. She may have been interested in a bit of attention, flattery, maybe the innocent flirt. That you seemed all aloof and cool with how she's not available may have well not rang well with her. Hence the attitude she had towards you from then on.

 

All in all you may have played your "just friends" card a little too well, a tinge of disappointment maybe have worked better in getting her to even be friends.

 

Why are you asking though, are you curious as to what happened and trying to learn how to avoid doing a potential faux pas again or are you still interested in her despite how she has someone?

 

Actually I found that this whole thing was very odd. I mean I've been in situations with girls before and been able to work through them but this was just awkward. I'm usually really good at reading facial expressions and how people act around me but this kind of threw me for a loop. It got to the point I had her pegged that she liked me.

 

She smiled at me, stared at me way above normal. When I first talked to her in the first time in a long time, she was shy towards me but her eyes showed ALOT of interest. I ask her out (never specifically say as friends at that point) and she never mentions a BF even though I may have come off as asking her out. Either she got the BF in between times I talked to her or she made her decision right after I said as friends. Or maybe she just used me to get attention.

 

I can come up with a million different scenarios which is why I'm asking here to get a more specific answer. I want to get that answer so I can use it to "bounce back" I guess. Ever since this happened, I've been in a "funk" and I think she noticed despite my way of hiding my bad emotions. Even though whatever happened, happened, I'm still on the hook to do something with her. And not able to speak to her or even make eye contact with her anymore is not helping that. Leaving her hanging is not something I want to do but as long as I'm in this "funk", I can't seem to do anything about it.

[TheSilent1]

Again so people can see this.

[gfto]

She isn't interested in you. Next.

[TheSwordfish]

Well here it is, she was interested. Maybe only in your looks.

 

You waited just a bit to long to ask her out and now she's found someone else.

 

I want to add, that I have tons of girls giving me lots of eyecontact and starting to bite their lips and stuff when they are talking with me. But sometimes even those who show lots of signs turn out to have boyfriend.

 

Don't see it as a personal thing. She might have rejected you now because there are lots of things going on in HER life that make you less of an ideal partner.

[TheSilent1]

Well here it is, she was interested. Maybe only in your looks.

 

You waited just a bit to long to ask her out and now she's found someone else.

 

I want to add, that I have tons of girls giving me lots of eyecontact and starting to bite their lips and stuff when they are talking with me. But sometimes even those who show lots of signs turn out to have boyfriend.

 

Don't see it as a personal thing. She might have rejected you now because there are lots of things going on in HER life that make you less of an ideal partner.

 

Maybe. But still it seems kind of strange. Usually I can see this type of thing a mile away. But just how odd this whole thing is is making things hard to figure out. Alot of the questions I asked in the very first post are still unknown. And just the entire situation isn't adding up. Even if what you say is correct.

[TheSwordfish]

I don't understand one thing. Why would you be a jerk if you say you only want to go out with her on a date and not as friends? What is jerkish about telling her you want to go out because you like her and not because you want to be just friends?

 

I think that you don't have to hang out with her, if she has other ideas about it then you. Please explain this thought to me. A while back a girl was mad at me for acting kinda silly, I apologized and then she said she still wanted to go out as friends. I told her the reason I asked her out was because I liked her and wanted to get to know her better. I just said that I don't have much time on my hands and lots of friends already (wich is true). Does that make me a jerk?

[TheSilent1]

I don't understand one thing. Why would you be a jerk if you say you only want to go out with her on a date and not as friends? What is jerkish about telling her you want to go out because you like her and not because you want to be just friends?

 

I think that you don't have to hang out with her, if she has other ideas about it then you. Please explain this thought to me. A while back a girl was mad at me for acting kinda silly, I apologized and then she said she still wanted to go out as friends. I told her the reason I asked her out was because I liked her and wanted to get to know her better. I just said that I don't have much time on my hands and lots of friends already (wich is true). Does that make me a jerk?

 

Not really. But my problem was all of a sudden, after this happened, I have a hard time talking to her or even looking right at her. I don't know if its a lack of confidence (something I had plenty of before hand) or what but I just can't bring myself to do it. I am still willing to hang out with her and get to know her because she did say she wanted to but I feel like a jerk because I can't seem to call her or talk to her in person about it. I just walk by her and try not to look directly at her. I fear she may think I just wanted to go out with her on a date and once she told me about the BF, I bailed on my promise to hangout with her. The last thing I want to do is leave her hanging because I'm usually keep my promises but its getting harder to talk to her. That's why I feel like a jerk.

 

And sorry if this problem of mine is confusing to anyone. Kind of hard to get the whole problem in one post. Its just kind of complicated.

[TheSwordfish]

You're not a jerk. You can look her in the eye. She's the one coming up with the just frineds thing. You haven't done anything wrong. Besides, she should see it as a compliment that you want to be more then friends.

[TheSilent1]

You're not a jerk. You can look her in the eye. She's the one coming up with the just frineds thing. You haven't done anything wrong. Besides, she should see it as a compliment that you want to be more then friends.

 

Since I haven't really said myself that I would possibly want to be more than friends (she most likely thinks that though), should I tell her even if I'm not completely sure myself? Should I just say to her I still have some feelings for her or should I just continue to stand by what I said (to hang out as friends)? The friends thing may be the safest way to go and won't ruin anything but would telling her otherwise be a good idea? Would I most likely see a positive in doing this?

[ddnnee]

some girls love to play little games with guys. i think she's just one of them. i talk to one girl and she admits to playing with guys with little flirting and at the end says she's not interested. really evil.

[TheSwordfish]

Since I haven't really said myself that I would possibly want to be more than friends (she most likely thinks that though), should I tell her even if I'm not completely sure myself? Should I just say to her I still have some feelings for her or should I just continue to stand by what I said (to hang out as friends)? The friends thing may be the safest way to go and won't ruin anything but would telling her otherwise be a good idea? Would I most likely see a positive in doing this?

 

If you tell her you don't feel like going out as friends, you don't have to waste time going out with her. You can make it clear you choose to spend your time with friends you already have and with other potential girlfriends without telling her so