Why isn't affection mutual?

[Stuck]

Hello, everyone.

 

I wrote in a couple of months ago wondering whether or not I should reveal my feelings for a friend of mine, who quite often seemed to return the feeling. Everyone here told me I should. I tried, sort of, in a roundabout way.

 

I haven't seen him for about a month now for various reasons so it hasn't been an issue. I also, in a moment of desperation, confided in a mutual friend about my feelings. His response was actually to burst out laughing and say that I was totally wasting my time on an eternal bachelor. He said he couldn't think of anything more ridiculous, and was pretty surprised at me. I haven't mentioned it since.

 

In the meantime, another guy, Marek, has started pursuing me relentlessly. I liked him ok at first, but I think his constant compliments and thoughtful gestures are having the opposite effect that he intends. I hate myself for not liking him -- he's making such an effort -- but I'm almost starting to dread seeing his name pop up on my cell phone.

 

He is also constantly asking me questions about the guy I have a crush on. Once, I ran into Marek in a pub on a weekend night when I was with the friend I have the crush on. I went to the ladies' room and Marek said something along the lines of, "do you think you could go somewhere else? I'd really like to be alone with her." I came back out and the other guy was gone.

 

I only found out the next day what happened when my friend explained it to me. I groaned and apologised, and my friend said, "I can tell you don't like him, why are you stringing him on?"

 

Now then, what *am* I doing? Why is it that I don't like the one who likes me, and like the one who probably doesn't? I'm starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me. I keep telling myself that if I hang out with Marek enough I might start to like him. Or maybe I should just forget about both of them and get on with my life. Any thoughts?

 

Thanks.

[Tony T]

This is very normal. Don't worry even a second.

 

You are going through a period, which could last a few years or more, where you seek a challenge. You want the unattainable.

 

Nobody places a great deal of value in something that is easily gotten. A lot of men (and women) are really ignorant when it comes to this issue and they come on way too strong and play their cards way too early.

 

I'm with you. If this guy is coming on strong, you will never fall for him. Maybe you are just not attracted to him anyway.

 

In the future, there will come a time when you will be more likely to go for guys who are very kind and show their feelings toward you from the start. But you will never like someone who is way too nice and way too forward.

 

So go easy on yourself and pitty the guys who are lovesick fools.