not sure what's going on

[porkpie]

My boyfriend broke up with me via email 3 weeks ago, saying that he thought things didn't feel right between us.

 

Since then we've talked quite a bit, and he keeps saying that he's just not ready for a relationship - that he's not over his previous relationships because he thinks about them a lot - but he also really likes me and sees us as having long term potential but that's just not something he can act on now because he just doesn't feel ready. He wants us to continue developing our 'relationship'/friendship until he is ready.

 

We've had so many conversations about this topic. Essentially what it comes down to (in his words) is that he's not ready for a relationship, i am, and the question is, what do we do about it.

 

One difficulty is that we've only been going out for a couple of months, and he's just found out that he'll be moving to another country. But I don't see this as a difficulty as I travel to this country rather often for work, and it's only a couple of hours by flight. But during our last conversations, he did say that he wasn't really sure he wanted a LDR and he also thought that dating someone in that country could be quite tempting. I was pretty hurt by that.

 

And then I found out I was pregnant. I'm still not sure how it happened, because I've been on the pill for yonks, but there it is. Anyway he was going to Bali on holiday and he was at the airport when I found out, so he wanted to cancel his trip but I said he should still go. Anyway my friends and I had been planning to go for a while, so we bought last minute tickets and went, and I stayed with him. We agreed not to bring up our problems while we were on holiday, and while the first few hours were awkward, pretty soon we were behaving like we were boyfriend and girlfriend again.

 

On our last night there, I just asked him a question that had been preying on my mind. I asked him whether he really wanted to date other people. And he looked really stressed and sort of stuttered that he didn't know, and he didn't really want to date anyone in particular. I didn't say anything more, but I think I must've looked pretty sad because he asked me to stop looking devastated and whether I wanted to go back to the hotel and talk about it, but I said no, I wanted to go out. No point in spoiling our last night on holiday right?

 

I was sort of awkward in the club and all, but about an hour later he suddenly grabbed me and hugged me and made me look in his eyes and he said, 'I just want to be with you'. And I didn't say anything about it, but that made me sort of happy.

 

I came back home, and he had to fly off for work, but he's been emailng and calling like he used to before our breakup. He's even thinking about our next holiday together. I'm not sure what the deal is. Are we back together or are we not? I'm not even sure whether I should bring up the topic again, partly because I'm afraid of rocking the boat. I mean, it's been a couple of weeks of hell and now we're just starting to get better. I'm afraid that bringing up the topic will just scare him off again.

 

I'm supposed to go and see the doctor this week about the termination of my pregnancy (we both agree that this is the best thing to do, considering our current situation), and he wants to come along and support me throughout. But to be honest, if he doesn't want to be with me or we're not together, I don't particularly want him to come along because I think that he's not going to be around anyway so I'd better get used to it. I don't know how he would feel if I said that though.

 

I'm not sure what he's really thinking, or what really is going on, so I'd appreciate some feedback. Thanks for listening