My SO likes 'alone' time way more than I do...

[Guest]

After 6 years, I'm finding that I am a lot more sociable than I used to be.

 

I used to be a real homebody. I think it was because I was entering a new career and the demands on my time and income just made it difficult to go anywhere.

Now that I am settled into a career and making a decent income, I like to do things and socialize in my free time.

I love parties, dinners, road trips, museums and hiking. I love to take the dogs to the park and see other people and let the dogs play with each other. I like book clubs and taking classes.

 

My sig other, however, seems perfectly content to stay home evening after evening, weekend after weekend.

 

He complains whenever we go to visit his family. All families have issues, I realize. I just wished he appreciated them more. I love going to visit because it's a chance to interact with others!

 

He doesn't have many friends. His one good friend and his wife, although they are nice, I don't find much in common with them. But I make efforts to be sociable with them because AT LEAST we're getting out and being sociable.

 

When my family comes to visit my SO always seems to be irritated and upset about the change in his schedule. He seems to find it a huge inconvenience and we always end up in an argument. We've had some big fights about it and he finally relented and said, "Invite your family whenever you want." But I still feel that he resents spending any time with them.

 

I invited him to take road trips a couple of time to visit some of my friends who live far away, but he chose to stay home and work on projects.

 

Whenever I've planned dinners or parties he always says to me afterwards, "It's so nice to have the house back to normal," which tells it stressed him out to think of people coming over.

 

He seems to revel in his time alone. He says he likes not feeling pressured to do anything or follow anyone else's schedule.

I was away for a few days recently and he told me how much he enjoyed having some space to himself.

While I understand that on an intellectual level, emotionally I felt hurt. It's like he was saying, "I felt free from your demands on me."

 

All my social time seems to involve doing things seperately from him; I plan lunches with girlfriends or go shopping with them while he stays home.

 

Our weekends go like this; we wake up and have coffee together. Then we head out to do our seperate things.

 

We probably don't see each other most of the day; he might be in the garage while I'm in the house cleaning.

Or he might be in the field clearing brush while I"m doing the grocery shopping.

Oh believe me, I used to ask, "Do you need help with anything today? Can I help you clear brush/trim trees/ paint " but he prefers to do it alone.

 

We used to do yard sales together but then discovered he likes certain kinds of yard sales while I like others. We ended up getting so irritated with each others' style of shopping that we decided we'd better just do it seperately.

 

We meet up again in the evening and if I haven't planned anything with anyone...I"ve basically spent the entire day alone.

 

I HATE it!

 

We have dinner, watch a movie. We rarely go out anymore. We live in a rural area so there's just a couple of bars and not much else to do in the evenings.

 

I'd love to spend more time with his family...who live close by.....by you know by this point how he feels about that.

 

We've talked this to death, he and I. He acts like he 'gets' what I'm saying, but then it's right back to the same old same old.

 

I dread weekends now because when I'm at work, I at least talk to people and feel sociable.

 

Weekends are just this long.....empty space.

 

I get the impression from him that he just thinks I'm lazy and I should fill my time doing household chores or yardwork. But, that's not what life is all about is it? Working all week and then working all weekend and being alone?

 

I don't need hobbies. I have plenty of hobbies. I need a companion....or I need to just come to terms with who he is and be done with it.

 

ANyway, thanks for letting me vent.