Please, I desperately need help!

[confused]

My boyfriend of 4 years just a couple of days ago told me he wasn't sure if he still loved me. We are high school sweethearts so we have both matured a lot. But I am still unquestionably in love with him. He's not sure what's best for him, and he doesn't want to hurt me or lose me(at least he's not sure if he does yet). What we're trying is living as roomates, sleeping in seperate rooms and just being friends. It's extremely hard for me because he's wanting to see if we make better friends. We already are best friends so it's not much different, just no intimacy or touching. I'm just afraid that if he really wants to know what his life will be without me, he's not going to get it by still having me around whenever, but if I leave until he decides I'm also not there to show him what he's missing. We agreed until he made a decision the only people to know were going to be our parents, cuz there is a girl from back home that he communicated with. She used to be really obnoxious but I gather has really changed. He said he's not interested in a long distance relationship with her b/c he is in NC and she is in NJ but since they clicked when they talked he wants to know if now that we're older and more mature we would still fall in love if we met today. I'm trying really hard to cope, but I really don't have family or friends close by to help me. Does anybody have any advice on what I should do to help him rediscover his love for me???? I'm really a mess, I need help!

[Andrea]

Well, I sympathize with what you have been through and have been there before. I think since you have been high school sweethearts and assuming you have not dated much since you have been together for 4 years, he wants to be sure he is with you because he is in love or you are all he knows. Maybe he wants to see whether he can take being without you but doesn't know how to go about it. He obviously is having a hard time parting cold turkey. I think you need to stay away altogether and keep yourself busy. All you can do is

 

realize that it isn't that he doesn't want you, he wants to be sure you are the right one. What could end up happening is worst case, he will want you both to see other people as a test (being together so long not dating much, you can get

 

very comfortable and unsure you are together because you are used to each other) or your bond could be so strong (which it sounds like it probably is) and you could realize you can't stand to be away from each other. I doubt the other person has any effect on this. LWhy risk a good relationship for someone who is so far away? If he wanted her, he probably would have tried to be with her by now.

 

Several years have passed by now, no? I think he is just making sure of himself. I don't believe feelings can just go away. Obviously his aren't if he still keeps you around.

 

The only true way for him to decipher his feelings is no contact with him at all for at least 2 weeks.

 

Good Luck and Hang In There-it may be hard to see but it may be for the best intentions.

My boyfriend of 4 years just a couple of days ago told me he wasn't sure if he still loved me. We are high school sweethearts so we have both matured a lot. But I am still unquestionably in love with him. He's not sure what's best for him, and he doesn't want to hurt me or lose me(at least he's not sure if he does yet). What we're trying is living as roomates, sleeping in seperate rooms and just being friends. It's extremely hard for me because he's wanting to see if we make better friends. We already are best friends so it's not much different, just no intimacy or touching. I'm just afraid that if he really wants to know what his life will be without me, he's not going to get it by still having me around whenever, but if I leave until he decides I'm also not there to show him what he's missing. We agreed until he made a decision the only people to know were going to be our parents, cuz there is a girl from back home that he communicated with. She used to be really obnoxious but I gather has really changed. He said he's not interested in a long distance relationship with her b/c he is in NC and she is in NJ but since they clicked when they talked he wants to know if now that we're older and more mature we would still fall in love if we met today. I'm trying really hard to cope, but I really don't have family or friends close by to help me. Does anybody have any advice on what I should do to help him rediscover his love for me???? I'm really a mess, I need help!

[Jim]

Dear confused,

 

I think you should quit while you are ahead. He obviously

 

doesn't love you the way he should. You are both to young

 

to get serious, date other people, widen your horizons.

 

I speak from experience, it will hurt now, but is better to

 

break it off now.

 

Jim

My boyfriend of 4 years just a couple of days ago told me he wasn't sure if he still loved me. We are high school sweethearts so we have both matured a lot. But I am still unquestionably in love with him. He's not sure what's best for him, and he doesn't want to hurt me or lose me(at least he's not sure if he does yet). What we're trying is living as roomates, sleeping in seperate rooms and just being friends. It's extremely hard for me because he's wanting to see if we make better friends. We already are best friends so it's not much different, just no intimacy or touching. I'm just afraid that if he really wants to know what his life will be without me, he's not going to get it by still having me around whenever, but if I leave until he decides I'm also not there to show him what he's missing. We agreed until he made a decision the only people to know were going to be our parents, cuz there is a girl from back home that he communicated with. She used to be really obnoxious but I gather has really changed. He said he's not interested in a long distance relationship with her b/c he is in NC and she is in NJ but since they clicked when they talked he wants to know if now that we're older and more mature we would still fall in love if we met today. I'm trying really hard to cope, but I really don't have family or friends close by to help me. Does anybody have any advice on what I should do to help him rediscover his love for me???? I'm really a mess, I need help!