can i hug a guy?

[Jolie]

My boyfriend doesn’t like me hanging-out with my guy-friend. I’ve known my guy-friend as long as I’ve been dating my boyfriend. We’re really good friends. He confides his personal issues and concerns with me, and I am always there to listen to him. He always inquires how me and my boyfriend are doing and I talk about my boyfriend soo much I think it makes my guy-friend sick sometimes, lol. On my birthday, my guy-friend offered to take me out to dinner to celebrate and just to hang out, but when I told my boyfriend this, he got very jealous and alarmed. He didn’t want me hanging out with my guy-friend anymore. I try to give him as much information about my guy-friend so that my boyfriend will understand that there is nothing to worry about, but my boyfriend tells me that he doesn’t want to hear anymore about my guy-friend. He says that my guy-friend wants something more from me than simple friendship, that he wants to get into my pants. *sigh* I didn’t hang out with my friend on my birthday, but I did hangout with him that weekend along with a girl-friend of mine. I was honest with my boyfriend about it. I gave my guy-friend a hug when my girl-friend and I left his house. I know that if my boyfriend sees me hugging a guy, he’ll flip-out. My boyfriend doesn’t understand that he’s just a really good friend. My question is: since I have a boyfriend of whom I am very much in love with and in a very serious relationship, does this mean that if I hug a male for nothing other than friendship reasons, that I am doing something wrong?

[midori]

I think you ought to try to re-frame your questions. You're arguing about principles (e.g. can one give platonic hugs to members of the opposite sex?) as if they exist independently of the context. Do you hear what your boyfriend is saying? He's not comfortable with your intimate relationship with this guy friend. Does your boyfriend's discomfort matter to you? Your boyfriend is picking up on something. I guess you need to decide if you think that your bf is a reasonable, perceptive person or if he's irrationally suspicious.

 

Can people have close friends of the opposite sex when they're in a loving & committed relationship with someone else? In theory, yes of course. But if your partner is uncomfortable with aspects of the friendship I don't think you can just disregard it by asserting your theoretical right to have a guy friend. You might want to examine your own motives here a bit: are you interested in maintaining this friendship precisely because it makes your bf jealous -- keeping him on the edge a bit, not letting him take you for granted? There could be other reasons and I'm not saying that's what must be going on, but it's worth considering don't you think? And you ought to take a good long (and objective) look at your guy friend. Is that all he really wants?

 

You say that you're always there for your guy friend -- does your boyfriend receive the same courtesy? Do you open yourself up to your bf the way you do to this guy?

 

If I were dating a guy who was simultaneously developing an emotionally intimate friendship with another woman I would be unsettled to say the least. I'd wonder what he was getting from her that he couldn't get from me. I'd resent the time he invested in nurturing their friendship if it in any way impinged on him investing time in his relationship with me.

 

I'm not saying that's what you're doing. Only you know the real lay of the land between you and this guy friend, and you and your boyfriend. But you might want to reassess some of the assumptions you're working with -- they don't seem to be geared toward being 1/2 of a committed, fulfilling relationship with a boyfriend.

[arthropod]

i agree with midori.

 

one other point -- PUT YOURSELF IN YOUR BOYFRIEND'S SHOES!!!! how would YOU feel if things were reversed??

 

also, has your boyfriend even MET this guy?!!

My boyfriend doesn't like me hanging-out with my guy-friend. I've known my guy-friend as long as I've been dating my boyfriend. We're really good friends. He confides his personal issues and concerns with me, and I am always there to listen to him. He always inquires how me and my boyfriend are doing and I talk about my boyfriend soo much I think it makes my guy-friend sick sometimes, lol. On my birthday, my guy-friend offered to take me out to dinner to celebrate and just to hang out, but when I told my boyfriend this, he got very jealous and alarmed. He didn't want me hanging out with my guy-friend anymore. I try to give him as much information about my guy-friend so that my boyfriend will understand that there is nothing to worry about, but my boyfriend tells me that he doesn't want to hear anymore about my guy-friend. He says that my guy-friend wants something more from me than simple friendship, that he wants to get into my pants. *sigh* I didn't hang out with my friend on my birthday, but I did hangout with him that weekend along with a girl-friend of mine. I was honest with my boyfriend about it. I gave my guy-friend a hug when my girl-friend and I left his house. I know that if my boyfriend sees me hugging a guy, he'll flip-out. My boyfriend doesn't understand that he's just a really good friend. My question is: since I have a boyfriend of whom I am very much in love with and in a very serious relationship, does this mean that if I hug a male for nothing other than friendship reasons, that I am doing something wrong?

[BeenThere]

I think you ought to try to re-frame your questions. You're arguing about principles (e.g. can one give platonic hugs to members of the opposite sex?) as if they exist independently of the context. Do you hear what your boyfriend is saying? He's not comfortable with your intimate relationship with this guy friend. Does your boyfriend's discomfort matter to you? Your boyfriend is picking up on something. I guess you need to decide if you think that your bf is a reasonable, perceptive person or if he's irrationally suspicious. Can people have close friends of the opposite sex when they're in a loving & committed relationship with someone else? In theory, yes of course. But if your partner is uncomfortable with aspects of the friendship I don't think you can just disregard it by asserting your theoretical right to have a guy friend. You might want to examine your own motives here a bit: are you interested in maintaining this friendship precisely because it makes your bf jealous -- keeping him on the edge a bit, not letting him take you for granted? There could be other reasons and I'm not saying that's what must be going on, but it's worth considering don't you think? And you ought to take a good long (and objective) look at your guy friend. Is that all he really wants? You say that you're always there for your guy friend -- does your boyfriend receive the same courtesy? Do you open yourself up to your bf the way you do to this guy? If I were dating a guy who was simultaneously developing an emotionally intimate friendship with another woman I would be unsettled to say the least. I'd wonder what he was getting from her that he couldn't get from me. I'd resent the time he invested in nurturing their friendship if it in any way impinged on him investing time in his relationship with me. I'm not saying that's what you're doing. Only you know the real lay of the land between you and this guy friend, and you and your boyfriend. But you might want to reassess some of the assumptions you're working with -- they don't seem to be geared toward being 1/2 of a committed, fulfilling relationship with a boyfriend.