sungrl Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 Just curious about this. We all know the common and typical signs of someone cheating. For those who have been cheated on--was there a time when there were no signs and you found out by mistake such as showing up too early to just to suprise them. No signs meaning--no attitude changes or behavior changes--or since they say "love is blind"-- after you found, did you realize there were signs that you just weren't paying attention to and should have. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 There are always signs, but see..most people arent always trying to find signs, and you dont get to the point where your always trying to find them unless you've already been cheated on. Ive been cheated on before, and now I cant help it: im like frickin batman, i dont spy on anyone, or any stuff like that, but i take notice of even SUBTLE changes in the relationship or her behavior. Thing ive noticed is cheaters think theyre clever lil things, but see with me, once ive been cheated on, my paranoia soared to new heights, where i can recognize old and even new tricks, i guess having a two timing whore slowly squeeze the life out of you has its benefits. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 Just curious about this. We all know the common and typical signs of someone cheating. For those who have been cheated on--was there a time when there were no signs and you found out by mistake such as showing up too early to just to suprise them. No signs meaning--no attitude changes or behavior changes--or since they say "love is blind"-- after you found, did you realize there were signs that you just weren't paying attention to and should have. Well yes the signs for me were she was calling but she was a childhood friend that he hadn't seen in a while and i thought something of it but i loved him so much i decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and as you know i was right all along. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 Oh hon. I hate this, but he is cheating on you. Deep down inside, you know or you would not be asking. Its called intituation, that gut feeling for me. I didnt need signs, I knew. BUT, looking back...yes, there were signs. Lets see, shopping and wearing new clothes, always chewing gum and freshly groomed (it was unlike him), keepin cologne, brushes change of clothes in his car, suddenly listened to other tyoes of music, ignoring me, spending a LONG time in the bathroom with his phone (text messenging) new email accounts, very touchy and jumpy if I went near his phone, picking fights with me over little things (his excuuse to leave). Thats all I can think of right off the top of my head. Anyway, just because this was his signs, doesnt mean there are your guys signs. BUT i know Most men think a like, and they get real sloppy and dont think about anything other then getting their dick wet. Some men are dumber than others but in the end if they are chaetin they will leave a trail. I am SO sorry you have to deal with this. I just hope you are not married, and can get out (if he is gulity) pretty easily. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetBabyJ Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 Was cheated on (EA). Didn't see it coming, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now looking back, the only change I noticed was.. about a week prior to H telling me there was someone else in his life he got very short tempered with me and distanced himself from us. He also took a good bit of overtime and never let anyone know when he would be back. Other than that, nothing! Link to post Share on other sites
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 My ex who i've just broke up with cheated on me with my best friend a week after we got together after a year of 'seeing' eachother...there was no signs apart from my friend practically shoving me out of the way to get his attention. Infact the night before he was slighty over the limit but drove down to see me because i was very upset and spent all night awake comforting me. When he told me about cheating on me he said that he couldnt understand it because he'd never cheated on anyone before and he was falling in love with me. Anyways i took him back but i stayed paranoid for the rest of the relationship never fully regain my trust for him....my self esteem also dropped considerably. Other ex's who have cheated on me i never really spotted signs i had 'feelings' that something was wrong but i could never put my finger on what it was till they finally came out with it and told me they'd cheated. Its very hard to tell if someone is going to cheat on you unless theyre making it very obvious. There are signs....like one of my ex's didn't invite me to a new yrs eve party while we were going out but me being naive and smitten didnt think anything of it....guess who he was having sex with whilst it was the new yrs countdown...another one of my 'friends'. The same guy i got back together with a few yrs later....10 mins after he asked me out he was kissing another girl in the club while i was telling my friend the 'good' news in the toilets...pfft. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 Was cheated on (EA). Didn't see it coming, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now looking back, the only change I noticed was.. about a week prior to H telling me there was someone else in his life he got very short tempered with me and distanced himself from us. He also took a good bit of overtime and never let anyone know when he would be back. Other than that, nothing! Exact same thing here. I was clueless to it. Looking back, a week or two before he dropped the dbomb he would say some really mean things. I remember him questioning if he won the lottery and we broke up, would one of us give the other half the money, and why. Another time he talked about how our wedding in the church meant nothing to him, he only did it because i wanted a wedding in the church. For the life of me, I didnt understand what was going on, now i do Link to post Share on other sites
roxyg Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 I remember the signs, and I'm like Spectre; NOW, anything will trigger my senses when a change is involved, no matter how slight! These were my signs: gifts for no reason, although the real reason was that he cheated on me; there were attitude changes, and my favorite turning the tables on you when questioning their loyalty. I only had one guy cheat on me, but it was intense to say the least, and I was young and thought I was in love, so I didn't want to break up. Unfortunately the cheatings never ended, neither did the lies. Link to post Share on other sites
Tara1973 Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 NO SIGNS AT ALL. NONE! for the entire two years he was at it, NOTHING...At the time. Only when I look back, it's always when you look back, the signs were everywhere. But, I feel sorry for my next boyfriend because I saw what my soon to be ex got away with and if I see those 'signs' in the new man then he's screwed, even if he's innocent.Oh dear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted April 18, 2006 Author Share Posted April 18, 2006 Tara, what were the signs when you looked back if you don't mind telling. As for me--one of the posts mentions a childhood friend. My b/f has the exact same thing lol. It makes me a little curious at times. He says they don't hang out or anything like that and that they never dated as well. I wonder if that is something to look into or just let it go. What does anyone think about it? He also tells me he speaks to another girl that he went out with but wasn't that serious with. I feel as though there is nothing I can do really. If he wants to speak to these two girls once in awhile-i can't really stop him. No matter what i tell him such as don't do it--he could just do it behind my back. Is that a good attitude to have? I am friends with a guy I used to have such a crush on in highschool- we don't see each other but talk sometimes. I am over those feelings though and its just to keep in touch. I am a careful person as well and don't want to get hurt. I also do not think there is anything wrong with being careful. Some are care free while others are able to put there heart 100 percent out there and I do admire that. My current boyfriend has not shown any of those types of signs such as buying new and different clothes. The clothes he wears for work are not very fashionable because he gets dirty. When we go out or he goes out, then he dresses nice. I think the phone calls have slightly decreased and I don't know if that is common after a year of dating. In the beginning there was a lot of talking on the phone because we were getting to know one another. He has been caught in a few lies and his excuse is because of me turning something innocent such as him talking to one of those girls into a big thing like he is cheating. So he has lied about stuff like that--ignoring the phone call when with me and putting it v-mail to avoid an argument. A really big part believes it is not because he is "messing around" or whatever but to avoid an arguement which is still immature. The other part always acts on the defensive and thinks negativel of the situation. What are other people's opinions about all of this? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 Just curious about this. We all know the common and typical signs of someone cheating. For those who have been cheated on--was there a time when there were no signs and you found out by mistake such as showing up too early to just to suprise them. No signs meaning--no attitude changes or behavior changes--or since they say "love is blind"-- after you found, did you realize there were signs that you just weren't paying attention to and should have. There were not any immediate signs that my ex had cheated on me. I guess that you can say that it sort of fell on my lap. Everything happens for a reason and I was glad that she was exposed. Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 In my case, my ex a few years ago was cheating on me and I could detect changes in behavior, but when I'd bring it up it would result in fights. Too bad she was lying the whole time. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 With one guy, yes there were signs. With another guy, no signs, it was just blurted out one day. Link to post Share on other sites
THX2000 Posted April 19, 2006 Share Posted April 19, 2006 In my case there were signs and I called her on it for months before finally trying to break it off with her several times always to be talked out of it. Looking back now I feel so stupid for trusting her and believing her lies when she told me that I had nothing to worry about. In the end she was exposed for what she is and I have no regrets. I did everything I could to make that relationship work and she threw it all away so good riddance and on to bigger and better things. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted April 19, 2006 Share Posted April 19, 2006 Exact same thing here. I was clueless to it. Looking back, a week or two before he dropped the dbomb he would say some really mean things. I remember him questioning if he won the lottery and we broke up, would one of us give the other half the money, and why. Another time he talked about how our wedding in the church meant nothing to him, he only did it because i wanted a wedding in the church. For the life of me, I didnt understand what was going on, now i do Me too - I was clueless also as far as thinking he would continue to cheat when I found out he did once which was 1 1/2 yrs into our relationship. Anyway, something came up which sent my radar off. When I was talking to him on the phone one night (we were in an long distance relationship), I asked him if he went out with someone else of which he confessed he did. I don't even remember what why I asked, it must have been something he said. He apologized over and over, said it was a mistake and he wouldn't do it again and because I loved him, I gave him another chance. BIG MISTAKE! He didn't quit and obviously didn't care for me. I should have run while I could. I had one friend at work who told me she would not stay with him because she thought it was "weird" that he would stray 1 1/2 yrs into the relationship. As she said, I would think if he's going to keep playing the field, he would have done it early into the relationship, not at the point where he "should have" developed feelings for me, or even love. I wish I had listened to her. The only way I actually found out was a voice in my head telling me to call home one day when I was at work. By calling home, I found him on the computer so when I got home, I checked the history and voila! I found his "other" email account which opened up a flood of emails from strange women. And as they say, the rest is history. Link to post Share on other sites
amblin Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I had no clue too, and when I look back on it now, I realise what a fool I was. And if I weren't observant enough before, I definitely am now. If there were such a thing in the police dept, I'd have the title "Top Cheat Scout". Link to post Share on other sites
Jyl_Unit Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 I was cheated on by my first serious boyfriend. There were no signs. Even looking back he was exactly the same. I never even had the gut feeling...the only reason I knew is because the girl he broke up with to go out with me felt bad for me and called me up and told me. I was devistated. Then it happened again, only with someone new. I thought there was something going on but he claimed they were just friends. He started drinking wine (which he hated when I met him) and borrowed her car. There was one night he talked to 'Eddie' on the phone for an hour while I was there but I thought this was odd, especially since he never talked to Eddie out of school so I checked his phone. It was that * he was on the phone with. My advice is that if you are having this gut feeling, you are probably right. If you are like me, and I pray you are not, you will wait for the hard evidence. Signs aren't enough I told myself...I need proof. Well, I got it and I regret waiting. It isn't worth the pain. If he really loved you, he wouldn't do something like that. But, if you need proof and won't do anything without it, find it. I know a lot of people are going to disagree...but sometimes you really need to see it to believe it. I would say phone bills, emails, and bank statements are the places to look. You'll know it when you see it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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