Guest Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 My boyfriend and I broke up about 6 weeks about from a year and half long relationship. To keep it short, we both had a lot going on for ourselves and our biggest issue (spending too much time together) became greatly intensified over the past couple of months. In the end my bf was no longer happy, and broke up with me. I know he still loves and cares for me (I tried talking to him 2 weeks ago and we almost got back together, but he didnt feel like anything had changed and he still needed time to cool off). Im very confused on what he really wants, sometimes he's very friendly and talkative and caring, other times he just wants to be left alone. When we talked last he said there was "bad blood" between us still and that he isnt ready to see me outside of class (we have one class together that meets everyday) or running into me in the hallway (we live across from eahcohter in the dorms). He said that he just needs time and space to cool off and I should just let things go with the flow. When we first broke up he said he just wanted to sort things out, figure out who he was and maybe later try again. After I refused to give him space he told me he was going to have to be mean and retracted that saying he never wanted to get back together. Lately he has been nicer, even admitted to wanting to be friends again at some point. Does he just need some space and time to deal with all the stress we've been going through? Or is this just something we cant work out? He tells me that he isnt seeing anyone else, and that should be the last of my concerns- he doenst want a relationship with anyone right now. Ive spent a lot of time trying not to mope. I know we lost ourselves in eachother. He tends to like to be quiet and play games online, I tend to like to be more social. Because we were friends first and never made new friends we sacrificed what we wanted to do for eachother. Hopefully with this breakup we can learn who we are and want to be and then try again. We tried to address this issue before while we were together, but how do u go from spending all our time together to so much less without hurting the other? Next year we wont be in the same classes or living near eachother, can this work? Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Everyone should realize that second chances, as well as everything else, works on the unreliable theory of probability...-remember that in high school? It works like the old demonstration goes: If there were 75 white socks and 75 black socks in a drawer, what would be the chances of a blind man choosing two matching socks? The 'theory' of probability is that, only on the *third try* , he would finally have a matching pair. It never really mattered, at all, how many pairs of loose socks he had in the drawer. And to *increase* his chances of getting a matching pair, more colors could be added. So, second chances do not fair too well in the probability game. But come to think of it, on the other hand, -a 'sure thing' is pretty hard to find, too. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Everyone should realize that second chances, as well as everything else, works on the unreliable theory of probability ..... that sums up dating.. and relationships to a tee ..unreliable theory of probability Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Art_Critic, that wasn't a typo, 'unreliable' is, indeed, how the experts describe the theory of probability. The theory ..(smile)...is also the same one that has been used for the probability of rain, snow, hail, and all kinds of weather. Really. So now we know.... ('nother smile) And I agree with your statement(s). Thanks for posting. -Rio P.S. Correction: on the "it didn't really matter how many socks in the drawer" comment, I was wrong: it does matter...as long as there were at least three, if my memory serves me. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 The theory ..(smile)...is also the same one that has been used for the probability of rain, snow, hail, and all kinds of weather. All natural pains in the ass P.S. Correction: on the "it didn't really matter how many socks in the drawer" comment, I was wrong: it does matter...as long as there were at least three, if my memory serves me. And this is the exact reason that I only have white socks all the same age size and color in my drawers..it raises my probability that I'll find a matching pair I really liked your post Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 If it was me, I would get new socks if I could. As in fiddle with the statistical sample. Second chances can work after some time apart to realize what one missed... now the other side is, both of you may have changed. Another issue is yes you miss them but you get the bad with the good. The issue of why may still be there. My personal experiences, 2nd chances didn't work out. I usually change and in most cases, close my heart to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Still_In_Love Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Second chances can work after some time apart to realize what one missed... now the other side is, both of you may have changed. Another issue is yes you miss them but you get the bad with the good. The issue of why may still be there. I tend to disagree that second chances can work out...especially if both parties have changed. I wanted to have that second chance and I found that the more I read advice from people here, the more I took control of myself and worked on what I needed. The stronger I got within myself and returned to being "me" the further I went from my ex-gf and I regained respect for myself. I believe that it was Caliguy who made the comment that the ex comes back for a second chance when you are completely over them and moved on. How true!!! There say never say never...but I know it is never again! I am single, happy and I know someone will come into my life and I will love them more than I have shared in the past! Second chances aren't always with the ex...it's also giving yourself a second chance with yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
shelters Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Rare, but I've seen it happen. The most long-term successful story I know is of a couple who are now married for 30 years, maaadly in love, sex life like bunnies (yes, still)... but they were apart for two years and in that time apart they both went to counseling on their own for not just a tune up, but a complete overhaul. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Art_Critic, re: "..this is the exact reason that I only have white socks all the same age size and color in my drawers..." I keep more important things in mine. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 "drawers" is a UK slang word for underwear... or panties as you guys would call it... so I think I concur Rio... I keep more important things in mine. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
dr strangelove Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 another word for drawers is Gotchies, underoos, briefs, boxers, tightie whities... etc Third try huh RIO.. something to ponder, as I wonder who called me from a blocked number the other night.. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 I tend to disagree that second chances can work out...especially if both parties have changed. I wanted to have that second chance and I found that the more I read advice from people here, the more I took control of myself and worked on what I needed. The stronger I got within myself and returned to being "me" the further I went from my ex-gf and I regained respect for myself. I believe that it was Caliguy who made the comment that the ex comes back for a second chance when you are completely over them and moved on. How true!!! There say never say never...but I know it is never again! I am single, happy and I know someone will come into my life and I will love them more than I have shared in the past! Second chances aren't always with the ex...it's also giving yourself a second chance with yourself! As long as you are happy, that's all that matters. I think second chances can work, it's just the odds are very low - somewhere around 5%. I think if both people are dedicated to self-improvement and working things out anything can be accomplished. "Those who think they can and those who think they can not are both right." Link to post Share on other sites
shelters Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 "Those who think they can and those who think they can not are both right." A twist on Henry Ford's quote?... my (step) Mom quotes that line alllll the time. She also luvs the line: Fake it til you make it, baby!!! Good stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 A twist on Henry Ford's quote?... my (step) Mom quotes that line alllll the time. She also luvs the line: Fake it til you make it, baby!!! Good stuff. Believe it or not, faking it till you make it has a lot of credibility to it. You will never be able to make it unless you start at step one which is all about your attitude. And to get there you first have to believe you can. We all the ability, it just comes down to desire. Link to post Share on other sites
shelters Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Believe it or not, faking it till you make it has a lot of credibility to it. You will never be able to make it unless you start at step one which is all about your attitude. And to get there you first have to believe you can. We all the ability, it just comes down to desire. Absolutely!!! My (step) Mom is a smaat cookie. I listen very carefully to her viewpoints. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts