my story

[movinon05]

Bear with me here. Trying to condense 7 years and relive it ain't easy, so I'm just going to try to give the meat of the story.

 

I do so with much trepidation realizing what I have to admit and opening myself up for - I don’t know what. However, I do have to own it, so here it is.

 

My H and I, with our 3 sons, moved to a small town about 11 years ago. We became actively involved in little league for the boys and met many people. In this new circle of friends, there was my MM. At first I didn’t like him, but my H thought I was just being silly. As we all became more friends and socialized for a few years, I realized I had an attraction for him, but not once - ever - did I ever consider an affair. The thought never even crossed my mind. He and his W seemed happy. He always used to tease me, but I figured it was just teasing. Until one night we were all out at a club, both our spouses left. We ended up on the dance floor and at the end of the dance realized we had been holding each other a little too closely. When we got back to the bar, his first words were “How long have you known?” I knew exactly what he meant. I said, about a year. And he said it was the same for him. And so it began. It took about 3 months of communicating and trying to figure out what in the world was going on with us before we ever actually did anything. It was anguish when I realized I had fallen in love with him. I lost 45 pounds and had anxiety attacks. Neither of us had any intention of leaving our spouses at first and our children were also friends. But we could not stay away from each other. We started planning how we could possibly do this. “We” finally decided we were just going to tell our spouses. But before that could happen, we got caught.

 

Thus began 7 years of my horror story. I endured his W coming to my house and punching me in the face. Constant nasty phone calls at work. His W and my H kept in constant contact about all our whereabouts. We were going on with the facade that we were working on our marriages. I will skip all the details of what went on with my H because that, in itself, is too too long. However, I will say his drinking was nonstop, he stopped working, took his wrath out on the kids rather than me, and was going to commit suicide and ended up in an institution for a few days. But I was honest with him and told him I did not love him anymore (of this, I was sure). About 9 months later after being outed, I moved out to an apartment. My H told my children what I had done. And so began their devastation and shame. MM would sneak over, but it didn’t take long for that to be discovered. He moved to a motel, moved back. She came to my apartment and kicked me and threw things at me until he hauled her out of there. I proceeded with the divorce.

 

The whole town found out, of course. He was never treated any differently, but I was shunned - the whore outcast. Over the course of the years, our children shared confirmations, school functions, sports, graduations, having to endure the uncomfortableness and shame. We had to see their family everywhere. His W acted as if everything was normal - he was right there by her side which is all she needed for everyone to see with that stupid smirk on her face. Assuming we were over, when MM and I knew we were not, but we had to pretend in public.

 

MM always had excuses for why he couldn’t leave. I started writing all the excuses, but that will be a list a mile long. Perhaps you’ve seen the outrageous ones in one of my recent posts. He did move to an apartment at one time for about two months, then moved back because he said he couldn’t afford it. Everytime he did leave, his W would call and harass me. Follow me around in stores calling me a whore and a slut - with her children in tow. She would call my exH and my kids got put through the ringer again.

 

MM insisted the only way we could be together was for him to move in with me. This was unacceptable as I had my children half the time by this point. I could never do that to them or risk losing them. They hated him!! All the while, my H involved the children in everything, still taking his anger out on them. I was rebuilding my relationship with my children and my H was pushing them away. I was essentially all they had. My H started dating online within months of my leaving, bringing women into the home. (He is now engaged and living with his GF about 45 minutes away).

 

After living in two apartments and the divorced settled, I bought a house on the outskirts of town, so that my kids could stay in the school system. They’ve been living with me now that their father has moved.

 

So MM had nowhere to go. His W threatened him with everything imaginable. She called and harassed me insisting he said he loved her. Not once in all the phone calls did I ever tell her anything. I protected all his lies, I never gave her the details. I could have easily been ruthless myself. But I was so sure he would be with me that I felt I needed to protect him.

 

Finally, a year and a half ago, unbeknownst to me, MM had a heart attack. She got hold of his cell phone while he was in the hospital and heard a message from me and called me. She asked what he has been telling me, and I finally did tell her that he has been telling me he loves me, the same thing “he has been telling her.” He still pursued me and I gave him the final ultimatum - New Years 2005. He told me he was going to leave the day after New Years and I haven’t heard from him since. Until a month ago, when I got the infamous belated birthday handmade end tables on my porch (another post).

 

There is so much I am leaving out. But one thing was constant. My love for him. However, my love obscured all the signs, all the jealous rages, all the manipulations and lies. All he had to do was come near me and I would crumble and forgive. I know he does love me. However, too many things happened throughout the years to show me that I would never come first. No matter what he said or did, words cannot take the place of inaction. All he has is his words. I have closed off my heart to him as much as I can. I wrote a list at one time of the pros and cons of staying with him. There were 5 pros and 31 cons! And yet, I still took him back.

 

I did learn that it was a very emotionally abusive relationship. And as I’ve said, I don’t like who I was when I was with him. I do like myself now. Unfortunately, I still think about him everyday. Sometimes good, most times bad to make myself feel better about having any kind of feelings left for him. I just live with the frustration knowing that I may never love that way again. But if I did I know I’d never allow myself to be treated that way again.

 

My story may not provide too many details of what the hell was really like, but its much to cover - and the outcome is still the same, isn’t it? He’s still there and I am done. As I’ve also said, his son is graduating this year and it will only be him and his W at home. There is not one doubt in my mind he will be back. And I don’t like this hanging over my head. I think I’ve endured more than my share of any of this and I am now strong enough to tell his W face to face if she ever confronts me again. I feel no need to protect him anymore. What she does with the information is up to her (of course, I’m sure she’ll still keep him), but I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow her to keep up her charade.

 

I need to stop. I could go on forever. There is 8 years in a pathetic nutshell.

[zarathustra]

MO, its not a pathetic nutshell. It amazes me how you've been able to go through all of this for so long!

 

You mentioned that you knew you would never come first in his life, but do you feel that he could be first in yours? I mean, you told him that he couldn't stay with you because your kids hate him and it seems like you (did the right thing and) placed their happiness first, ahead of your own. I think that you are willing to place him higher than he is willing to place you in each other's lives and there in itself is an imbalance.

 

Feeling like you are not valued the same as you are willing to value someone else really sucks!

 

MO, if he cared about you, he wouldn't have let his wife treat you the way that she did. He would set her straight and make her see the problems in their marriage and make a decision on the matter. He didn't do anyone any favours by his actions.

 

I don't mean to demonize him, but he was horrible to you on an emotional standpoint. Where were you when you became a social outcast? Didn't he defend you or was he too scared?

[tigger]

My questions to you:

 

Once you both realized you had feelings for each other - why weren't you totally honest with your SO's then, rather than having an affair behind their backs?

 

Once you both realized you had feelings for each other - why didn't you stop seeing each other?

 

I'm sorry, I can't understand your relationship with your H or your MM!

 

Were I the wife of the MM - I'm fairly certain I would have had the same initial reaction she did. Though - I wouldn't have stayed.

 

Were I your H - I can't say for certain here, but I've been so emotionally distraught that I've wanted to kill myself, though again, I wouldn't have stayed.

 

I don't have patience with you people who claim "it just happened". Because nothing just happens. You knew the feelings growing inside of you, something should have been done before it got to the point it got to, before your H and the MM's W had to be hurt. Before all the children had to be hurt. Before everyone in the city had to be aware of what was going on!

 

Leaving them before an affair would have been much less painful and humiliating than waiting until everyone found out.

 

Right now, I can't feel sorry for you, your MM or his wife. I feel bad for you husband who had to endure your horrible actions and words. I feel bad for all children involved as they had no action in this yet will be affected by it significantly for their entire lives.

 

You and MM were simply put - SELFISH and are hiding behind these "emotions" you claim you have or don't have or are so pissed about etc. Honestly, how can you trust the MM when he lied and cheated on his wife with you. What makes you think you are so special that he's not going to lie or cheat on you? His LOVE for you? He LOVED his wife too, that's why they got married and had children!

 

Don't get me wrong - I understand it is possible to fall out of love with someone. I understand it's possible to fall in love with someone while you are in a relationship already. But it's what you do with that information that is right or wrong.

[ImWithHer]

It must have been difficult to write all that. Bringing up 8 years of shame, heartache, and anguish to post on a board of strangers - you have been carrying a very heavy weight. I hope this was cathartic for you, and you feel a little cleansed by the process (judgemental people notwithstanding).

 

I'm sorry your husband chose to treat you with such malice. It sounds like you tried very hard to do what was best for your children inspite of your situation. I sincerely wish you the best in putting your life back together, in rebuilding your relationship with your children, and in finding someone who can make you feel loved and cared for again.

 

You are obviously a caring person who loves deeply, and one day you'll find someone who deserves that. Good luck.

[zarathustra]

Hey Tigger, how does battering someone with your self righteous attitude when they're down feels?

 

You don't have to offer compassion... no one will demand it from you, here.

 

Oh, one more thing, we are each an individual here. We may share the same stories and same unhappy endings, but please have a bit of respect and don't refer to us as "you people".

 

Are you going to go into each thread in the OM/OW forum and pass your holy f'ing judgement now? Hope you get carpel tunnel from all the typing.

[movinon05]

MO, its not a pathetic nutshell. It amazes me how you've been able to go through all of this for so long!

 

You mentioned that you knew you would never come first in his life, but do you feel that he could be first in yours? I mean, you told him that he couldn't stay with you because your kids hate him and it seems like you (did the right thing and) placed their happiness first, ahead of your own. I think that you are willing to place him higher than he is willing to place you in each other's lives and there in itself is an imbalance.

 

Feeling like you are not valued the same as you are willing to value someone else really sucks!

 

MO, if he cared about you, he wouldn't have let his wife treat you the way that she did. He would set her straight and make her see the problems in their marriage and make a decision on the matter. He didn't do anyone any favours by his actions.

 

I don't mean to demonize him, but he was horrible to you on an emotional standpoint. Where were you when you became a social outcast? Didn't he defend you or was he too scared?

 

Since I did not provide all the nitty gritty details, I expected questions, so I will try to answer as best I can.

 

I did put him first in my life and I was so blinded I risked my children's happiness. I am not proud of that. But I have come to terms with it by putting them first as soon as I moved out, doing everything I could to be there for them. Even when I had to deal with how I was treated in town. I always showed up for everything. 8 years of that has proven and given me all I needed. As long as I was there for my children, they learned I was putting them first. We had long talks. We've always been able to talk and they told me how they felt, which is what kept us strong. I've never been closer to them.

 

I know I placed my children higher than him - because it was what I had to do. He kept wanting sacrifices from me but was not willing to make sacrifices of his own, so I did what I had to do. I know he placed me second or third or fourth and I told him that. But he just denied it with excuses.

 

No, he never defended me. He let me take the brunt of everything. Why do you think my "con" list was so long? He didn't defend me because he was saving his own hide. Feel free to demonize. I know this all now, but I was too stupid and blind and didn't believe enough in myself that I deserved more.

 

I can tell you though, that I am not treated as an outcast anymore. The people in town saw me at every function, every game, EVERYTHING, no matter who was there. My exH was hardly ever there and coaches in town or others saw how he disappeared into his own life, even as they got older and we didn't have to see them at games or whatever because the childrens' interests changed in their activities. Believe it or not, people actually respect me for what I did for my kids given the situation.

[tigger]

Oh - I'm not allowed to post my feelings? Am I not an individual on these boards? I was the SO in a relationship as she described - I don't really care how she feels!

 

Everything that happened happened because of the choices they made. Nobody did it to them - but they did it to others!

 

And yes, maybe I will go into every OW/OM post and post the same thing because I simply believe people make decisions based on themselves and only themselves when other people are going to be affected by their actions.

 

Re: carpal tunnel - Very mature!

[movinon05]

My questions to you:

 

Once you both realized you had feelings for each other - why weren't you totally honest with your SO's then, rather than having an affair behind their backs?

 

Once you both realized you had feelings for each other - why didn't you stop seeing each other?

 

I'm sorry, I can't understand your relationship with your H or your MM!

 

Were I the wife of the MM - I'm fairly certain I would have had the same initial reaction she did. Though - I wouldn't have stayed.

 

Were I your H - I can't say for certain here, but I've been so emotionally distraught that I've wanted to kill myself, though again, I wouldn't have stayed.

 

I don't have patience with you people who claim "it just happened". Because nothing just happens. You knew the feelings growing inside of you, something should have been done before it got to the point it got to, before your H and the MM's W had to be hurt. Before all the children had to be hurt. Before everyone in the city had to be aware of what was going on!

 

Leaving them before an affair would have been much less painful and humiliating than waiting until everyone found out.

 

Right now, I can't feel sorry for you, your MM or his wife. I feel bad for you husband who had to endure your horrible actions and words. I feel bad for all children involved as they had no action in this yet will be affected by it significantly for their entire lives.

 

You and MM were simply put - SELFISH and are hiding behind these "emotions" you claim you have or don't have or are so pissed about etc. Honestly, how can you trust the MM when he lied and cheated on his wife with you. What makes you think you are so special that he's not going to lie or cheat on you? His LOVE for you? He LOVED his wife too, that's why they got married and had children!

 

Don't get me wrong - I understand it is possible to fall out of love with someone. I understand it's possible to fall in love with someone while you are in a relationship already. But it's what you do with that information that is right or wrong.

 

Rather than answer all your questions because unless you had this happen to you, you wouldn't know. I'm sure you'd say that you know, but - you don't. I will respond to you by saying that I do not expect anyone to feel sorry for me, I did not say what his W did was unjustified, other than by involving her children the way she did. Perhaps you can explain to me how she can drag me through the mud, her children wish she would just leave, and then when he stays, insist they show him respect. Sorry, that boggles my mind. They have no respect for their father now and I know this for a fact.

 

I did not say I blame my husband either. Although I can tell you that he has mental problems and I don't say that lightly. If he was so wonderful, why do his children want little or nothing to do with him now. He abandonment as a father started when they were little. And he has never been there for him, they can't talk to him, he treats them like dirt when he feels like it and still expects them to take it and put up with it. They're older now. They're pretty much done with him. While I was going through this, I realized I had to be there for them even more because I had no control over what he did. As I said, I do not necessarily blame him for some of his actions, but they were over the type - mostly stemming from mental problems that he has yet to deal with. Even his own family is disgusted with him.

 

I do not trust him. Maybe I needed to be hit over the head with a sledge hammer to realize it. That was the downfall in the end anyway. She can have him. Why don't you ask her why she would stay with a man who loved her so much he pursued a woman for 8 years now. Because I can tell you, every time we split up, I made NC. He always came back. And she knows it. I wouldn't mind any of this much if I wasn't the one who was ostricized and he suffered no consequences. I took the fall for both of us. But not anymore.

[Walking away]

With all due respect Tigger...

 

Something has been lost here. It is obvious that this woman has been through tremendous heartbreak. Okay, yes, she was human. She fell as many of us do. Many people do fall for the sexual sins. Many people do not. But, what may be your weakness may not be another's. That does not make any of us bad people, just simply human. Bad choices....yes. But not bad people in general.

 

Only those who have walked in the OW or BS shoes can comprehend the magnitude of emotions these affairs elicit. And, although I understand your disdain for the affair itself.....no one with half a brain would ENCOURAGE these relationships...the fact remains that there are human beings with real feelings behind these posts.

 

I have yet to read a post where the OW kicks a BS when he/she is down. Quite the contrary. I find that much compassion is shown to the hurting wife or husband when the affair is discovered. Yes, even by us OW.

 

No one wins in these heartbreaking situations. No one. What we all can do, collectively, is support each other in our quests to emotional freedom. And, I for one, choose to uplift and support versus bashing and beating down an already wounded individual.

 

Let's agree that she is hurting, and there really is no point in reiterating the mistakes she, like many of us, have made. Let's concentrate on the growth and respect that she has been able to recoup for herself.

 

Movinon,

 

I am in your corner.

[movinon05]

It must have been difficult to write all that. Bringing up 8 years of shame, heartache, and anguish to post on a board of strangers - you have been carrying a very heavy weight. I hope this was cathartic for you, and you feel a little cleansed by the process (judgemental people notwithstanding).

 

I'm sorry your husband chose to treat you with such malice. It sounds like you tried very hard to do what was best for your children inspite of your situation. I sincerely wish you the best in putting your life back together, in rebuilding your relationship with your children, and in finding someone who can make you feel loved and cared for again.

 

You are obviously a caring person who loves deeply, and one day you'll find someone who deserves that. Good luck.

 

Thank you for your words. Truthfully, this was not cathartic. The people in my life know all the details so I didn't really need to rehash it. I only did this because someone asked. I expected some of the responses because I have no excuse for what I did other than to say I was so naive in the way of things. I didn't have the benefit of this board 8 years ago. I was truthfully blinded by his words and his "love" that I couldn't see the forest through the trees. Its not an excuse, but it is what it is. I no longer feel shame, because it is useless. No one is a saint. I have built myself a life again with my children and we are all doing great. Except for having to deal with my ex as stated above. Above all, I learned to value myself more and do something with it for my family. I was not valued in my M nor were my children.

[tigger]

Walking away: I appreciate your rational thoughts instead of railing me because of my feelings.

 

My issue isn't her the person, as I obviously don't know her. And I probably shouldn't have posted as I did. But I read these and it brings back all the humiliation I felt (feel), all the anger I felt (feel), the wanting to hurt them the way they hurt me, endless nights - yadda yadda yadda.

 

It's been nearly 3 years since this happened to me, and I still feel it happened as though it were yesterday. I'm in a wonderful relationship now and should be thanking my "friend" who cheated with my SO because I'm so much better off - none-the-less, my heart just constricts thinking about it.

 

I apologize to MovingOn - and I wish her and every one involved the greatest in life. Truly, I wish that even for my ex and though I'm having trouble working through it - I want to wish that for my "friend".

 

My best to you too Walking Away! (honestly, I tend to care too much, even though I sound like a total bitch in my first post).

[Walking away]

And, I am sorry for you, too, in the pain that you endured three years ago which still lingers with you today.

 

It is my hope that we all can come through these trials not only stronger but triumphantly.

 

BTW, I can now officially call myself an exOW. I have joined the ranks of those who have officially walked away. And will stay away. All of us...the BS and the OW deserve a life without heartache and pain and deception.

 

We are here to support you if we can. Remember, no matter what side of the fence we are on....BS or OW, we are outstanding individuals who can provide a sense of comfort to those who have either walked in or are walking in our paths.

 

My best to you too.

[tigger]

AWESOME! I hope you feel very empowered!

 

I fear that many women (like myself) stay in horrible relationships because they feel they don't deserve any better, or that there won't be someone else.

 

Taking back your life and your strength - what a way to get back at someone!!!!

[Walking away]

You are better than those horrible relationships. I have found that solitude is better than loneliness with another.

 

I told that to my ex-husband when we separated, in fact. "I am lonely. And if I am going to be lonely, I am going to be lonely alone. I am not going to be lonely with you."

 

And, I have not regretted that decision. I took back my life then and I have taken it back now.

 

My next relationship is going to be on MY terms. He is going to love me and ONLY me. I will never be in a triangle again. And I will settle for nothing less.

[movinon05]

You are better than those horrible relationships. I have found that solitude is better than loneliness with another.

 

I told that to my ex-husband when we separated, in fact. "I am lonely. And if I am going to be lonely, I am going to be lonely alone. I am not going to be lonely with you."

 

And, I have not regretted that decision. I took back my life then and I have taken it back now.

 

My next relationship is going to be on MY terms. He is going to love me and ONLY me. I will never be in a triangle again. And I will settle for nothing less.

 

First of all - THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

 

Second, I really have to say that I did learn how I want to be treated and I have not settled. I adopted the same attitude as you have. In my recent dating experiences, I have been treated really well, but nothing like my current BF of 6 months. So in many ways, I have been blessed to come out of this with a new understanding about myself and my self worth. Its really cool and feels good. Good enough to stay focused.

[Walking away]

You go girl!

 

Keep on keeping on...

[zarathustra]

Walking away: I appreciate your rational thoughts instead of railing me because of my feelings.

 

My issue isn't her the person, as I obviously don't know her. And I probably shouldn't have posted as I did. But I read these and it brings back all the humiliation I felt (feel), all the anger I felt (feel), the wanting to hurt them the way they hurt me, endless nights - yadda yadda yadda.

 

It's been nearly 3 years since this happened to me, and I still feel it happened as though it were yesterday. I'm in a wonderful relationship now and should be thanking my "friend" who cheated with my SO because I'm so much better off - none-the-less, my heart just constricts thinking about it.

 

I apologize to MovingOn - and I wish her and every one involved the greatest in life. Truly, I wish that even for my ex and though I'm having trouble working through it - I want to wish that for my "friend".

 

My best to you too Walking Away! (honestly, I tend to care too much, even though I sound like a total bitch in my first post).

 

Tigger,

 

I'm sorry you had to go through what you went through 3 years ago. I apologize too if my post came across hard. I feel like I've grown close to a lot of these women and I get a little protective of those I consider my friends.

 

I think its really horrible what you went through for you had to deal with a double betrayal and I hope that you will heal soon too.

 

I wish you all the best.

[zarathustra]

Since I did not provide all the nitty gritty details, I expected questions, so I will try to answer as best I can.

 

I did put him first in my life and I was so blinded I risked my children's happiness. I am not proud of that. But I have come to terms with it by putting them first as soon as I moved out, doing everything I could to be there for them. Even when I had to deal with how I was treated in town. I always showed up for everything. 8 years of that has proven and given me all I needed. As long as I was there for my children, they learned I was putting them first. We had long talks. We've always been able to talk and they told me how they felt, which is what kept us strong. I've never been closer to them.

 

I know I placed my children higher than him - because it was what I had to do. He kept wanting sacrifices from me but was not willing to make sacrifices of his own, so I did what I had to do. I know he placed me second or third or fourth and I told him that. But he just denied it with excuses.

 

No, he never defended me. He let me take the brunt of everything. Why do you think my "con" list was so long? He didn't defend me because he was saving his own hide. Feel free to demonize. I know this all now, but I was too stupid and blind and didn't believe enough in myself that I deserved more.

 

I can tell you though, that I am not treated as an outcast anymore. The people in town saw me at every function, every game, EVERYTHING, no matter who was there. My exH was hardly ever there and coaches in town or others saw how he disappeared into his own life, even as they got older and we didn't have to see them at games or whatever because the childrens' interests changed in their activities. Believe it or not, people actually respect me for what I did for my kids given the situation.

 

MO, you have a lot to be proud of. You can take pride in the ability to move on. You can take pride in being able to stick up for yourself when no one else would. You can also take pride in placing your children first and recognizing when he was demanding sacrifices from you without making effort on his part. Also be proud that you are not willing to settle for a life of always sacrificing. You can take pride in being a fighter and not one to back down from a challenge. Most importantly, please be proud to know not to be second best and having adopted the right attitude on how to be treated in a relationship. Heck, if you don't feel it, then I want you to know that I feel it for you. It may not make a difference to you, but I'm proud of your progress for the road you travelled was truly a hard road.

[movinon05]

MO, you have a lot to be proud of. You can take pride in the ability to move on. You can take pride in being able to stick up for yourself when no one else would. You can also take pride in placing your children first and recognizing when he was demanding sacrifices from you without making effort on his part. Also be proud that you are not willing to settle for a life of always sacrificing. You can take pride in being a fighter and not one to back down from a challenge. Most importantly, please be proud to know not to be second best and having adopted the right attitude on how to be treated in a relationship. Heck, if you don't feel it, then I want you to know that I feel it for you. It may not make a difference to you, but I'm proud of your progress for the road you travelled was truly a hard road.

 

Thanks Zara. I don't know that pride is the right word, but whatever it is is nothing I'm going to wave a flag over. It was a long road travelled. But also a growing experience in my life as I am a much different person than I was 8 years ago. I have strengths I never knew I had. And even though I have to live with the reality of what I did, I know that I ultimately made the right decisions for my family and myself to move us on with our own lives. Actually, my proudest accomplishment is my children and how very close we are and the wonderful individuals they have grown to be despite all of this.

[lovernotafighter]

movinon05 thank you for posting your story..I'm so sorry you had to endure so much pain...I can't even imagine going through what you have and still being as strong as you are,truly you have shown immense courage through all this

 

keep moving on with your head up high,god bless you. I hope one day you'll find all the love and happiness you want and deserve with the right man.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Movinon05,

 

Thank you for sharing your story. It really, really touched my heart. You are such a brave and passionate person. I do wish that you will end up happy... soon!

 

I am so heartbroken because like you, I found myself in love with an MM. However, my husband would act like your MM's crazy wife!! He would really punch the cr*p out of my MM and probably even me.

 

No, love is no fun.

 

Are you getting on better with your new BF?

[movinon05]

movinon05 thank you for posting your story..I'm so sorry you had to endure so much pain...I can't even imagine going through what you have and still being as strong as you are,truly you have shown immense courage through all this

 

keep moving on with your head up high,god bless you. I hope one day you'll find all the love and happiness you want and deserve with the right man.

 

 

Thanks so much. I was fortunate to have a very strong loving family and friends to help me through. I couldn't have done it without them. They helped guide me regarding my children and my life and made me realize I deserved much more.

[movinon05]

Movinon05,

 

Thank you for sharing your story. It really, really touched my heart. You are such a brave and passionate person. I do wish that you will end up happy... soon!

 

I am so heartbroken because like you, I found myself in love with an MM. However, my husband would act like your MM's crazy wife!! He would really punch the cr*p out of my MM and probably even me.

 

No, love is no fun.

 

Are you getting on better with your new BF?

 

Thanks for your best wishes also. And yes, my BF and I are doing really great. Funny thing is, we're doing all the things my exMM promised we would always do. We go hiking in the mountains almost every weekend and go out "in public" - something I was never able to do without worrying who would see us. Its so refreshing, I can't tell you. I feel like a human again. He makes me feel so great about myself. So, we'll see how it goes.

 

I think when I first started dating, I was kind of in a panic. Probably the wrong way to put it. But I was so worried that I would never find someone. And my first STRs were all great people, but they just pushed too much too fast and were planning our lives much too soon. I knew I needed to go through the healing process and still had to take care of my children before I could just settle down again. This guy is not in a rush either. We're just enjoying the hell out of each other and allowing it to be and grow. Its given me new confidence that all things are possible. Even if this doesn't work out in the end, we both have a great respect for each others feelings. So, I have to disagree with you when you say love is not fun. Because I found that it can be. The only hard thing I have found is that I have to stay in this town for four more years for my son and there are just too many memories. And I never know when I'm going to come upon one of these people. And it just makes it more difficult to forget. Since I know I am so much better when I am away and focused on my BF, I know that in the future, once I move away from here, I'll be better when I don't have all the constant reminders.

 

Thanks. I read up on some of your posts about your situation and I feel very bad for you. I do wish you well whatever happens.

[Iwanttohope]

Wow--I just read your story--I really appreciate you sharing all of that. I know when I journal I can't stand to go back and re-read what I've written sometimes because it hurts so much. Thank you for re-living it. It really helps people like me who are struggling and hurting through NC to know there are people like you out there who absolutely know how I feel. Its like you're sitting here with me saying--you're gonna be ok and here is how I know. Thank you MO:)

[movinon05]

Wow--I just read your story--I really appreciate you sharing all of that. I know when I journal I can't stand to go back and re-read what I've written sometimes because it hurts so much. Thank you for re-living it. It really helps people like me who are struggling and hurting through NC to know there are people like you out there who absolutely know how I feel. Its like you're sitting here with me saying--you're gonna be ok and here is how I know. Thank you MO:)

 

I just walked in from a very upsetting night, and I was surprised to see "my story" out in front again. I just want to thank you for saying that. You have no idea what it means to me.