I have a stalker...

[SmoochieFace]

yes, thats generally the way it works when dealing with rational and normal individuals.

 

I don't think it is *rational* and *normal* to have to play guessing games. If you're not interested then just say so. Why is that so difficult?

[burning 4 revenge]

Mary, how can you call my need to be with you forever stalking? When are you going to realize we are soulmates?

[a4a]

Mary, how can you call my need to be with you forever stalking? When are you going to realize we are soulmates?

 

 

:lmao:

[Adunaphel]

This brings back a deep rooted fear in all women that someone is going to come over there house knowing they live alone and might likely hurt them.

 

I did not think about this. I admit that it would take me less than this to get scared.

 

Do you live near to other people, and near to enough people?

Do you live in an apartment, in a detached house...?

 

I did not dramatize this in any way. The only * drama * is this guy scaring me saying he is going to knock on my door and I only met him once.

 

I know this is a silly question, but is it possible that he said such a thing out of concern?

Did he take you back home?

Is there a chance he might have got worried that something might have happened to you?

 

You said the emails sounded disperate.

Does anything else from his emails sound threatening?

 

I know I should have been up front and said " I'm just not interested in you "

 

But how many people here can say thats honestly * easy * to tell someone that. Recently I had a request from a potential date to tell him if I were not interested and I told him : " I dont feel a romantic connection to you " Its never easy to say something to someone that will hurt their feelings.

 

Unfortunately it is very difficult, but it can save you from a lot of embarassment later on.

Also, being rejected will always hurt anyone's feelings to a certain extent, no matter whether the other person was direct about it, or you had to learn it from hints.

I have read quite a lot of your posts, and you sound like a lovely person who cares about people and would not hurt others' feelings unnecessarily;

just keep in mind that if someone is hurt because you do not like him enough, it is not your fault.

 

Will you give us some update about the situation?

I really hope the guy is not a stalker, and that he will get the message.

[ICS]

I would say it's a tad extreme to get the law involved without first letting him know your intentions. One quick email would do if you don't feel up to the task of talking on the phone. He seems like a man who doesn't know the rules of dating, or trying to show his attraction to you through the most direct ways.. I guess alot of women get scared that way.

[serial muse]

I don't think it is *rational* and *normal* to have to play guessing games. If you're not interested then just say so. Why is that so difficult?

 

Wholeheartedly agree. I posted about this same issue somewhere in the Breaking Up forum last week.

 

There is no substitute for simple directness. Honesty may cause brief pain, but evasiveness and avoidance drive people craaaaazeeeee:

 

Mary, how can you call my need to be with you forever stalking? When are you going to realize we are soulmates?

 

See??? This poor man.

[Mary3]

I will answer these posts individually tonite when I get home from work. I have 2 minutes here but I just wanna say " I love you Guys " for being so kind and funny and caring. And some are real direct ( just like me ) except for this situation , which I need to grow some bal**

[a4a]

Mary if you really want to be rid of him quick and not hurt his feelings email or call him and ask if he can give you a couple thousand dollars so you can bail your ex out of jail!

 

He will surely leave you alone no matter what, even serial killer stalkers know when to run from a relationship!

[Mary3]

I told him I am not interested and do not come over. Hows that ??

[a4a]

I told him I am not interested and do not come over. Hows that ??

 

 

Well lets hope that you were a little kinder than :

 

I am not interested.

Don't come over.

 

[Lishy]

wow Mary I sure hope it didnt say it quite like that hon!

[jerbear]

whoa! I thought I was excessive. I call 3 times max in one week and then another one the week after and that is it. Depending on who it is and not on 1 date gals.

 

I drop them off at the corner and have them get their keys ready before getting out of the car.

 

It is like after a few dates (3+) before I even set foot into her place.

 

At least you replied back you were not interested; hope he stays away.

[Craig]

Get the law involved. Don't let it get as bad as my situation is right now. Stop it before it gets real scary.

Good point Woogle. Mary3 you've told him you're not interested and not to come over so now if he says he's still going to come over you call 911 right away. It's not excessive, you just don't know who is a little thick and who is going to be persistent to the point of wrecking the next 3 to 5 years of your life. The cops get these calls all the time, they'll most likely talk to him and he'll get the message if he hasn't already. Depending on your jurisdiction he could be in deep s*** if he tries to contact you after the warning from the cops.

 

It only sounds excessive until someone puts a bullet through your house.

[Mary3]

Thats pretty much what I said .

 

You guys said be to the point.

 

I figured its just best to let him know that I am not interested.

 

When I got out of my car I looked around...

 

Geez seems like I can't win on this one. Say nothing and thats not cool, so say something.

 

I say something and that might not be cool either...

 

Well I think I made it clear and the men here said they would have wanted it to be clear and direct.

 

I really am not a mean person at all so that was hard for me.

 

I guess next time I need to leave a message and say I did not feel a connection so the man can move on .

[Mary3]

I was thinking *excessive* when he puts a bullet in my head... as I step out of the car.. if he really is that Zonkers.

 

You know female , late at night , coming home.

 

I don't relish the idea of driving home alone late at night and the idea that he could be waiting for me tonite was Real.

 

You just have to be female to understand that we always have to be on guard when it comes to traveling and coming to and from.... We are not physically as strong as men in defending ourselves.

 

Unless we take some self defense classes. I wonder how much those come into play when you are really being attacked. ??

[Mary3]

You should definitely give this man the respect you would want, by replying to his emails and telling him while you are flattered he is interested in you, that you didn't feel the connection, or maybe tell him you are pursuing someone else right now and want to see where that goes.

 

Jennifer

 

I agree aria and while I might not be given the respect in every dating situation , he has the right to be told.

 

Although it was creeping me out that he said he was going to come over to my house and force me to talk to him and would keep trying until he got me at home was a little un-nerving....

[Mary3]

Well the reason he is stalking you is because he hasn't realized you are not too fond of him, there for you ...you should really tell him to bug off, fly a kite or something

 

I think if I told him to bugg off that might piss him off more. . I just told him I was not interested ....

[Mary3]

Mary, how can you call my need to be with you forever stalking? When are you going to realize we are soulmates?

 

Omg lol b4r

[Mary3]

yes, thats generally the way it works when dealing with rational and normal individuals.

 

 

most men don't have to deal with this....so then are men and women really equal in every way?

 

 

its not easy but it can be said in an indirect way but there will always be some who cannot figure it out.

 

Of course we aren't equal in * every* way, You have a pen**..silly...

[Craig]

Unless we take some self defense classes. I wonder how much those come into play when you are really being attacked. ??

If the classes are real and not some fake martial arts self defense krap the techniques do work. If you are looking for a course, it has to be simple and fast and easy to learn AND teach you how not to be a target in the first place.

[Mary3]

I did not think about this. I admit that it would take me less than this to get scared.

 

Do you live near to other people, and near to enough people?

Do you live in an apartment, in a detached house...?

 

 

 

I know this is a silly question, but is it possible that he said such a thing out of concern?

Did he take you back home?

Is there a chance he might have got worried that something might have happened to you?

 

You said the emails sounded disperate.

Does anything else from his emails sound threatening?

 

 

 

Unfortunately it is very difficult, but it can save you from a lot of embarassment later on.

Also, being rejected will always hurt anyone's feelings to a certain extent, no matter whether the other person was direct about it, or you had to learn it from hints.

I have read quite a lot of your posts, and you sound like a lovely person who cares about people and would not hurt others' feelings unnecessarily;

just keep in mind that if someone is hurt because you do not like him enough, it is not your fault.

 

Will you give us some update about the situation?

I really hope the guy is not a stalker, and that he will get the message.

 

I know one thing for sure. If I get an email from him I won't delete it . Might even post it here so you guys can tell me what you think. I still have the other one. Maybe I should put it on here...I dunno...

 

I live near neighbors who all work different shifts. There are a few that live nearby.

 

Thank you for such a kind letter. I am a super nice person so this is out of my element to be so direct in the dating sort of way but I know it had to be done.

 

Not so nice that I get walked on anymore though Pretty strong but still fun to be around and very independant.

 

That was where I really got pissed. I don't like the idea of someone telling me they are coming over whether I like it or not.! Boy , that really made me realize I had to do something quick so I posted here.

[Mary3]

( My name ) please we need to talk its me (His name ). baby please we NEED

to talk. im thinking of coming to your apartment if you dont respond.

 

There are 2 more similar to this that say pretty much that if I dont answer the phone or emails that he is coming over to my house and going to knock on my door until I open it....creepy..!

[runner]

calling you 'baby' after one first date and threatening to come over...does sound like a creep

[littlekitty]

There's no denying he sounds like a bit of weirdo....!!

 

But getting to this stage could have probably been avoided with an early rebuff on Mary's account! Ahhh well. It is never easy to tell someone, we all have to grow a pair of balls when we do it, and we've all probably shied away from it at some point!

 

I always find the line 'I've got back with my ex' works wonderfully. I've used that one more than once!!

[MadDog]

( My name ) please we need to talk its me (His name ). baby please we NEED

to talk. im thinking of coming to your apartment if you dont respond.

 

There are 2 more similar to this that say pretty much that if I dont answer the phone or emails that he is coming over to my house and going to knock on my door until I open it....creepy..!

 

How the hell does a guy ever turn into such a f***ing weirdo/loser? The only explanation can be decades of unsuccessfully trying to get laid. No guy who's gotten laid anytime recently can come off as mentally deficient as this guy. Talk about emotional problems.