Read!! Im soo conflicted

[Mama805]

So Im in a situation and I need some help.. it make take some time to type this all but please bare with me, as I need all the input I can get. So here is my story...

 

In 2000 I started dating M, we hit it off immediatly.. he was funny, caring, out going, and we had ALOT in common... we like the same kinds of people, the same music and interest..etc.. I totally fell for him. A few months into the relationship we split up, he was in the military and getting out and moving back to his home town.. we werent together long enough to even consider my packing up and moving with him, so we seperated. Shortly after he started to date someone and I moved on.. two months after seperating I met J... you could say i was on the rebound... J is my complete opposite, he isnt into the same music as I, we have different types of friends, but he was an amazingly sweet guy,caring, and completly loyal.. he was cheated on before by an ex and was devestated... he is the picture perfect husband, any girl would be lucky to have him.. anyways so J and I started dating 5 months later he proposed to me and I said yes... that was in August.. that same month i received an e-mail from M... the first one i had received since we split..... he told me that he split with the girl he was with and wanted to try to work things out with me.... later that month we met up and I slept with him.. I realized I made a mistake and we stopped communicating with one another... J never knew and I figured I just did it cause I was still in love with him and the break up was so fresh.. M and I lost contact for a while... about 5 months, before he e-mailed me again to catch up and see how i was doing... I was still engaged to J but thinking about M and wanting to know where he was, and what he was up too... we met up again.. we kissed and that was were it ended.. shortly after J and I left the state and M started to date someone new... J and I got married the following year (04) in August, got a house together and started living together... I didnt talk to M the entire time, he was still with the same girl and had not heard from him. After a year of no contact,he e-mailed me to tell me about the homecoming of a mutual friend and we talked about how strange it would be to see one another after so long..... we had a mutual friend that was coming back from the military and J, M and I were all there to welcome him home. The moment I saw him all these feeling started to rush back to me and I realized how much I missed him and how i longed to be with him again. After the homecoming, about 2 weeks after seeing one another for the first time in about a year, I went up to his home to see him... and we slept together again.....that brings me to present day... M and I started to see each other off and on from about august to nov, then i stopped seeing him because i knew what i was doing was wrong... and i wanted to try to be a good wife to J... but the feelings for M have yet to leave me in Feb of this year we hooked up again, he left his girlfriend, telling me that every girl he has dated he has compared them to me and no one measures up for him, he wants to be with me... we are now still seeing each other, and I am thinking about divorcing J, its not that i dont love him, i love him as a person, but i feel that i am not in love with him any longer.. like there isnt a connection. I have to force myself to show him affection.... and the biggest part that makes me question my marriage is the fact that everytime i go and see M i know its wrong to do that behind Js back but I dont regret anything i have done.. if I wasnt constantly thinking about how bad J would be hurt if he found out what i was doing with M, then i would be so happy, because everytime Im with M it just feels so right... but now Im conflicted because M and I have talked about my leaving J and moving to the same city as him to see what we can make of our relationship... but the thought of telling J i want a divorce is killing me cause I know it would break his heart, I have told J that I feel there isnt a connection there and he wants to try to rebuild that connection, but honestly i dont want to put the effort in to fix it... I want to be on my own to see what happens with M.. but Im scared because at times I think what if I go to see what i can make with M and nothing happens and then I realize I should have just stayed with J, at least I know he would treat me good and be a good husband... but if I leave J to be with M and I know I would never have that chance to be with J again because he knows M and he probably would not take me back if he realized i wanted a divorce to see what i could have with M.. so now i wonder, do i follow my heart and leave J and take that risk on what could happen, so do I just settle with J cause i know he is a good husband although I feel there isnt the connection with him, the way there is with M! UGGHHHH Im so confused... i dont want to make the wrong decision... please help

[bkz]

Ok so im speaking totally out of feeling with my current situation but........Youve got to be kidding me? I mean go ahead and try and build a real relationship with m. I mean if a real relationship can be built on lies, how could you think hed ever trust you and how can you think hes SUCH a great guy when hed be with you knowing your married and the relationship between you two is having a hand in ending your marriage. I mean do you think youd be so eager to leave J if it wasnt for m being in the picture? Even if you do have problems wouldnt you try and work on them if you didnt have m to run to? Ok im gonna get off my soap box now but geeeeeez people, doesnt anyone have any morals or these days!!!!!!!

[mental_traveller]

Do your husband a favour and come clean, then divorce and get together with this other guy. Really you ought to take the minimum settlement that won't leave you in penury, because you've treated this marriage as a joke and your husband doesn't deserve to suffer financially because of your repeated adultery. And count your lucky stars that you don't have kids together. Also don't ever get married because you clearly don't take the marriage vows seriously.