Guest Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Married 8 years....together for 13....3 very young kids....married young....only dated each other..... 4 years ago, my husband visited a massage parlor 2X lied about the situation (as expected) and said it was for a problem he had took a while....felt sorry for him....forgave and moved on last year.....went to strip club in VIP room.....lied about it....found out truth truth about 4 years came out....all that forgiveness and work for nothing.... went to marriage counseling last year.....problem still there for me...started losing romantic feelings...push the feelings aside for kids....now came to a head 2 months ago told him... back in counseling...... all times swears nothing happened in these places...can not trust that all times swears will never do it again....can't trust that either I feel it is infidelity...... I can not trust..... I think it will happen again (even in the midst of our problems....found out he went to porn site....was confronted....lied....then told "truth")....... Love but no longer "in love"....... Angry..... Everyone says think of the kids......he never did..... At crossroads of separation..... Am I overreacting? Am I being reasonable? Any advice please..... Link to post Share on other sites
scottishgirl Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 Married 8 years....together for 13....3 very young kids....married young....only dated each other..... 4 years ago, my husband visited a massage parlor 2X lied about the situation (as expected) and said it was for a problem he had took a while....felt sorry for him....forgave and moved on last year.....went to strip club in VIP room.....lied about it....found out truth truth about 4 years came out....all that forgiveness and work for nothing.... went to marriage counseling last year.....problem still there for me...started losing romantic feelings...push the feelings aside for kids....now came to a head 2 months ago told him... back in counseling...... all times swears nothing happened in these places...can not trust that all times swears will never do it again....can't trust that either I feel it is infidelity...... I can not trust..... I think it will happen again (even in the midst of our problems....found out he went to porn site....was confronted....lied....then told "truth")....... Love but no longer "in love"....... Angry..... Everyone says think of the kids......he never did..... At crossroads of separation..... Am I overreacting? Am I being reasonable? Any advice please..... i dont think what he did or didnt do is the problem anymore, the fact is your not in love and you do not trust him. sorry to be blunt but i stayed in a relationship for 4 years for the sake of my child and it never changed. i just made myself misserable and in the end didnt help my daughter any so i decided enough is enough, its a brave decission to make, its hard and comlicated and things are really hard at times. but life is far too short to spend time in a loveless relationship for the sake of kids. i was the same as you, loved him but wasnt in love with him, felt like living with a good friend or brother. looking at what you have said, you have tried various ways to stay together and if after all this time you still feel the same way then maybe its time to call it a day. however if you can see even a glimmer of hope that your relationship can be what it was then try again. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 you have tried various ways to stay together and if after all this time you still feel the same way then maybe its time to call it a day. however if you can see even a glimmer of hope that your relationship can be what it was then try again. Thank you so much for your input. I do not think things can ever be the same. We seperated yesterday. Last night was my first night alone. On our end, me and the kids, we took it very well. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 4 years ago, my husband visited a massage parlor 2X lied about the situation (as expected) and said it was for a problem he had last year.....went to strip club in VIP room.....lied about it....found out truth truth Ok let me get this straight! You found out about your H going to a massage parlour , OK HOW? Then last year you found out about him going to a strip club, HOW? Are you having the guy followed? Do you look in his pockets or wallet for incriminating evidence? Yes it sounds like you two have problems but is there a reason his doing these things? What are they? Infidelity? maybe, maybe not maybe it's a symptom of other problems in your relationship that is causing these things. Leave him? Over this? Come on, if this is a reason to leave someone, maybe marriage has no meaning whatsoever anymore, get some couselling get some communication going, sounds to me like you both might need it together and apart. If marriage was all roses there wouldn't be pages and pages of marital help in the phone book. Use it and don't end something unless you're totally prepared to change your life and maybe not for the better. Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
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