Krystin Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Hi ya'll, I'm new here and I'm having a really weird jealousy problem that I don't really understand, myself... I've been with my man for over 5 months now, he is in the army, he's been deployed to afghanistan and iraq twice, and obviously he has dated other girls along the way...just as I have dated other guys in my life too. He is older than me, hes about 23, im about 19... Well anyway Not as time progressed obviously we got to know eachother, get more and more intimate, learned about eachothers pasts and all of that...Well now, months later, I find myself jealous of his ex's..LOL I don't really understand WHY, but I guess the thought of other girls having been able to be with him just depresses me! I don't know if this is normal or not, to me it isn't because I've never really had this problem before in my life...So I am a bit confused..I have talked to him about it, and its gotten a little ugly in the past with me getting aggitated or depressed about it and getting distant from time to time trying to figure out whats wrong with me and how to go about fixing it...So we've talked about it to the point he has told me he regrets it and wishes he could change everything in our pasts that upset us, and that he doesn't even think about it ever, and forgets it till I bring it up... And I KNOW you can't change the past I know we all do stupid things. I AM in love with him and I know he loves me, I even suggested taking a break from the relationship so I can sort this out cause I really do not know whats goin on with me! ..But then he started crying and got really sensitive saying he doesn't wanna lose me and that he wants to be here for me and figure this out with me, etc...SO anyway..sorry for the long post but I can't figure out what to do..any advice would be appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
For You I Will Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 Hey girl. Iam too goin through something similar. Everytime I see my BF's x's I get this horrible feeling in my stomach. This is what helps me... the PAST IS THE PAST. You cant change it. Think about your past. The guys that you dated..things that you have done. There are probably some things that he gets uneasy about also. It takes time & hard work.. but it sounds like this guy really loves you. Just try not to think about it. Think about your future w/ him & the postive, good things!! I know how ya feel. Keep your head up.. & goodluck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Krystin Posted April 22, 2006 Author Share Posted April 22, 2006 Hey...thanks for the advice, I know the past is the past and all..its just really hard for me all of a sudden......all i can imagine is his ex's trying to be around him and the thought of what they might of done makes me sick and It almost becomes unbearable..And I don't know why..because yeah the past is the past and it isn't happening. It's just the thoughts and my insecurities I guess..I just wanna be happy with him and make him happy but with this stuff haunting me how am I supposed to, you know? I try to block it out and conciously intervene when i start thinking of it or whatever, and it's hard. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 This is normal especially with long-distance relationships. It happened to me to for the first time with my current husband. It goes away with time. Just don't pay attention to your thoughts and negative feelings about it. When you want to say something to him about this, just shut up! Time makes you feel more and more comfortable and trustful. I still feel jealous of his ex-wives and believe me, it totally doesn't make any sense. He loves me to death and has no feelings for them. the other day, he told me he took the airplane that we flew in to Florida two years ago. I know he flew to Florida with his ex after they were divorced. I suddenly got jealous, but controlled myself and decided to get the thought out of my mind. I did and felt good. It's only inside you. Worry about new girls, not the exes, unless you know he has feelings for them still. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Krystin Posted April 23, 2006 Author Share Posted April 23, 2006 Lol wow! Well atleast mine hasn't been married before And he doesn't have any feelings for any of his ex girlfriends, infact he only ever thinks about it when I talk about it and he says they can take a leap off a cliff for all he cared..lol and as far as new girls, im pretty secure with him about that he doesn't pay them any mind really, whenever we're out and a girl flirts with him he puts his arm around me and stuff and they go away. haha. Thanks for ya'lls advice hopefully soon I wont have to worry about this jealousy thing anymore :/ I can't wait till he's out of the military though! Tomorrow he's working a full 24 hours o_O! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Lol wow! Well atleast mine hasn't been married before And he doesn't have any feelings for any of his ex girlfriends, infact he only ever thinks about it when I talk about it and he says they can take a leap off a cliff for all he cared..lol and as far as new girls, im pretty secure with him about that he doesn't pay them any mind really, whenever we're out and a girl flirts with him he puts his arm around me and stuff and they go away. haha. Thanks for ya'lls advice hopefully soon I wont have to worry about this jealousy thing anymore :/ I can't wait till he's out of the military though! Tomorrow he's working a full 24 hours o_O!My husband (which is second) also doesn't have any feelings for his ex-wives. How do you know how much he thinks about something? Don't try to get inside his head, it's not healthy for you. Just enjoy your love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Krystin Posted April 23, 2006 Author Share Posted April 23, 2006 hehe don't worry I'm not trying to get inside his head, he's very open with me about how he feels about somthing most of the time, I know not to pry about anything unless I have to Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 My wife and I were 48 and 50, respectively, when we started dating and then married. That made for some 98 years of collective baggage and pasts. It would have been grossly unfair of each of us to expect that the other didn't have a past that included other people. At your young ages, it's natural and midling. Set your sights ahead and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
shanequa_420 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 I really appreciate the advice you gave the other girl, but I am having some issues of my own. In my situation I have been with my fiance for about five years now three of which we have been engaged. He just started a my space and he invited his all of his yahoo friends to view it. Well it just so happens that one of his yahoo friends is his first love. Now she is on there and I got really jelous seeing her on there. It brought up mixed feelings that I have had throughout our relationship. He has always kept his email password a secret from me and after seeing this I started to wonder why. Therefore I confronted him. After confronting him several times he finally showed me what the big secret was. About 4 or 5 months into our relationship which was long distant at the time he was emailing her and she was emailing him. There were probably 10 emails from her in 2002. I was about to read them, but I decided not read them because it would probably cause more pain than it is worth. Should I be worried about this. He is my first love so I am having a hard time understanding how he could still care about her and wonder what she is up to or so he says. Link to post Share on other sites
mellie26wr Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 It is so nice to know I am not the only woman out there who literally wants to vomit when we have to speak about his ex's. He was in a 8 year relationship and has a son with this woman. I respect he is a dad as I am a mother of 2. But this ex of his will not get the hint. She even has gone as far as to call his sister and spread a rumor that there is a warrant out for his arrest just to get him to talk to her. But he wont! Hang in there! If you get any good advice let me know! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Krystin Posted April 25, 2006 Author Share Posted April 25, 2006 hehe thanks for all the advice guys and im glad to know im not the only one experiencing this crappy jealousy..like tonight I'm just really down about it again......it just seems to get worse...Sometimes it makes you wonder if you should even bother with the relationship if you can't even deal with somthing that isn't happening anymore, y'know? But I love him and I know he loves me and I'm secure on that...I really wanna just stop thinking about it all together or atleast become numb to it and not care at all. I just can't figure out how, whenever I conciously intervene it just starts back up later and so on and so forth.. And I don't wanna talk to him about it anymore because all it does is risk reminding him...than that just makes it worse! Shanequa: myspace is like a curse sometimes for couples LOL all sorts of overly-flirtatious people on there. And people will flirt more on there because it isn't to their face. If it bugs you alot you should ask him if he can stop talking to her, for you, so you can feel secure, or ask that he keeps it to a minimum if he (for some weird reason) HAS to keep up with her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts