My situation...

[rmnemt]

I'm just going to throw this out here, I'd appreciate any comments/thoughts anyone has.

 

I'm a 19 y/o guy in college. I've never had any luck with girls. I've never been on a date, never really had a girl as a close friend, nothing. I've had a few girls as very casual friends, which usually means talking online or in person for maybe 10-15 once a month or so. Trying to make some progress with getting to know girls closer has without question been the most frustrating aspect of the last six years of my life.

 

I came into college with very high expectations - everyone I had ever spoken to had told me that college would be the "best four years of my life" socially and that everything that was a frustration in high school would work itself out.

 

Nothing could have been farther from the truth. When I came on campus, I spent a few nights hanging out with an incredibly beatiful, inteligent girl who I had spent some time talking to over the summer who lived in the suite across the hall from me. We spent an hour or two together as friends over the course of the week, then things began to decintergrate to some degree, and soon she ended up dating a guy who also lives in her suite. That relationship lasted for the remainder of the year (which is now coming to a close) and the guy is transfering, but they want to try and keep it going long distance.

 

Outside of her, there was really no one I got to know well (as far as girls), most of them seemed to be very heavily into the drinking/partying scene, which I was not so interested in (I drink socially and will go to parties, but don't have the "let's get absolutely wasted!" mentality of a lot of my peers).

 

I've become involved in campus activities - in high school, I trained to be an EMT and joined the on-campus EMS service the first day school was in session. No one really interesting there, mostly upperclassmen who are genuinely nice, but no one who anything would work out with (I still volunteer 20 hrs/wk there). I was involved in an environmental group that promoted energy conservation/recycling/environmental stuff for the University in exchange for a small weekly stipend. Recently, I ran for election as a student senator and won, so I'm now involved in the student government, though I don't see much potential there, though I will see as that goes on.

 

Other than the social situation, my first year at college has been amazing. First semester, I worked on a personal alternative energy project that recieved coverage on several prominent websites as well as a nationally distributed magazine. Second semester, I took a job and am using the money to fufill a lifelong dream of getting my private pilot's certificate. I am universally respected by everyone I live with/around, I have developed a reputation of going out of my way to help absolutely everyone, and people regularly come to me to thank me for everything I've done, many saying that, they 'would have no idea how'd they'd get by if I wasn't around.'

 

And, despite all my personal sucesses, I'm still very lonely.

 

With the year drawing to a close and plans to stay on campus for the summer, I have no idea where to go from here.

 

I go to school with 8,000 other people, 3,500 of which live on campus with me. There's got to be some way to meet some of those people and get something to work out into a relationship, which is ultimately what I want. It seems just approaching random people seems like a useless strategy, I'm involved in activities where I'm very respected, but people tend to have a tremendous professional respect for me but are not very personally involved with me (i.e. people will come to me with any question, or anytime they need help, but not just to chat personally).

 

Everything else in my life has come with hard work. I used to run a business in high school - the harder I worked, the more I earned. A high GPA came through hard work. I've attained a number of leadership positions on campus through hard work. I'm fufilling lifelong dreams like taking flying lessons - all it took was some effort and hard work. But it seems no matter how much energy I expend on trying to get things to work out with girls, I seem to have no sucess.

 

As a side note, some people have suggested that I just forget about it for a while, and something will work out if I don't stress about it so much. I tried that for a year in high school, and nothing came of it - the problem is that on a day to day basis, I don't really talk to any girls or have any as friends, so if I just stop trying, then I just don't have any contact with girls at all.

 

It seems everyone else seems to get things to work out with girls - and I just have no luck at all.

 

Anyone have any suggestions of ways I could meet people, or what I'm doing right/wrong? At this point, I'm willing to take any suggestions.

[Rylan]

Listen... I've had girl troubles myself.... First off... Do you work out? I've been getting muscles, Girls love ripped bodies:love: . It's not necisarilly ur fault... The girls at my school are all so ditsy and annoying.. Its hard for me to actually find a girl that isnt dumb... Yet not super smart....

 

Its all about the appearance.. if u got glasses... Try contacts.... What you wear... a very important thing... Go do things you like to do, Maybe you'll find someone there. You're hair... Short, Long, Curley? Make a good first impression...

 

Depends on what you would do for a date aswell... What would you do?

 

I used to have spikey hair... and no fashion sense... now that i've got a shag... My female friends have multiplied by 50. I have been dressing better aswell... No more fluds and sweat pants for me:D.

 

Look for a good paying job that you can meet lots of people.

[aleatoryd]

I used to have spikey hair... and no fashion sense... now that i've got a shag... My female friends have multiplied by 50. I have been dressing better aswell... No more fluds and sweat pants for me:D.

 

I agree with the fashion/styling comment. There's no need to dress all designer - apparently its the in thing to have designer clothes without blatantly showing the labels. Eagle eyed girls can sense fashion LOL! But seriously I had terrible fashion sense because I'm a man and I like to chill out, play sports, wear the same clothes for a week etc. And what is colour coordination all about???

 

Then enter my sisters - new clothes, new style, actually bothered about my hair, clean shaven and rimless fashionable glasses instead of the old goldfish bowls and now I look much better. Exercise is good but to be honest the right clothes can make a guy look trim whereas the wrong cheap look makes us look awful.

 

I have clothes which are fashionable to "half-zip" up, and hoods which you can't actually use - but it's fashion so go figure! Also smart clean shoes. Girls have a shoe thing if you haven't noticed. 90% of women dislike beards according to some poll in the UK.

 

Just make sure you don't act desperate. Remember from the person you've described yourself as you are a high flier who just needs to come down to earth. Girls probably think you are aloof, stand offish, superior, not interested etc. Just start by saying hi, and if you "have" to, do what my friend does and chat up bar staff and shop cashiers some how he charms them like mad. But he's a bit of a player... Jokes are good - witty and not rehearsed one liners and flirting. Good luck.