Bogun Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 Taking pole dancing classes has become quite trendy in big cities so I wouldnt get so uptight about it. Apart from any thing else, I understand its a hard workout (I'm being serious, no double entendre intended). Just remember those tools in the class aren't going to be the ones who'll get to see the real show. What kind of guys who aren't gay take a pole-dancing class anyway? The same kinds of guys that turn up to yoga classes to pick up the hot chicks. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 To snefclarb...I agree that there often seems to be a bias stating "Dump her/him!" I think in many cases it is due to the original poster having painted a very dark, biassed picture of a relationship, where the OP is all fair and right and honest, and the SO is a scum. Which is so rarely the case. And you surely didn't do that. I believe in supporting relationships that are basically OK. Any r/s will have SOME problems, and I agree that many CAN and SHOULD be solved. But on to your situation...I don't agree that she is showing you the ultimate disrespect. Her (possible) desire to get reactions from male viewers could be partially unconscious. It IS clear that you have not fully expressed your feelings and fears to her. In general, when you open up to her, is she respectful of your feelings, does she make an effort to hear and understand? If so, then the obvious next step is to really tell her what you are feeling. You sound like a level-headed guy who can easily keep your tone calm and constructive, rather than lapsing into accusations or insults. It's still going to be hard to do, because you have to share your vulnerability. If she typically does not respect your feelings, well then...hmmmm...I guess I'll give the "standard LS advice". Final thought: To someone like your gf, who loves to dance and has danced all her life, the idea of giving up or limiting dancing is a HUGE sacrifice. It's equivalent to what the loss of movies, music, cigarettes, dessert, pets, books, biking, etc. might be to others. It sounds like a major joy in her life. So there is no easy, snap answer. I recommend loving negotiation, based on each of you expressing your feelings about the dancing, and your commitment to the relationship, as you seek a solution that meets both your needs. You do need to let her know EVERY feeling you have shared with us. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 T Final thought: To someone like your gf, who loves to dance and has danced all her life, the idea of giving up or limiting dancing is a HUGE sacrifice. It's equivalent to what the loss of movies, music, cigarettes, dessert, pets, books, biking, etc. might be to others. It sounds like a major joy in her life. So there is no easy, snap answer. I recommend loving negotiation, based on each of you expressing your feelings about the dancing, and your commitment to the relationship, as you seek a solution that meets both your needs. You do need to let her know EVERY feeling you have shared with us. Good luck! Wrong - she can dance just not seductively right in front of other men. Why can't she dance with girls or by herself? I like music, does that mean I can play love songs in my room with another woman while my gf sits outside stressing out? The problem is not the dancing, it's with being provocative in front of men. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 To the OP -- there's nothing wrong with "opening up to her" -- as it relates to what is in your picture and what is not. You're not married to her, so why would you stay in a relationship where something bothers you. Especially where it is something with a suspect underlying cause: desire for attention. Ask yourself how your g/f would react if you were to buy women drinks in a bar because you like the attention... You can play it how you want, but exposing your "fears" will just make your reaction play into what she gets out of this -- that clearly her provacative dancing has an effect on you and on other men. This is not something to accomodate -- this is how your g/f would/could get into rough situations, how she might start getting strange phone calls in the middle of the night, how some dude takes a liberty with her on the dance floor, etc. Just decide what's right for you, let her know. She either respects it and you, and you stay together, or you walk. If there's something you do that's equally inappropriate, cut it out. Link to post Share on other sites
amblin Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Maybe she's insecure and feels the need to be "looked at" or "desired" by other men. She may need that ego feed to feel good about herself. I absolutely hate that excuse. I've had someone tell that to me once as an excuse for all their dirty behaviour and it angered me so much that all I could muster out of my mouth was "That's a load of CROCK! *beep*" because I was speechless. If people don't feel satisfied enough with the attention from their SO and feel the need to be in perverts' spotlights, then they should save both themselves and the SO the time and pain and just live a care free single life. No need to drag others down in the mud with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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