after 4 yrs, still bitter?

[making it]

divorced in 5-02, was nasty, X had affair with married woman my oldest son age, they are now M. X abused one of her 3 boys with a belt, her X couldnt get him arrested or charged because he used to be a cop in small town where they live. left because of affair on duty & stealing, wasnt fired, made to resign. chief of police lost his job too, he was best friend & covered for him. X refused to call our son who is now 17, or keep touch with him unless it was on xmas or birthday then just a card with check. I lost 1/2 Husband retirement check, because of him being hometown boy & cop, my attorney said his dad & judge are friends. 14 yrs of our 17ys marriage was military. we divided half of our saving, X got half of son saving but found out later it was under son 32 yr old brothers name & judge said he couldnt divided it.

took X to court in AL , where he lives & our divorce was, for nonpayment of court order medical, his attorney said he paid, judge dismissed without him or me showing papers where he didnt pay. I live in Fl and cannot afford to bring my case back home.

our divorce papers say our marrage was broke up due to adultery. he wasnt happy about that being in there. they just bought a new home, bmw sports car, new van, he is parole officer, her Rn. just received court paper yesterday for not letting him see his son? and half of our money that was he said was not divided? moved back home. bought a fixer upper house, got a job after 17 yrs of marriage, I did not work. when I retire at 70 I will be getting just under 350 a month for SS. no 401 or savings. Im 52 with bad health &trying to raise a son that just got over counsiling because of divorce.

our son refuses to see dad or talk to him and X knows this, son told dad he wants no part of his new life. I do not want to spend the rest of my life fighting this man. what can I do? X says he will not be happy until Im in jail. I feel like going to jail to just it over with. why is he trying to hurt me, I did not kick him out, did my share of crying and begging. but he walked out on his family. when X left he changed into a person I never knew he could be. Has anyone else had this problem and what can I do. Ive gone on with my life and trying to get along with X. the only thing our son has ask his dad for is to say Im sorry and he wouldnt do it. what else can I do?