I need her back...

[Terence77]

To those helpful souls out there...I really am in need of your opinion if I am still are able to win her back.

 

Am going to do quite a long post of how all things started.

 

I met this girl Anthea while I was working in this company as a contract stuff. I got to know her better after one whole week of overtime and thereafter, we went out for dinner...during this period of time (dinner after OT), she told me her problem with her then husband. Yes, she was married. Being a guy and just a friend then, my advice to her was to sort things out with her husband, she told me she tried and couldn't work things out as she no longer felt what she used to feel for her husband after her husband betrayed her with someone else during a business trip.

 

So came that faithful day where we both took leave and went for an early morning movie but since I was playing online games for the whole nite, I was burn out after our movie and had initiate to go home. So I asked her what will she be doing and her answer was "roam around till maybe 10pm but it was only 2pm then" so I said then lets just find a place to sit or somewhere I can rest for a bit and she suggest how about motel? I was taken aback, but gave in to the idea hoping nothing will happen. When we reached there, we slept but half way through, things happened and I felt like a bastard. After that we checked out and went for dinner and head back to our own home.

 

Next week came and we met again in the office but after sorting things out within myself, I decide to let her know that we can't go on this way. She cried and for the next two weeks, she broke down almost everyday when I see her. It hurt me to see her go on like that. So we talked again.

This time, she was sure she doesn't love her husband again and wanted me as her partner but I told her that its not possible if she's in a marriage still. So this argument went on for like 2 to 3 months and whenever I tried to stop seeing her again, she would stay at the void deck where I am staying till late night or till I meet up with her.

 

I relent to the way she want and we started going to motel again for the next 2 months or so. Then came one day that I know I have to stop this and I told her straight in her face, knowing that I am in love with her now, that I want to end this once and for all...its either her husband or me. She decided to go for the divorce and I told her that I will always be there as long as she decide to step out. She did.

 

We started a real relationship then but not to the extent that her parents know about me nor her friends. On my side, my parents know about her and I even brought her home to meet them. I did what I had promised her.

 

We were happy with each other to have come this far and although we still have tiffs on and off...we know deep in, its due to both parties being to anxious about each other thinking and hence causes some tension to our bitter sweet relationship.

 

Then came one day, when I said hay dear, are you going to work OT today and she said yes, so I told her okie then, if you are tired then lets not meet up(am not working at the company now). She said ok not to meet up. Was around 6 when I felt like meeting her, so I msn her and say are you busy? can we meet up after your work? Her reply was" you already said that we are not meeting, why the sudden change?" I told her I just felt like seeing her...I believe meeting or not to meet during a relationship is very impromt to and I just don't know why her sudden change of attitute. So being the MCP type of guy, I said I will go pick you up, even when she claimed that she wouldn't take my vehicle.

 

After some tiff again, she took my vehicle and I send her home without even having dinner...then the worst came. She just turned to someone so cold that I dun know anymore...I wanted to work things out and being the anxious type, I said lets talk...but she said we shall talk tomorrow as she is really tired...but I never give in as I felt that something is really going to be wrong. So we actually had a bit of schuffling...and she said thats it she wanted out...but I say no...my emotion got me and I even threatened her to end my life if she decides to leave...this frightened her and she cried...while she was crying, I said since you want to go home, FINE, I will let your parents know what exactly happened...and what causes her failed marriage. She ran off from the direction towards her home, I gave chase and tried to drag her home...that was the last time I seen her.

 

I tried means and ways to talk to her and let her know how sorry I am for behaving that way...and even explained that she is also a part of it...so don't blame me for my behaviour but she just don't listen...I know I love her very much...so I took some time out to sort things and thought things out...and finally we made a pack not to contact each other for the next two weeks. She agreed.

 

Day three after we made the pack, I can't hold on to what we promised each other and contacted her...as the pain I am feeling is way too much for me to bare... she then say to me...

 

Anthea: don't waste your time. I never been this firm on my desicion, I no longer want anything to do with you...what you did that night really have hurt me and my love for you is dead....

Terence: Please don't do that, I never been this serious about relationship and what I did that night was partly due to the fact that she was the catalyst...lets not talk about it anymore...give me time to show you what I want to change for us...just let me accompany you to the hospital visit in two weeks time...meanwhile just cool things off and I will not contact you till the time is near...

Anthea: ok...but I wouldn't promise that anything will change and after the hospital visit, I will go home and don't ask me for coffee or lunch or what so ever.

Terence: ok...

 

That was the last conversation I had with her...so do you guys think I still stand a chance in getting her back? I really can't live without her...and during this two weeks of not contacting each other simplys tell me I really want to be with her... another point that came to light is " if ever someone did love you, will he or she let you be in pain?"

 

I dare not think too much of whats going to happen, but I really wish for a second chance....

 

Please give me your best solution and opinion be it good or bad...I really hope to see some replies...Thanks.

 

[GB111]

Sorry, but this is going nowhere. She is a married woman, and really, you shouldn't have gotten in that situation in the first place. What if it was YOUR wife?

 

In any case, she has to sort out her feelings and there is NOTHING you can do to help her do that other than drive her further away. NC is the only solution.

[chocolate_boy]

You don't NEED anyone, start by learing how to deal with your own insecurities.

[Guest]

Thanks to all that had made the effort to reply what I had posted.

 

Well i guess it's not learning about my insecurities...I just found out from a friend who is working there that she is indeed seeing someone...

 

My friend informed me that just a couple of weeks back she saw her using yahoo chat and in the chat session, she said something like she missed the guy...so in short after thinking it through, she simply choose to escape from the problem then to face it...what a relief to hear that from my friend...I guess its all not worth it at all after putting in the love and effort...

[Guest]

Sorry, but this is going nowhere. She is a married woman, and really, you shouldn't have gotten in that situation in the first place. What if it was YOUR wife?

 

In any case, she has to sort out her feelings and there is NOTHING you can do to help her do that other than drive her further away. NC is the only solution.

 

Well I must admit that I did want to move on since she's a married women...after we had a talk about it after our first sexual contact, what she did was became really low morale and would very often broke into tears as she didn't know what to do...I went soft to being firm on my decision after she kept saying things like; will you still go out with me? will you still talk to me?

 

She even go to the extent of staying till late hours at my void deck where I am putting up...and there's a couple of times I told her that such relationship wouldn't work...but she just did nothing and kept crying...killing off the firm decision I had made...I was blind with the way she reacted...

 

By the way, whats's NC??

[CaliGuy]

You don't NEED anyone, start by learing how to deal with your own insecurities.

 

That's the word I picked up on.

 

"Need"

 

Anytime you need someone you are sure to fail in a relationship with them. You must really be able to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy.

 

You should go from need to want.

 

Wanting someone is much different than needing.

 

Want says I can do without. Need does not.

[Terence77]

Yes, I want her back is what I meant...not need in the first place...but that doesn't matter anymore as I just found out the truth that she indeed is seeing someone now.

 

The real problem came to light as I share it with someone that is currently close to her and from her I knew about whats going on...being the analytical type, my only answer is she can't face her own problems and thus leading to all these failed relationships.

 

As to GB111 post, I did had a firm decision on not going on with the relationship with her after we had our first sexual contact...but seeing her breaking down for two weeks in the office just made me went soft on my decision.

 

She will start asking me "will you still go out with me? will you still talk to me?" and the fact that she even stayed at the void deck where I live during those two weeks and eventually only go home at midnight...given you were in my shoes, how will you react?

 

She took my kindness as my weakness and stirred up the emotion part of me to take her in...I was her float to her problem which she can't deal with her husband then...she is just too confused with sloving issues and facing problems...

 

To me, she choose the easy way out then to work for a solution, I am glad that its all over...

 

By the way, what does NC means?

[chocolate_boy]

By the way, what does NC means?

 

Not Contact her.

[Terence77]

Well, last thing I want to say is that, this girl who I loved before, told me that she had some feelings for me after our first sexual contact...and only then she decide to leave her husband...

 

So to those out there, what do you think?

 

Was it solely because I was there at the wrong place at the wrong time? Or is she really the type of person who choose the easier way out?

 

LOL, I just felt like the biggest fool when everything came to light...but am glad that its all over...never felt this relief...thanks for all who shared.

 

Good luck to the one who she is seeing now...hehe