EyeAlone Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 I don't quite know how to handle this. How do you deal with an ex that still wants to be friends even after you break up? That ruins the whole NC thing. He always wants to talk when our paths cross. Should I continue blowing him off? Link to post Share on other sites
GB111 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Blow him off. You're setting yourself up for a painful, drawn out breakup that will only leave you heartbroken. Let him know you're fine without him. Link to post Share on other sites
littlelaxer Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 YES blow him OFF!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried this many times with the same ex and here i am a year and a half stuck. I tried to be nice. But what happens is he thinks GREAT i can keep her as a friend becuase this way i can keep her lovin me and caring about me. And keep her on the side till i may want something. But dont. it will just drag it along. U need to just vanish. For a LONG time. It will work out best in the end if u just keep ur distance. there is no reason to be friends. Cause u have to think can u really go some place with him and watch him talk to other girls?? NO! and it just doesnt work. so just dont tlak to him. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 I tried to be nice. But what happens is he thinks GREAT i can keep her as a friend becuase this way i can keep her lovin me and caring about me. And keep her on the side till i may want something. But dont. it will just drag it along. I don't think the problem was so much what *he* was thinking that drug it on, but what you were thinking. If a person has it in their head that they might get back together, being friends is only going to cause heart ache. If they accept that this person doesn't want to be with them and they're not going to take them back even if they crawled through broken glass for them, then there's nothing to prolong. Often this requires a bit of distance initially. EyeAlone, if he's someone you want in your life as a friend, let him know that you're open to being friends once everything has blown over. If you don't want anything more to do with him, just forget about him. If you run into him, be polite but excuse yourself if he tries to chat you up. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 well in my particular case....i have an ex bf that likes to tell me he loves me and everything else that goes with it. I tried to be the friends too but its hard when he wont let go to let u talk/date other guys cause hes still in ur life. If i was out somewhere the ex was and he saw me talkin to someone that he knew as well....he would quickly go up to them and tell them im his ex and that he cares about me and all that mumbo jumbo. i guess the single to other guys to stay ayway....ya know? Im just tryin to say its hard to be friends when there is remaining feelings. But hard when u both have feelins but the other wont make up their mind. So its not just myself who carries it on...he is a BIG help. But if u feel like u can have the friendship and no feelings...take time and try it out. But wait till all the feelings are gone. Link to post Share on other sites
littlelaxer Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 well in my particular case....i have an ex bf that likes to tell me he loves me and everything else that goes with it. I tried to be the friends too but its hard when he wont let go to let u talk/date other guys cause hes still in ur life. If i was out somewhere the ex was and he saw me talkin to someone that he knew as well....he would quickly go up to them and tell them im his ex and that he cares about me and all that mumbo jumbo. i guess the single to other guys to stay ayway....ya know? Im just tryin to say its hard to be friends when there is remaining feelings. But hard when u both have feelins but the other wont make up their mind. So its not just myself who carries it on...he is a BIG help. But if u feel like u can have the friendship and no feelings...take time and try it out. But wait till all the feelings are gone. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 well in my particular case....i have an ex bf that likes to tell me he loves me and everything else that goes with it. I tried to be the friends too but its hard when he wont let go to let u talk/date other guys cause hes still in ur life. EyeAlone, if your situation is like littlelaxer's then, yeah, I agree you should just walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 I endured a terrible blow to my r/s for a long time. To the point, I am know aware that my low esteem prevented me to interact w/others. Also cutting myself off to even friendships. I realize that as long as it took me to walk out my door, [which was months!] the other person did not really quite understand my continued r/s with my ex. Since I was left, years ago, and he never really pursued me as I would understand, his support, rallyied my brain to what was what? This of course would send mixed signals to whomever would even question any type of r/s with me. After some time I accepted that this was a reason as to why others would hesitate to get involved. Yet, MY attempts to gradual to longing desire as a woman my ex sent me NO signals and created such upset w/me, I realized he surely must of had 'other' reasons to delay or deny my attempt to reconcile. As time would have it, I chose to endure as best I could, and started to back off with any actions, verbal, or physically to alley my beliefs that I was not only the wife, [if so] and would let it fall as my desires were not only understood, but I was getting know where as it had. Now time has allowed my self esteem to return, naturally, although I am at question as to why and what remains in my marriage. I have met a few and would of persued a r/s far beyond but refrained due to my mixed feelings. FEAR, Wrong? This is not fair to me any further or to a future as I know feel it was not me but my ex waiting to get confirmation of himself or his pursuits in action. Or continued denial to me visa versa? Not a great way to live or seek. VErrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy heartwrenching. !!!!!! However, I am in control somewhat Of what I have not only denied myself and feel short changed as I feel my attempts have been forth right to him and my outlook for our future. They have been met with the same... I am not going to guage him or us any further towards my decisions any further. I either will or I will not. I hope and prey his decisions is solid and founded upon love and happier conquests as he has denied not only me but himself. I AM at lost, I cannot read minds! I will look upon brighter avenues, halls, and skies; forward to and hope I have not hurt a future that I too have desired but happenstance took it away and felt sadness and hurt also. As this was never my intention. Certainly not to my life, us, OR a desired future that awaits. To those that may understand, love, broken love, or desired love, patience is a virtue, speak out, and claim your heart! Even if 'time' appears to wait for no one! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts