is this fair to him?

[mystery]

i am wondering about what the implications may be if i have told my b/f that i do not like his taking his irrability, stress, bad moods, etc, out on me?

 

so far he has obliged, but i am wondering if they may build up and he will eventually explode or if this was fair because maybe he needed me as a vent.

 

i'm not talking about abuse, but that when he is impatient, or intolerant or just plain ole having a bad day and i happen along and say the wrong thing then he gets mad at me.

 

now i have asked/told him to "STOP" and he has, but i'm feeling guilty as i took away his way of venting and he may be thinking that now he has to walk on egg shells for fear of making me feel hurt. is there a winning way to help him without seeming like i took his venting system away?

[Miss Mojo]

hi mystery,

 

people don't need to have someone as an outlet to vent their frustrations. you wonder if telling him to stop taking his frustrations out on you is fair. it is. it's a lot more fair than letting him take his frustrations out on you. try not to feel guilty about telling him to stop venting in this way. you shouldn't have to be his outlet.

 

tell him that you're there for him if ever wants someone to talk to. talking through problems with another person is a much more constructive way of venting than snapping at a person or getting irritable with them.

 

he can have the options of:

 

a) talking his problems over with you if he's comfortable with that. getting things off your chest can lift a huge weight. communication in relationships is vital.

 

b) taking some time out on his own to chill out until he's not feeling so stressed. e.g. working out at the gym, having a hot shower or a bath, going for a walk when he gets home etc.

 

you are right in feeling that it's unreasonable for him to take his frustrations and/or stresses out on you. you'd be walking on eggshells more than you would be by telling him what you won't stand for. you're standing up for yourself in this relationship. there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

 

if he does come to feel that your request was unreasonable, then he's being the unreasonable one.

 

his frustrations hopefully won't build up if he finds a more constructive way of dealing with a "bad day".

 

good luck

[Laurynn]

Break up with him so that he can find a woman who's not such a hypochondrical worrywart who overanalyzes every single move he makes/thing he says....someone who's actually content in the relationship and not always complaining. Someone who's not always looking for trouble. Someone who's not always playing the victim. Then you...you go out and find yourself a nice insecure, passive, easy-to-manipulate little doormat of a man. Then you'll both be happy campers!

 

i am wondering about what the implications may be if i have told my b/f that i do not like his taking his irrability, stress, bad moods, etc, out on me? so far he has obliged, but i am wondering if they may build up and he will eventually explode or if this was fair because maybe he needed me as a vent. i'm not talking about abuse, but that when he is impatient, or intolerant or just plain ole having a bad day and i happen along and say the wrong thing then he gets mad at me. now i have asked/told him to "STOP" and he has, but i'm feeling guilty as i took away his way of venting and he may be thinking that now he has to walk on egg shells for fear of making me feel hurt. is there a winning way to help him without seeming like i took his venting system away?