"Guy" Talk

[Sami43]

Met this guy about three years ago - we have become very good friends. We confide alot in each other (about prior relationships and other daily things). There was one day when things changed and I felt it was becoming a little more intimate. He always seemed to feel the need to impress me - talking about girls that he liked, etc, and sort showing off about things. When I am feeling down, he writes me long emails about life and things, trying to enlighten me etc., which I found sweet and very caring. Long story short -- I don't want to make a fool of myself and assume that he has feelings for me, which is why I never brought it up. But do most guys write intimate things like that to women that they aren't interested in? I almost feel like saying "what is it we're doing here?". The fact that he talks about other girls and all makes me think its just a friendship. Any advice from the guys?

[Mary3]

Sounds like he sees you as a *friend* .

[johan]

I almost feel like saying "what is it we're doing here?".

 

I think that's a valid question.

 

Some guys are chatty that way, so I wouldn't read much into what he's telling you. I think the amount of attention and the closeness is more significant. Also the amount of time spent writing stuff to you. There are two possibilities (i.e. two reasons why he's close to you):

1) He digs you.

2) He doesn't dig you, and he is using you as a girlfriend stand-in. A confidence booster.

 

Either one is likely. You should make sure you know why you are friends with him before you bring up the deeper stuff. Just because you're drifting closer doesn't mean you have enough interest to cross the line.

[Curmudgeon]

And that's not a bad thing. I had a friend I could talk with and whom I respected and admired and she felt the same about me. We sometimes spoke of personal things and asked one another's advice. There was nothing romantic about it. We were simply friends and colleagues. That was our only relationship for five years.

 

I suppose I should also point out that we've now been married for 10!

[Rosalind]

...he wants to be more than just friends.

[ddnnee]

no he doesn't, or does he. I know there are a number of guys out there that are just talkative. I think of them as alpha males because they end to horde all the girls in an area.

 

some guys are sneaky and like to keep a girl as backup girlfriend and i think you maybe in that position. i met a few guys like that already.

 

or he sees you as a friend that is like a guy friend.. someone who he can talk to about whatever.

 

if you want to know, just ask him.

[Guest]

He probably likes you. Unless he is very nice guy that types long emails to his female friends. If he was the one who started the friendship then I'd say he likes you.

[aleatoryd]

^^^^ I wouldn't say it's always sneaky. It's like a subconcious thing we guys do. You know - I like this girl, that girl, any girl LOL! Sometimes it's just very easy to maintain a few extra friends who you can talk about problems and things - often they are outside your immediate group of friends. They tend to be people you can get stuff off your chest to and yeah you care about them but it's just the seed to greater feelings like love. The right watering and tending and it may grow.

 

I'd say I have 5-6 girls who I e-mail, go to coffee/dinner, phone, text, give birthday presents to etc. I only like 1 woman at the moment but if things went differently or changed dramatically then maybe I'd see them differently. They are not "backups" per se but I suppose to some people if feelings develop and circumstances change they could end up appearing that way. After all no amount of attention to a girl from a guy isn't without some emotions we aren't made of stone. We find a girl who's cute, we flirt with, connect with, attraction - circumstances aren't right but we keep in touch. It's the same old story.

 

With guys the feelings are always waiting to come out given the right circumstances.

With girls us guys end up in the friend zone and we get treated like we are girl friends!

[Guest]

>>>After all no amount of attention to a girl from a guy isn't without some emotions we aren't made of stone. We find a girl who's cute, we flirt with, connect with, attraction - circumstances aren't right but we keep in touch.<<<

 

I like this -- that makes alot of sense. Tell me, what defines an "intimate" relationship between people who are just friends (with no sex involved). What types of things are the things that cross the line?? Just curious.