I hate my brother's wife

[cutiepie_Muffet]

I am my mother's only daughter out of 5 kids. She had a horrible marriage and i was always there to comfort her until she finally got the guts to leave the bastard. Together we bought a home together - 50/50..well I do make more money and paid most of the bills. It was always just she and I, against the world...because my brothers did not give a s*** while we were struggling to survive after the divorce. So from nothing we made a home together...a home I was hoping to one day raise a family in so i poured tons of money into the place.

Then one day my brother married a filipino girl. In the begining I was nice to her and welcomed her into our family. Theyhad a baby, a son too. Then they had to move in with us to save for a home of their own. That is when i learned just how nasty and untidy she was. I am a very tidy person and this girl never respected that..she took baths and left her dirty water in the tub along with my loofa and my shampoo and even the little plant i had on the tub floating in the water. She said the baby pulled them into the tub but she is the PARENT...it is her reponsibility to clean up after him.

My mother never stood by me when i would explain to this woman that she needed to clean up behind herself. Instead she marked me as a trouble maker. She started allowing my brother's wife to get away with things that she would usually scream at me for. And just to be spiteful his wife started sucking up to my mother; always in her bedroom, following her everywhere, using the baby to kiss up to her. And in the mean time (when my mother was not home) she was doing lots of wicked things to irritate me. So I confronted my mother about it, crying one night and i told her that i did not want this woman in our home...my mother dismissed me. She regarded my feelings as foolishness.

Now i am here pondering moving away....my mother broke my heart, i am not content in this house- my home that i spent cash on and I know when my brother finishes his house and they move out she will be a constant visitor.

I have stopped paying so many bills.I told my mother that i refuse to pour more money ito this place because i am not happy here. And the way i see it, although we went 50/50 on the house it will always be thought of as hers because she is the parent and i am her child. And i know she thinks this way because she has said to me before that when she dies the house will be left to me. HOW CAN IT BE LEFT TO ME IF WE WENT 50/50 on it???

I am really sick of this situation and i am entertaining thoughts of moving away and forgetting everything...but then on the other hand would that be handing the victory over to my brother's wife? I am sure she would just love it if i moved out of the pic. My mother does not seem to care either way. What should i do?

[suegail]

Maybe you're overreacting....do you think that is possible? I'm not stating that as a fact, because I have never met this girl, I don't know what has actually caused you to feel such intense dislike for her. I know though from experience it is hard to live with other people if they have habits that drive you nuts...it's really hard, but it shouldn't cause hatred. I'm just saying your anger, your reaction to this situation seems to be unusually extreme. You really seem to feel threatened.

 

Your mom likes the girl and she loves her son and grandchild. She seems to want to make the best of things and wants to overlook the problems you see. I know her disregard of your feelings, or seeming disregard, hurts your feelings, but I hope you can see things also from her point of view.

 

This is only a temporary situation from the sounds of it. Your brother and his wife will hopefully soon find other arrangements for a place to live. I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time and believe me i'm not trying to make light of how you feel. I know it's hard.

 

Take Care...

[michelangelo]

If you just gave your mom money or loaned her money to get the house, then you are screwed.

 

If you are 50/50 on the title then you own half the house.

 

In either case, your mom can will whatever percentage of the house she owns to whomever she wants to.

 

as far as the way of things between you and your brother's wife goes, it is up to you to welcome her graciously into your home.

 

Referring to her as a filipino that is unclean seems to point to you not liking that she is filipino.

 

Was that tub incident a one-time thing? and is there a child that could have done that?

 

Even if you have issues with he being filipino you don't have to live where you don't want to live.

 

Anyone can be a bad housekeeper. I suck at it. But I'm not filipino.

 

If I were you I would check on my claim to half the house.

[blind_otter]

If you just gave your mom money or loaned her money to get the house, then you are screwed.

 

If you are 50/50 on the title then you own half the house.

 

In either case, your mom can will whatever percentage of the house she owns to whomever she wants to.

 

as far as the way of things between you and your brother's wife goes, it is up to you to welcome her graciously into your home.

 

Referring to her as a filipino that is unclean seems to point to you not liking that she is filipino.

 

Was that tub incident a one-time thing? and is there a child that could have done that?

 

Even if you have issues with he being filipino you don't have to live where you don't want to live.

 

Anyone can be a bad housekeeper. I suck at it. But I'm not filipino.

 

If I were you I would check on my claim to half the house.

 

Good post, I agree.

[penkitten]

i think no one ever took the time out to properly teach this chick how to clean up after herself to "good housekeeping " standards.

is there any nice way to get her more involved in learning how to do her share?

like buy a really nice pint of ben and jerrys and have a cleaning contest and offer it up as the prize. like can you wash the dishes faster than i can mop the floor or whatever.

 

my sil was very dirty when they lived with us and it hurt my feelings that i had to do her share. i tried and tried to get her involved and teach her, and there i would be explaining how to mop the wooden floor correctly and she would go watch tv. we would be cooking and i would ask her to hand me something and she would be gone, but first in line for dinner. now they havent lived with us in years and years, and that helps. i also had to learn that she will never live her life exactly like me , and she wont clean her house like me either.

 

take it from me, sister of 3 brothers , you will never like them all.

[Walk]

I get a strong sense that you're more upset that this other woman has stepped into the role you used to hold. You're no longer the only daughter, and worse yet, this new woman has a baby that your mother is giving a lot of attention to. Which could make you feel very excluded, passed by, ignored, and not as important.

 

Your brother and his wife will move out, hopefully for you it'll be soon. So this isn't an indefinite situation. But your problem is going to continue because you are no longer the "shining apple" of your mothers eye. The woman with the child is. That's the problem you need to address within yourself. But right now you seem to be assigning ulterior motives to her habits. Like "sucking up" and brown nosing, etc... You need to find comfort in sharing your mothers attention with the grandkids.

 

I know how you're feeling, to a degree. Once my brothers wife had kids I was knocked so far out of the family loop it was as if I didn't exist anymore. All about his wife, their kids... we planned every holiday around them, every family get together, my parents even re-did their will so that my brothers kids basically got everything. Which is fine.. it's their stuff.. but made me feel like I'd been replaced and discarded. If something didn't fit into my schedule then I was excluded from joining in, but if it didn't work for my brothers wife, then they'd do anything to change it so it worked. It seemed unfair and cruel to me.

 

But I really learned something important from all this. Those children incredibly important to my parents. And if I honor my parents, then I will respect what is important in their lives.

 

I also had to speak to my parents as an Adult. Not as an adult child, but as an equal. Not only did I have to treat them as my equal, but prove I was their equal. I had to stop acting the way I had before. I had to grow up. No crying fits, or jealously fits. I had to relate to them as I would any other adult I respected. Over time I earned the respect of a trusted adult from them, and was treated as an equal, not as their child.

 

It doesnt' sound to me as if you spoke to your mother to resolve an issue, but to complain about it. To force an ultimatum. You want your brother and wife out, and for you to be replaced to your seat of honor. If you had spoken as an equal you may have realized the importance of this to your mother, could have opened a dialogue on the problems, and come to a comprimise with your mother. Maybe a time frame for your brother and wife to have their house finished? Or possible dividing the chores up more evenly? Or even to establish a "safe" zone for you to go to when you feel like you need more space, or time away from your brothers wife. There were other alternatives available to you, yet you chose to go with the most extreme measure, the one that your mother was most opposed to.. and which also denied her one thing that was important to her.

 

It's not easy adjusting to a situation like this, but instead of allowing your feelings of insecurity to overwhelm and cloud your judgement, understand that this situation is not forever. It's temporary. Even the great importance of the child will lessen in time. There will be more time for you later, but right now, this moment in time, you need to be respectful of your mothers wishes, respect yourself enough to see all sides of the situation, and come up with solutions that will work best for the situation, and not just act out of spite.

[aleatoryd]

^^^^ good advice Walk! Sorry your signature is making me laugh

 

To cutiepie_Muffet aren't you the same person who posted about your boyfriend staring at other women? I hate to say it but possibly you need to look at life through another angle. Walk is quite perceptive in her comments so please listen to her. Is it not entirely possible that you resent this girl because she has taken your place. You didn't have any sisters and I can understand life was hard. You probably didn't have a father figure in your life so you had to rise up and be an adult. How old were you then? It can be hard losing your youth and free time to give and serve others.

 

You should be respected for what you've done and gone through. You had to mature. Except somewhere a seed of resentment grew. As I said you didn't have any sisters and this made you a strong and independent women with no understanding that sisters can be very frustrating. I'm a guy and I have 2 sisters. Sisters argue and compete with each other. They seek attention and to out do each other but they are after all sisters. They still love each other despite the arguments and jealousy.

 

You list what you've done and you have done such a lot for your mother and now yiu feel like it's flung back in your face... but understand giving and caring is about being a cheerful giver giving even when you are not happy. Love is patient and kind. It is not about control or with holding money and affection just because you feel slighted. That isn't making an effort it is just petty and sets the seed for future resentment to grow.

 

Your dream of having a home to raise a family hasn't gone. Your home may feel invaded but it is still yours. It sounds like to you this is about property and money. It is about ownership and authority. I note that you say one day your brother married a filipino girl and they had a baby a son Well your writing style sounds hostile. You highlight the fact she is filipino - is this resentment, racism or irrelevant? Why mention this fact. Also this baby son is surely your nephew. Don't you call him that. Is he just their baby? Do you consider them a part of your "family". It sounds to me that you have put up mental barriers against them.

 

You shouldn't be expected to like your sister in law but if they are under your roof you should be hospitable. Sure not everyone is like you. Not everyone is tidy. Some people's ways seem "untidy" but while these things are annoying are they intolerable. Because if they are you need to seriously think what you are going to be with your own family because babies are messy, smelly, noisy and raising kids can be very hard and make you sometimes make mistakes or irrirtable. I really think you need more understanding.

 

Also regarding the baby pulling the plants into the tub "but she is the PARENT...it is her reponsibility to clean up after him." In an ideal world that would be the case... but show us evidence of an ideal world. I think your childhood has affected your concept of a parent. I feel sorry that through no fault of your own life has been difficult. Somewhere however you have become unrealistic. Maybe the fact you had to do so much for ungrateful brothers meant you took a dominant role and became used to being the one who put things in order.

 

I strongly advise you to make an effort to care for your sister in law and nephew. Consider that being under your roof might seem difficukt to her. Realise that she probably doesn't want to be there and is having a hard time as well. Maybe there's a cultural difference. See why your mother has gotten close to her. This woman is like another daughter. She is not replacing you. Far from it she needs your help. In years to come how you treat your sister in law and nephew will have an important bearing in how close you are to them. You may regret it if you stay on bad terms. It takes very little kindness to keep things civil but it's near impossible to break down years of resentment. Best to avoid it now.

 

What you view as spite isn't probably intended against you. Why does there have to a motivation behind being nice? I know this sounds against you so enlighten us as to what mean things she has done to you? Has she been aggressive to you or spiteful or malicious? All we can see in what you have written is that you are very unhappy about this situation but don't seem to have any love for these people who have "invaded" your house.

 

"So I confronted my mother about it, crying one night and i told her that i did not want this woman in our home...my mother dismissed me. She regarded my feelings as foolishness."

 

What would you do kick a mother onto the streets? I realise she's upset you but have you thought about what you are saying? Do you think your mother would kick someone out? Is that how you think situations are resolved? If you argue with your b/f and then he's kicked out? If you argue with your boss? If you have a baby of your own and he irritates you what do you do put the baby on the streets. Please re-read your post as though you were someone else and highlight the unreasonable, childish and money/selfish things. Don't run away from your problems because if you do that you will alway be a quitter and never happy.

 

I know this post sounds harsh but overall I have admiration for how you've coped with struggles. I just wonder if somewhere along the line you lost some caring and empathy. Look at things through neutral ideas and find solutions not problems. I wish you a happier future.

[HanginLow]

C-Muffet:

I know your position very well, we happen to be living a similar situation with my older sister - my mom bought her a nice house, paid half in cash and held a mortgage. The deed is 1/2 interest with a JTWROS in event of death. So, my sis never made a mtg payment, my mom did and the house was paid off last year. In south Fl the market sky-rocked and now my sis feels she wants to cash out - thats when I stepped in!!! You see my sis has all her buddies living there, they are all druggies and drunks. It is killing my mom, shes can't do anything about it. We have all tried to intervene and help her, but to no avail. Anyway, to have someone living in the house i.e.,Your Brothers Wife (YBW).. try this: Plan, Plan, Plan - save some cash, go in and pland to overhaul the interior, paint the ceilings, paint the bedrooms, do anything that displaces YBW. Encourage her to leave to a motel if she doesn't- or better yet, move out - entirely. Get your mom involved, involve her in the remod and upgrades, make YBW as uncomfortable as possible. It's a long shot but it worked for me, they all hated being "upset" and eventually found somewhere else to flop. Maybe not your case, but the "remodeling" will sure make her further irritated and do wonders to your state of mind, and house. Good luck, HL

[Walk]

Also wanted to add..

 

I really disliked my sister-in-law, and my parents treated me like the wicked step child after my brother had his first child. Everything was about her and the kids.. over and over and over... Drove me nuts. Every time I'd start to speak, she would cut me off to tell my parents what she was doing, or what the kids did that day.. I couldn't get a word in without being "one upped" by her. I was trying to help my parents out financially, and they'd turn around and give all the money to my brothers family. And the more I fought them on this, the more it drove a wedge between us.

 

Luckily my bf employed some tough love and showed me how jealous, insecure and bitter I was being about it. A huge reason my sister-in-law sucked up to my mom so much was because she was so insecure. She wanted to be accepted by my family so desperately, she was threatened by me, by how close my family was, and she tried so incredibly hard to get my parents to like and accept her. All I saw was someone kissing up and brown noseing. But she wanted to be accepted, loved, and a part of our family. And all the while, I was making her feel less and less accepted.

 

Once I saw I was able to take a step back and see that she wasn't out to get me, or make my life hell.. she was thrown into a situation that she felt isolated, lonely, and scared of being rejected. And your sister-in-law has a lot more to lose then mine did, since she's living in a strangers house. Talk to her about how she feels. Show her you do care about her, even if you have to fake it at first. But as a human being, she deserves to be heard. I was amazed when I really listened to my sister-in-law speak about how insecure and jealous she was of my relationship to my family, how scared she was, and how she just wanted to be accepted.

 

Last thought.. your mother was wrong for not listening to how you felt about the situation, but she's caught in a no win. It'd be better for you to vent some where else, and then attempt to talk to your mother when you're on a more even keel. I know you don't want to hear the things I've posted, and you're probably steaming mad that I am making this seem as though it's your "fault" again. It's not your fault, and you've been patient and understanding... but your caught in a mind set that is making your life miserable. And I hate to see people so unhappy. It took me a long time to realize how childish I was being with my sister in law. And I wasted many years in feeling this way. You have the opportunity to build a better and stronger relationship with your mother, and your sister in law.. One that will create happy memories and feelings. And hopefully will make you happier in the long run.

[parentdetective]

Family is the hardest to deal with. You want to be happy and yet try to keep everyone happy. I must have missed it, but is your name on the mortgage?

 

T

[Guest]

If you just gave your mom money or loaned her money to get the house, then you are screwed.

 

If you are 50/50 on the title then you own half the house.

 

In either case, your mom can will whatever percentage of the house she owns to whomever she wants to.

 

as far as the way of things between you and your brother's wife goes, it is up to you to welcome her graciously into your home.

 

Referring to her as a filipino that is unclean seems to point to you not liking that she is filipino.

 

Was that tub incident a one-time thing? and is there a child that could have done that?

 

Even if you have issues with he being filipino you don't have to live where you don't want to live.

 

Anyone can be a bad housekeeper. I suck at it. But I'm not filipino.

 

If I were you I would check on my claim to half the house.

 

 

My name is on the title and I pay most of the bills. I also poured tons of money into it for repairs. I really feel like I am being suckered.

[cutiepie_Muffet]

If you just gave your mom money or loaned her money to get the house, then you are screwed.

 

If you are 50/50 on the title then you own half the house.

 

In either case, your mom can will whatever percentage of the house she owns to whomever she wants to.

 

as far as the way of things between you and your brother's wife goes, it is up to you to welcome her graciously into your home.

 

Referring to her as a filipino that is unclean seems to point to you not liking that she is filipino.

 

Was that tub incident a one-time thing? and is there a child that could have done that?

 

Even if you have issues with he being filipino you don't have to live where you don't want to live.

 

Anyone can be a bad housekeeper. I suck at it. But I'm not filipino.

 

If I were you I would check on my claim to half the house.

 

 

My name is on the title and i pay most of the bills. I also poured tons of money into the place for restoration.

[HokeyReligions]

If the situation is so unbearable, approach your mother with the idea that you would like to offer your 'share' of the house to your brother and let him buy you out. Include not only the mortgage, but an amount to cover the cost of the improvements you have made. If she's agreeable, then approach your brother. Maybe they will buy you out and you can have your own place to do what you want with and then maybe you can get back on a solid footing with your mother.

 

If nothing else, maybe that will wake your mom up to how much this is hurting you.

[cutiepie_Muffet]

Also wanted to add..

 

I really disliked my sister-in-law, and my parents treated me like the wicked step child after my brother had his first child. Everything was about her and the kids.. over and over and over... Drove me nuts. Every time I'd start to speak, she would cut me off to tell my parents what she was doing, or what the kids did that day.. I couldn't get a word in without being "one upped" by her. I was trying to help my parents out financially, and they'd turn around and give all the money to my brothers family. And the more I fought them on this, the more it drove a wedge between us.

 

Luckily my bf employed some tough love and showed me how jealous, insecure and bitter I was being about it. A huge reason my sister-in-law sucked up to my mom so much was because she was so insecure. She wanted to be accepted by my family so desperately, she was threatened by me, by how close my family was, and she tried so incredibly hard to get my parents to like and accept her. All I saw was someone kissing up and brown noseing. But she wanted to be accepted, loved, and a part of our family. And all the while, I was making her feel less and less accepted.

 

Once I saw I was able to take a step back and see that she wasn't out to get me, or make my life hell.. she was thrown into a situation that she felt isolated, lonely, and scared of being rejected. And your sister-in-law has a lot more to lose then mine did, since she's living in a strangers house. Talk to her about how she feels. Show her you do care about her, even if you have to fake it at first. But as a human being, she deserves to be heard. I was amazed when I really listened to my sister-in-law speak about how insecure and jealous she was of my relationship to my family, how scared she was, and how she just wanted to be accepted.

 

Last thought.. your mother was wrong for not listening to how you felt about the situation, but she's caught in a no win. It'd be better for you to vent some where else, and then attempt to talk to your mother when you're on a more even keel. I know you don't want to hear the things I've posted, and you're probably steaming mad that I am making this seem as though it's your "fault" again. It's not your fault, and you've been patient and understanding... but your caught in a mind set that is making your life miserable. And I hate to see people so unhappy. It took me a long time to realize how childish I was being with my sister in law. And I wasted many years in feeling this way. You have the opportunity to build a better and stronger relationship with your mother, and your sister in law.. One that will create happy memories and feelings. And hopefully will make you happier in the long run.

 

I think about all that u have said and I do believe that there is much truth in your words. Perhaps I am jealous. but U see, all my life my mother was all I had..and I was all she had. When we would return home from school and find her on the floor crying because my father had beaten her, my brothers would go play video games and i would be the one comforting her.

I gave my all i had selflessly just to assure she was happy...and now, when I am in need of some guidence and an emotional crutch, some reassurance...she is not there for me. That makes me feel so alone. I lived my entire youth in an asylum (living with my father) and I never knew what it was like to be content; to have a home to be free in, to relax and to feel at peace in. When we moved I worked hard to make this place for myself and before I had time to enjoy it here comes this untidy, spiteful....individual. Things weren't alays bad between my bother's wife and myself. When she first arrived, I welcomed her. I was happy for my brother and when she made messes I would ask her nicely to clean up after herself. But It seemed she did not like being instructed. So, she started doing wicked and spiteful things. And when i say wicked and spiteful I mean:

1. Throwing away toys i bought for the kid in my line of vision

2. Making some of her native dishes and offering everyone but me

3. Telling the kid not to go near me

4. leaving my clean laundry outside on some old rusty gas tank

5. taking a s*** in the toilet and leaving it there for me to find it...i know this was deliberate because it always happened after i asked her to clean up after herself.

6. I love expensive antiques and i have this antique rug in the living room and i found her one day sitting and watching the kid scorch all over it with a yellow jumbo chalk

 

See, things like this just pisses me off. And in my own Home! Where I am paying most of the bills; a task i took upon myself to give my mother some peace of mind. can u imagine having a home and being uncomfortable in it; having a GUEST do such spiteful and wicked things to u?!!

Anyway, there will be no relationship between us. Last saturday my limit broke. After 2 years of putting up with her s*** and being 'tolerant' because my mother asked me too, I could not take it anymore and i smacked the s*** out of her.

My mother was stunned and she told me that i did that because i was keeping too much anger pent up inside me. I reminded her that i had tried to talk to her about my feelings but she ignored me. So i had no choice but to keep it pent up!

I am just emotionally drained.

[michelangelo]

You have a huge problem and it is not your sister in law.

 

Please find counselling before you harm her again or yourself.

 

Do you want to be arrested for assault and battery or worse?

 

Please get help, professional help. You need it.

[YellowLioness]

You know...I understand being frustrated, and I've watched this thread for quite some time before decided exactly how I should reply. Obviously, this situation is bad for you.

 

I have been in a similar situation, and have had similar feelings. I had to remove myself from the situation to give me some emotional room to breathe, before I tried to tackle the problem.

 

Obviously, smacking anyone is wrong. As an above poster said, it's assault and battery, and could mean a 30 day jail sentence for you. Regardless of how disrespectful this woman is, and how high the launguage barrier is, it is wrong to engage in physical violence to solve problems.

 

I hope you did not hit her in front of the children.

 

With that being said, use the money you are not spending on bills, and go to a hotel for a few days. Pack some clothes and toiletries, and give yourself room to assess the situation. You may also want to enroll yourself in therapy. It is obvious you have deep seated issues that are being brought out by this situation.

 

I believe that in order for you to handle any ammount of chaos correctly, you have to learn how to deal with the chaos with in yourself.

 

Obviously, every one but you is fine with this situation. Your mother is trying to make the best of a bad situation, and this is why she is not taking sides. You are making things very difficult for her and your brother. I am not saying that his wife is blameless, but you also have to understand she is from a different culture.

 

Also, children are messy. They play, they break things, they laugh at what they do- they don't know any better. In order to show children how to behave as adults, you must set an example for them. You, your mother, your brother, and his wife are all included in the "role model" statement.

 

If you cannot handle the situation, I suggest you set down an ultimatum. It will tear your family apart, but you will still have your hard earned home. Tell them that they must leave your home or buy you out. Obviously, your personal things mean more to you then family. This is not my attempt in being inflammatory, I'm only going on what you yourself have said.

 

Make sure you give them a fair ammount of time (at least a few months) and if they have not left or made an offer, have a policeman escort them out of your house along with their belongings.

 

LIkely, your mother will write you out of the will, but that doesn't matter because the house is yours any way.

 

Hope this helps.

[RecordProducer]

I will ignore my personal feelings on how important it is that your house is 100% neat all the time and how bad this woman is or how intolerant you might be in this case. I also like a neat house but the time it requires to keep it that way is too precious for me to spend it on cleaning and with two 7-year olds in the house, it just has to be messy sometimes.

 

I will try to put myself in both your position and that of your sister-in-law. If I had unwanted "guests" living in my house, I would expect from them to act by my rules and the rules of my mother. Your problem is that you share the house 50/50 and you and your mother's opinions mismatch. So I can see how you can get upset, but I don't know if this person is really so dirty and evil or you're just exaggerating because you like to have peace and be alone against the whole world.

 

If I were her, I would definitely respect the rules of the house owner and wouldn't feel comfortable like I am in my own house.

 

Your mom should respect your wishes about whom she lets move in. But the fact that your mom is in good terms with this woman just tells me that you might be the black sheep in the family and that lady might be not so bad after all.

 

But back to the point... I can see how your mom might be spineless a bit. She had a husband that beat her for many years and she still has a soft heart. She is not the helper type; she is the weak kind of person.

 

You however hold a lot of anger inside you. After the traumatic experiences, you are full of rage. You do need peace. It's not your fault that you have to live with yourself after all that happened to you. Some people are just more social than others. You deserve to have comfort in your own house.

 

Smacking her might wake your brother up and make him leave the house, but if you want to make their lives miserable, your own life will become very miserable too as that will be the only thing you will think about 24/7. You will be full of negativity and hate. You don't need that.

 

I think the situation is mellow for a wise conversation that should bring some results. If I were you, I would talk to my mom about how unhappy I am with this woman living there. I would suggest that your brother moves out with his family. The fact that they want to save money for a house is not your problem. You cannot solve your problems on other people's backs! Tomorrow they will move in again because they will rent out the new house and save up for their kids' college or retirement. You helped your mom, now it's time for her to support you in your decision. Your mom is probably likely to do what you tell her if you are determined about your decision and make it sound like "It will be my way or no way!" As you see, she is nice with her, but she also justified YOUR deed when you smacked the lady. Your mom finds it difficult to be firm and say "no" so you should use that in your favor.

 

If she disagrees with you, you can tell her that you will simply sell the house, pay her 50% of it, and buy a new house for yourself. In that way, you won't have to tolerate your brother's family in your own house anymore.

[Kaos]

I fell upon your message only because I have the same issue (thankfully we were renting at the time) and its still a problems years down the road.

 

With the support of my fiancee and my friends, I had to let them go. I kicked them out of my townhome, and didn't speak to them for years. The drama was horrible and I was bad mouthed and cryed so hard I thought my heart actually broke.... I will never forget that pain, and it will always be difficult to forgive her for it too... but we stepped away from their drama, made sure we did not get involved AT ALL... and only left the door open for them to walk back in when they were ready ~ not knowing how long it would take.

Eventually my brother came back to me, and appoligized for the issues. His girlfriend is still with him, and still the same, but we smile and nod, and go home to our existing lives ~ at least I can now see the baby.

 

My suggestion? Kick 'em all out! Mom too... buy her out, just let go, and they will all come back if they really care... give them space and show you are a better person by staying calm cool and collected. Just let them all know whos in charge, and clean house. For your own sanity.

Good Luck