Married, but still in love with High School Sweetheart

[Matters of The Heart]

Hello All,

 

Here's my story! I am a married man with children, but I am still in love with my highschool sweetheart.

 

I have been married now for 6 years and have my adorable children with my wife, however for the last 2-3 years I've realized that I am still in love with my highschool sweetheart.

 

My sweetheart and I dated when we were in highschool, but shortly after I graduated we lost contact with each other and never really had closure to what we had. I've always said that she would be the woman that I would marry. We are perfect for each other. Even now when people see us together they say things like, you guys compliment each other very well. We have mutual friends, and often find ourselves meeting up at different functions that our friends are having.

 

Anyway, shortly before I got married to my wife, my highschool sweetheart found out I was getting married. At the time, I will still living with my mother. I found out AFTER I had already gotten married that my highschool sweetheart came to my mothers house to confess her love for me and to see if I really knew what I was doing by marrying the woman who is now my wife.

SAD TO SAY, My mother never told me that my highschool sweetheart came over. HAD I KNOWN, I would have certainly loved to hear from her and to see her.

 

My highschool sweetheart attended my wedding and was going to object to the wedding when that part of the ceremony came up, but said that she didn't because she wasn't sure if I would walk away with her. She didn't want to embarrass herself. On the other hand, I thought that since we had not been in contact with each other that my feelings had drifted away for her. However, I should have know because shortly before I got married, my highschool sweetheart and I bumped into each other at a birthday party for a mutual friends son, and when I saw her, I immediately thought back to what we had and what we could have.

 

Needless to say, I am married now and really have a confused heart. Do I voluntarily just tell my wife that I am in love my my highschool sweetheart or do I just sit and wait and hope she inquires about it.

 

Some would ask how do I know I'm still in love with her. Well here's the answer. I find myself thinking about her day and night, I can't stand the thought of her talking to another man, not to mention being with someone else. I would go to the end of the earth for her and back. I've often times sacrificed my own finances to make sure she was taken care of. I would give her the world if it were in my power to do so. I have such an itch in my heart for her, that only her love for me can scratch. My world brightens when I see her and seem to get a little dim, when she walks away. I love to see her walk, I love her smile. I love her everything.

 

Now before someone jumps on me, I do love my wife. It's just that, I don't know if I could ever love my wife that way I love my highschool sweetheart. My wife is a great person and God knows I don't want to hurt her, but am I being unfair to her by having this secret love for another woman. Am I being unfair by not being able to TOTALLY give her my heart.

 

PLEASE HELP!!!!!

 

Matters of The Heart

[Rob In NC]

This is why I refuse to ever get married.

[aleatoryd]

Sounds like you need to resolve this quickly before it hurts your wife, your marriage and you. If you think you want to be with this sweetheart you need to consider the affect to your wife and children. If you decide to remain with your wife then you have to get closure on this sweetheart thing which may mean telling her you can't see her. I don't really know the answer. I will say that since friendsreunited started a lot of people have come across their old flames. Some left their marriage to relive the past - for most it didn't last because the past was gone and while there were residual feelings there were deep rooted reasons why the original relationships didn't last.

 

It sounds like your situation is different as she never really left and is still in your life. Ask yourself how do you feel about your wife? Is there anything wrong with your marriage? Are you unhappy? If you still can't stay with your wife I think it's only fair to talk to her about it. Sure that'd probably put a strain on your relationship but you owe her the truth. I don't easily advocate divorce because I see marriage as a sacred act of commitment between two people but I'm realistic enough to say if you really aren't happy unless you decide to make an effort on concentrating on your wife then things will only get worse and more people will get hurt.

 

Good luck whatever you decide, and don't be afraid to seek counselling.

 

PS Is your former sweetheart single or would there be further complications?

[glittergurl]

I feel sorry for your wife. And your high school sweetheart lacks class for what she did AFTER you got married, and was planning to do WHILE you were getting married. She should know that married men are a No No, and should have backed off right then.

 

You have children now, you have to be responsable and think carefully before you do or say anything that changes your current situation forever. There's no going back once you do.

 

If you want to save your family from going through years of pain, please try to avoid this girl, and force yourself to get over it. You're not a teenager anymore, you're a married man and a father, and you have responsabilities.

[Curmudgeon]

I agree. I feel sorry for her too. She doesn't know it but she only got half a loaf. I feel sorry for the children as well.

[tikigods]

prehaps you should have thought about all of this before you got married and had kids?

[Guest]

[quote=

 

My highschool sweetheart attended my wedding and was going to object to the wedding when that part of the ceremony came up, but said that she didn't because she wasn't sure if I would walk away with her.

 

 

 

Matters of The Heart

 

 

Thank goodness she didn't go through with that!

 

What a horrible thing to do to your wife-to-be. Can you imagine the memories your wife would have been left with if that had happened? "On what was supposed to be my happiest day, a woman objects to our vows and my husband-to-be walks away from me!"

 

She would have been scarred forever!

 

I'm sorry, but if you two were really meant to be, I think you would have sought each other out long before the two of you were married.

 

Do you wonder why your mother never mentioned her 'love confession' to you?

 

Why no emails, phone calls, letters or post cards prior to the wedding?

 

That sounds strange to me.

 

Marriage is tough and confusing at times. Additionally, the reality of marriage can pale when placed next to the glowing promise of 'what might have been'

 

I think you are caught up in a fantasy of 'the perfect woman' when, in truth, if you'd married your sweetheart 6 years ago a lot of the passion would have faded by now.

Relationships don't coast on passion. They survive because two people decide they are going to work through the 'less loving' times, the 'distance' times, the not-so-fun times, the times when taking care of kids consumes all your time and energy.

 

So you have a choice. Throw away the family you've built (and a woman you profess to love) for a fantasy.

 

Or tell your sweetheart that she's missed the boat, that life always entails choices and you made yours long ago. Wish her luck and move on.

[sumdude]

So the grass looks greener over in that there pasture eh? If you loved your HS sweethart that much you would never have married your wife in the first place. So now you've created some wonderful image of a relationship that doesn't exist.

 

Sorry if I'm harsh but please get over it.

[Guest]

So the grass looks greener over in that there pasture eh? If you loved your HS sweethart that much you would never have married your wife in the first place. So now you've created some wonderful image of a relationship that doesn't exist.

 

Sorry if I'm harsh but please get over it.

I feel very sorry for your wife,I am going through the same thing my husband is still in love with his highschool sweatheart,and it sucks I don't trust anyone because he lies to me about it,his own mother even said he is in love with her and wants to be with her,So I'll tell you the same thing,If you truly love someone(which should be your wife you married her) then seeing an old flame should not matter,no secret calls,no secret meetings,no secret e-mails thats not fair to your wife.If tou can honestly say you don't love her,not because of someone else, it is a little different if you were only dating and not married,but face it you are not in high school anymore and you both have changed,so maybe you need to look at the blessing god gave you,your wife and children and hold them deer.And maybe you need to stay away from this woman who is trying to destroy what you have.