Torn between TWO great Guys

[Gretchen]

everything is totally messed up. i was (and still am) going out with this great guy, let's call him mike, and things were really good. and then two summers ago i met this other guy, let's call him adam, at the store i was working at. anyways, the whole summer i could feel this attraction toward him, but i never acted on it b/c of mike and besides adam also had a girlfriend. but then, on adam's last day there before he left i gave him a hug and then as i was letting go of him, my cheek brushed against his and i couldn't take it so i just gave him a kiss on the cheek and then the next thing i knew we were kissing (on the lips) and when we stopped i told him not to forget me and he said that he couldn't forget me. and that was it, or so i thought.

 

a couple of months later i was jogging on this street and then i saw him come out of one of the duplexes and he was just wearing a t-shirt and boxer shorts and he just looked so cute, and he came over and said hi to me and he gave me a hug and he kept telling me to go inside with him b/c he wanted to show me his house, so finally i said yes, and then soon enough we were on his couch making out. eventually, i came to my senses and told him that we had to stop, then he told me that he and his gf had broken up, but i told him that mike and i were still together and that i couldn't keep doing this. so i left.

 

i didn't bump into him again until this summer when we were working together again. the whole situation was just too much for either one of us to handle, and our little "trists" grew into a real "affair" everytime we had the opportunity we would make out, hug.... sometimes we would go to his house or my house to be together, or sometimes we would even go out, like on a date. at first i had only felt feelings of physical attraction for adam, but at during the summer i really liked him a lot, in fact i was falling in love with him. even though he wasn't perfect he was everything i ever dreamed of, he was really smart, funny, and very outgoing. but then, at the begining of august he left for college and we decided to keep in touch. the day before he left i went to his house b/c he wanted to say goodbye and stuff, when i got there he said that he loved me and he gave me a ring to remember him by. i told him that i loved him too and that i would never forget him. he said that he wanted us to stay together even after he left. but i told him that i was still going out with mike and that our relationship was too complicated to keep going and that i didn't want him to feel "chained" to me while he was in college. i told him that i wanted him to enjoy college and not have me on his mind. we were both in tears and then we kissed and i left.

 

now, we keep in touch mostly online and sometimes speak on the phone. we have decided to just be friends. but the truth is that my heart is aching without him.

 

i know i sound extremely selfish, i mean i'v been stringing along two great guys, but i just don't know what to do. should i stay with mike and just keep leading my regular life, or should i follow my heart, take a huge risk, dump mike, and be with adam? i would really appreciate any incite, thanks.

[Miss Mojo]

hi gretchen,

 

i feel you should really take a long hard look at why you are still with mike. is it because you are used to being with him? is it because you are very happy with him? is it because you love him?

 

also, do you feel content in your relationship with mike? do you feel that your relationship with mike has any potential? is the relationship going anywhere, or are you happy where it is at right now? personally, i cannot understand how a person can feel content with someone, but still want to pursue an attraction with another....maybe this attraction to adam is telling you something about what you want in life right now.

 

you don't state how old you are, but i am assuming that you are rather young, early twenties (correct me if i'm wrong).

 

either way, you have to make a decision that is going to be fair to both guys. stay with mike and don't have an "affair" with adam, or leave mike and maybe get involved with adam.

 

you cannot stay in a relationship just because you are afraid of "losing out" with your current partner. you say you'd be taking a "huge risk" by leaving mike. why is that?

 

look at what would make you happier right now, and who would make you happier. you must take a long, hard look at what you want and what you have to offer a person and what they have to offer you and as you said, stop stringing people along. if you keep stringing mike and adam along, you will eventually lose both of them.

 

best wishes

[witchbreed]

Take heed of Miss Mojos advice. And when you have found out where your heart really is, follow your heart. Giving up a long relationsship always is scary, but you need to be honest with yourself and with your mates. I cant tell you to stay with Mike or go for Adam, thats something you have to find out yourself. But the way you are going now, in time you would loose both and some self respect on the way.

 

I know it can be hard to decide which way to follow. But you know the answers in your heart. Take time to listen to it. Best wishes.

[Tony T]

If you were really into Mike in a major way, this probably wouldn't be happening.

 

I think it's a major mistake to dump someone who is right there is your town for someone who is away at school. However, it's very clear you're more into Adam.

 

When Adam gets out of college and moves back to your town, if you feel the same way...that's the time to revisit this issue.

 

Frankly, in the meantime I think you ought to drop Mike and date other people you might become more excited about. You are difinitely not ready for a committed relationship but you seem too insecure to be without a guy. Work on yourself.