what about 3rd chance? is it possible...?

[Guest]

ok, let me give a run down... my ex bf and i started dating when we were 17. we ended up going to the same college, and dated until july 2004. That month, he broke up with me and we were apart for 8 months. March 2005, we got back together and things were great.....until September 2005. He broke up with me again, but less than a month later we were working things out and got back together. Now this last time we got back together, things were fantastic. I felt closer to him than i had the whole 3+ years we previously dated. We went on a trip together, i went to a family get together for new years with him, everything seemed perfect.

 

well, this past month, things were SO stressful for me. i had some roommate issues and ended up having to move during the middle of the semester, and i was so stressed about everything. He was there for me the whole time, and telling me that i was his number 1 and he cared about me most. wanted to always be there for me, etc. well, here is where things went totally wrong....

last tuesday, i woke up REALLY early and just had a bad feeling. he hadn't called at all the night before, and that is totally unlike him, especially when things are going to hectic in my life. i got worried and thought the worst. i felt like "he must be trying to hide something from me, he must be cheating" (mind you, he has NEVER given me any reason to think these things, he is totally loyal, and i thought i trused him with all my heart) well, i looked on his buddy list and saw a girls name he had "dated" while we were on our first break. i flipped out, called him at 6:45 that morning to see what was going on. he got really upset (and i don't blame him, i know i was wrong in this matter...)

 

i then went to his apartment (he wouldn't answer my phone calls) and we "talked" there. he explained that he was just curious if she was online, that he didn't even talk to her. He told me that what he did was "stupid" but what i did was just "wrong" and i totally agree. he told me he had nothing more to say and asked me to leave, so i did. he also had asked me not to call him until friday because he had a huge test that week and really needed to concentrate on it.

 

well, thursday rolls around, and after i knew his test was done, i called him but had to leave a message. he called me later that night and i didn't answer, but he left a message and said "i think we need to talk, but i don't care to tonight, call me tomorrow" well, after going through such uncertainty for 3 days, i couldn't wait. i called him back that night and he ended up breaking up with me. at first, he was really adament on the fact that i invaded his privacy (which i did, im not going to deny that.) he said i have major jealousy/insecurity issues that i need to get help with (and i now realize this. i have no reason to be jealous or insecure because he has NEVER given me a reason to be. he also said that he feels like he has changed everything in his life to make me happy. that he has stopped being friends with some of his girl friends because i don't like that he had them as friends (i will admit, i wasn't crazy about these "friends" but i NEVER told him he couldn't hang out with them or anything. i actually TRIED to include some of them in our plans at times...) he also said that he didn't even know who "HE" is anymore and that he feels like he has lost himself through our relationship.

 

i just don't get it. i wish he would have brought this up while we were togther, so we could have possibly worked through things, and not just break up. i am so lost. i can't eat, sleep, all i can think about is "why".

 

i mean, when i think about everything he said, i do see where he has valid points as to why he needs to be alone, but i just don't understand why after 4years he had to figure this out, and couldn't just try to work things out with me.

 

he said something kinda hurtful also at the end of our convo, and that was "i don't think we're right for eachother. we are too much alike. we both need to be with someone that gets stressed less and is more stable, to talk us down when we're feeling bad. i don't see myself with you in the future. i don't see myself marrying you"

 

if he honestly feels this way, then there is nothing i can do about it. but i don;t see after FOUR years how he can feel like this. especially after just taking a trip together (our first trip where we went by ourselves) and just telling me the week before that i was his number 1 and he didn't want to lose me, etc. ALso, on sunday night after not seeing him all weekend i stayed at his apartment and he just held me the whole night. that morning when i left, i kissed his forehead (he was still asleep) and it woke him up and he said "bye sweetie" this was the DAY before all this happened. i JUST DON"T GET IT! is this it?

is it over for good?

WHY???