it is possible to be friends after 3 months?

[murtucky]

okay, i dated a girl on and off for about a year...she moved away for school to hawaii.

 

she was electric, an only child, hot, fun, blue blooded chick...she did everything well that she set her mind to. Intelligent, yet had a tough shell and was hard to read-wasn't much of a talker.

 

I haven't felt such a powerful attraction as I did with her for a long time. But the long distance stuff killed us...she needed immediate interaction. She became increasingly unreliable, but professed her love...even after we broke up. We saw each other past christmas break for a few weeks...very unstable- but soon things started to settle down- she said she would marry me- but had stuff do to for now. The fourth time she brought it up. I did not ever talk of marriage with her, she was the one bringing it up.

 

She went back to school, and she was sweet as pie...invigorated by our time together and our communication was fantastic-we were not bf/gf though. We acted and talked as if.

 

After about a month, she became unreliable again- too busy for mundane things like email, phone calls, and her tone was unsweet again...i tried to discuss the change to no avail.

 

So, i quickly and very harshly, told her she did not meet my criteria and to f##k off. I ended our communication, did not answer my phone or messages, and got on with life. 3 months go by.

 

I started having dreams about her. I emailed her a few weeks ago. I said i don't want her or any relationship right now except for her friendship. I realized the effect that her influence had brought into my life, and i find that effect exceptional. I called her a week later, we talked for two hours. Updated each other basically.

 

I told her it was okay that it didn't work out as bf/gf, but that it was important that we remained active friends. She said she would contact me if she only had something good to say, and that while she was away, i could not help her.

I don't detect any resentment, but i do detect that somehow i betrayed her by breaking up. I mean, she doesn't really let many people in- and she felt like she let me in. I do not, nor did i ever. We haven't communicated in 2-3 weeks...

 

Well, is this possible as friends? I do not want a romance with her now- possibly something to think about in a few years, but not now. I want to sort of check-in every couple months or so... her friendship is more important than any romp in the sack...

 

Any ideas?

[westernxer]

Move to Hawaii and become a surfer, or find another girl.

[panthera_leo]

Why do you really want to be her friend? It sounds like you want to remain friends because u want to keep her in your life...so that when u feel ready for a relationship with her, she's still there. Is that right? If so, i think your motives behind wanting a friendship with this girl are wrong. Some ex's can be friends, others just cant. My ex of 2 years wanted to be "friends" and hoped that 2/3 years down the line we could get back together when he has "experienced life" a little more. If she's anything like me, she wont accept that. She feels she needs to get on with her life and by remaining friends it will take alot longer to do that.

 

Maybe you can develop a friendship with her later on... way later on. I dont think you should push being friends with her. Let her go, i think by not contacting her in the first place was a good idea. STICK TO IT. Whatever happens will happen. Thats just my point of view.

[murtucky]

yes, those are my motives...thats what i posted.

 

I don't want a romantic relationship that is unreliable and divided by 5000 miles....I would not be able to see her for at least another year.

 

I have a life to lead, and value romance highly. I am an attractive, intelligent, and fun person.

 

SHE CHOSE NOT TO CONTINUE (passively, and later confirmed this to me) because it was too hard to put the work in for her. I put in 110%. Talked of moving there. Sent letters, cd's, flowers, texts, and phone calls...all of which were received happily, but there was always an excuse of being "too busy" or "i am not like you when it comes to this stuff" as to why this stuff wasn't coming my way....I communicated, coveted, and worked hard to make it a success.

 

So i ended it because it wasn't reciprocated. She said i was "over-reacting", and "i thought you still wanted to know me". WHAT?!?

 

I have left some nice emails telling her my intentions of being her friend and friend only. I told her i like who she is, and that i needed some time to clear my emotions...hence the NC for a couple of months. Yet that should not get in the way of a beautiful friendship continuing with me.

 

Let me be clear, I don't want to change her...She had a profound effect on my life aside from the GF aspect. She literally changed my outlook on my life and future plans. I learned alot from her and to be a friend to her seems only natural.

At least to me.

[riobikini]

re:

 

Murtucky: " Let me be clear, I don't want to change her."

 

Let me be clear, -you can't.

 

And as for the question "Is it possible to be friends after three months?"

 

The answer is "Yes", -but really, -you don't want to try that little gig unless you're up for a lot of abuse, pain, humiliation, and mind-games.

 

It's time-consuming wasted effort, in most cases.

 

-Rio

 

P.S. Read up on "being friends" in this site. Use the search feature. You'll be astounded with what you'll pull up. And it may save you alot of heartache and trouble. Do your homework first.