old_style_bloke Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 A couple of years back, when my girlfriend and I started dating, one of her friends was given a huge, expensive ring. While admitting it was beautiful, my girlfriend said she thought the diamond trade was evil and that, in any case, she couldn't understand why so many women were so keen to wear a symbol of women subordination (something about the engagement ring being compensation for ruination if the marriage didn't go ahead). The comment was fairly off-handed, and said to only a very few people one night, but it's stuck in my mind ever since (if only as another one of her sometimes amusing and quirky feminist beliefs). She is not the kind of girl who says things she doesn't believe. Flash forward two years, and now I want to propose to this girl. While I'm not rich, I'm okay financially, I would love to splurge a little and surprise her with a big diamond ring. Only I'm not sure that's wise, given her earlier comments. I've noticed she likes green jewelry, so I was thinking of maybe going with emerald earings or a necklace. I'm thinking, if they are not rings, they probably don't have the binding symbolism she doesn't like. Right? What do you think girls? Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 What about a ring, as a symbol of your union, with a beautiful chain she can wear it on around her neck, as a symbol that she is not BOUND to you. Link to post Share on other sites
grateful Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 You should definitely talk to her about it. Or her family. Maybe they have a family heirloom (which would alleviate the diamond trade issue). One word of warning - her feminist concerns may be more than "quirky" to her so you should take them seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 I thought she was referring to diamonds, not the setting? Couldn't you get her a ring with a different stone in it? Not a diamond? Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 Well, if the comment was off-hand one night and she hasn't mentioned it again, I think you'd better ask her. Or if you don't want to ruin the suprise have one of her more crafty friends ask her about it. You should find out exactly what she does think is a nice idea, and then do that. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 This is tough because you want to surprise her so you can't just ASK her. I like the suggestion to talk to her family or one of her close girlfriends. I can't even relate. I LOVE diamonds. I can SMELL them. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 If you get married, will you also wear a ring? The symbolism is what you make of it nowadays. If you are unsure of her reaction or feelings about it - you don't have to propose with a ring - you can propose without one and then decide together what symbol you would both like to have to show the world that you belong together not each belonging to the other. Does she know about non-conflict diamonds? That may be an avenue you will want to explore if a diamond is the symbol that you want. Something about a ring hanging on a chain around one's neck just didn't sound right to me! Talk about bondage! said jokingly - ( I wear my wedding band that way sometimes since it doesn't fit my finger anymore) Link to post Share on other sites
almostthere Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 This just sounds strage to me. How old was she when she said this? I only ask because people can be influenced by their surroundings. I dont believe half the stuff i believed in while in highschool. or maybe even 2 years ago. I am not implying that she is immature or anything. I am just saying people change. especially when they are in love. I swore coming out of my marriage almost 4 years ago I would never marry again. just date. but a year ago i met a man that i absolutely adore and now we are moving in together June 1st. And I am sure the engagement will follow shortly after. I have already been looking at the beautiful rings. I would be proud of my ring because everyone who sees it knows that i have a man in my life that loves me so much that he vowed forever to be with me. and i accepted this and love him just as much. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 There are plenty of other stones that you can get her, in fact its becoming a little more common these days to get colored stones instead of diamonds. That being said your girlfriend should read up more on the history of rings, while in one culture it was seen as a sign of ownership, more often then not it was seen as a symbol of love. Plus if she doesn't want that, there are tons of traditions of today's wedding that had a different meaning in the olden days ;D , what matters is todays tradations and meanings Link to post Share on other sites
BeFree Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 I would definately do a little more research before you blow this one with a neckless or earings. She may feel differently now regarding the subject and will be very sad when you bust out a non ring item. There is also nothing wrong with you proposing to her with out a ring. Then she can decide what she wants. Also, an emerald engagment ring would be beautiful,. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 I think you should try to bring it up again, or ask a friend of hers to research for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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