Shoestring Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Hi all - I am a new member, and hopefully this hasn't been covered already (had a quick scan), however if the MM calls off the affair (i.e. he was caught out) do they come back after a cooling off period wanting to take up where they left off? My situation is already posted, however I was wondering how often they do come back when they say the affair is finished, and if they do, how many of you go back. I don't intend to go back, however a little knowledge is a good thing!! Any comments would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflying Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 It really depends on how serious the affair was. If it was just a one night stand, chances are slim that the OW/OM will return. But if the affair involved emotions, there is always a second chance for them to hook up. When I think of it, every serious relationship gets a second chance, unless something tragic happens. The problem is, feelings change and second chances don't usually work out. One person may want it, the other person may be opposed to it. Just beware. It is likely, in your case, the OW will be back, and may still be, in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Unless MM is going to leave the wife, my guess is that he won't come back, not to the same OW anyway. I'm no expert though.... Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Hi all - I am a new member, and hopefully this hasn't been covered already (had a quick scan), however if the MM calls off the affair (i.e. he was caught out) do they come back after a cooling off period wanting to take up where they left off? My situation is already posted, however I was wondering how often they do come back when they say the affair is finished, and if they do, how many of you go back. I don't intend to go back, however a little knowledge is a good thing!! Any comments would be appreciated. I don't think they come back either. They may do a bit here and there to keep a little ray of hope in you out of pure selfishness. You know dangle the string and right when you try to grab it, they yank it away. Or they have this constant need to be loved or liked by EVERYONE around them, so when you give up on them, they make huge efforts to be 'friendly'. But I don't know, I've only been split with my xMM for 5 months. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dazed-and-Confused Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Shoestring, I'm brand new to this site, but I just wanted to drop you a line and let you in on my current "ordeal". My affair has been on and off for 4 years now with my MM. The first break up lasted for 2 years. His wife didn't find out everything, but enough to make me run and hide. He also betrayed me and brought her to me without my prior knowledge to confront me. He said she threatned him with never seeing his children again. But like a fool, I went back to him. The second and most recent lasted for 3 months. We split again Christmas of '05. 3 months later, he's back. Same sob story, same excuses. I know I'm wrong, but he is very different now. We use to tell each other everything. Spend hours just talking and venting to each other. Now I'm the one who does all the talking. He tells me daily (almost to the extreme) I'm beautiful, sexy and how much he loves me. How unhappy he is, but is where he HAS to be for the time being. But yet again, goes home to her every night. So do they come back? Yes. Is it really worth it? Only you can decide. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shoestring Posted April 23, 2006 Author Share Posted April 23, 2006 zarathustra - Hope you don't mind me asking, but is this what your xMM did. Thanks for your comments. I have only been split 3 weeks and he has been 'friendly' however I have given him no encouragement. He hinted last week about us getting back together after school holidays, hence my question. I believed we had 'unfinished business' but the attention he is giving to the other woman shows me where he really wants to be and that is not with me. I think your comments about pure selfishness is spot on. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Hello Shoestring. I wouldn't worry about something on the boards already being covered... it's like Groundhog Day here all the time... everything is the same day after day after day I was wondering how often they do come back when they say the affair is finished, and if they do, how many of you go back. I think most OW on this board are trying to end the affair ~ either for MM to leave the wife, or the OW is trying to walk away. So no, there aren't too many stories like this on this board. BUT... another board I read at has quite a few examples of OW who want to stay in the affair. And there are a lot of women there whose MM has gone through a D-day (or several), laid low... and then come back to continue the affair. So yes, it can happen. All depends on what the people involved want. (oh yeah, except the poor W, who is being lied to and gaslighted... nice). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 In my experience, the MM DOES try to come back and start the relationship over again. Perhaps not at the level it was at before D Day, but certainly, the NC rule is broken for whatever reasons HE has. Now, whether the OW wants to continue the relationship or not, that is another story. But, yes, for whatever reason, the MM appears to want a continued "relationship" with the OW. Just my experience, though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 I believe they do come back as long as OW is willing to keep the affair and upset the apple cart..if she makes demands then he'll probably move on to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 zarathustra - Hope you don't mind me asking, but is this what your xMM did. Thanks for your comments. I have only been split 3 weeks and he has been 'friendly' however I have given him no encouragement. He hinted last week about us getting back together after school holidays, hence my question. I believed we had 'unfinished business' but the attention he is giving to the other woman shows me where he really wants to be and that is not with me. I think your comments about pure selfishness is spot on. I told him that I didn't want him to tease me at work (he doesn't do that to other people) he did again this week. I also give him information to pass to our team that I found helpful and he makes little remarks here and there. Then he saw that I wasn't buying into his paying me 'negative' attention, so he came by and apologized to me in private. Then he called me to tell me how he wants to be nice to me and that he is genuine. I don't know why its so important to him that I like or that we get along like we used to. IMO, if he didn't make the choice to be with you on the on-set, don't hold your breath. Just continue on with your life and just enjoy the good things around you. If he's calling you, he's just trying to gain control over you. Link to post Share on other sites
Torn Up Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 owever if the MM calls off the affair (i.e. he was caught out) do they come back after a cooling off period wanting to take up where they left off?/QUOTE] Only if YOU allow it. ~Torn~ Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 I don't think they come back either. They may do a bit here and there to keep a little ray of hope in you out of pure selfishness. You know dangle the string and right when you try to grab it, they yank it away. Or they have this constant need to be loved or liked by EVERYONE around them, so when you give up on them, they make huge efforts to be 'friendly'. But I don't know, I've only been split with my xMM for 5 months. Zathura, This sounds like my situation I work with my ex MM and he asked me to pretend that he does not exist and I followed his wishes, this lasted for about a week when he told me he felt guilty for what he had done. Grantid we did not get back together but he does go out of his way to be friendly and e-mails me with silly questions that he knows the answers to...What are some of the other things you do to handle the situation as I do still have feelings for him but I do keep my cool! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Hi all - I am a new member, and hopefully this hasn't been covered already (had a quick scan), however if the MM calls off the affair (i.e. he was caught out) do they come back after a cooling off period wanting to take up where they left off? My situation is already posted, however I was wondering how often they do come back when they say the affair is finished, and if they do, how many of you go back. I don't intend to go back, however a little knowledge is a good thing!! Any comments would be appreciated. In my situation, yes, he came back. Over and over and over again and I kept taking him back because I was so in love with him and believe his promises. Over the course of 7 years. As someone else said, they come back as long as you allow it. And I've seen a few posters on here doing the same thing I did. That's why we call it a rollercoaster. In your situation, you'll be able to answer this question over the next month while your supervisor is away. Stay strong and be prepared. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shoestring Posted April 24, 2006 Author Share Posted April 24, 2006 Hi All - As expected and predicted, he came and saw ME today and sat chatting in my office for 30 minutes. Now I could have told him to go, but I will confess I was curious what he had to say. We chatted about the weekend, and then sure enough back to the affair, how wonderful it was for both of us, how he didn't want to hurt me as he was married and I wasn't, and he couldn't offer my anything. Told me I looked really good and admitted he could have had me then and there in my office but wouldn't let himself be tempted again. I sat there quite bemused. It sounded more like he was trying to convince himself more than me. I am definitely the stronger of the two of us. No mention of Jaws either!!! It was like we were going round and round in circles covering old ground which is why I think he is struggling and trying to convince himself. Even though I don't want to go back, my curiosity got the better of me. Sometimes we can be our own worse enemy, but I am only human after all - LOL. Thank you all for your comments. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Mine came back. The big dumb jerk was caught out by his W. He basically just dropped out of my life for about a month. Came back for maybe a couple months. I finally got fed up with the games, and I just stopped returning his phone calls. I've never been so happy.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Hi All - As expected and predicted, he came and saw ME today and sat chatting in my office for 30 minutes. Now I could have told him to go, but I will confess I was curious what he had to say. We chatted about the weekend, and then sure enough back to the affair, how wonderful it was for both of us, how he didn't want to hurt me as he was married and I wasn't, and he couldn't offer my anything. Told me I looked really good and admitted he could have had me then and there in my office but wouldn't let himself be tempted again. I sat there quite bemused. It sounded more like he was trying to convince himself more than me. I am definitely the stronger of the two of us. No mention of Jaws either!!! It was like we were going round and round in circles covering old ground which is why I think he is struggling and trying to convince himself. Even though I don't want to go back, my curiosity got the better of me. Sometimes we can be our own worse enemy, but I am only human after all - LOL. Thank you all for your comments. I have to say I can't blame you for sitting in for the show. He's obviously feeding his own ego and wouldn't be doing that if Jaws was around. amazing how they assume they could just "take you then and there." Pooey. What a little man. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Told me I looked really good and admitted he could have had me then and there in my office but wouldn't let himself be tempted again. WHaaaaat..???? OMG that's hilarious Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shoestring Posted April 24, 2006 Author Share Posted April 24, 2006 Ya gotta laugh don't ya. Thanx for not condeming me for listening to him. By the way, just think what Jaws has got herself!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Ya gotta laugh don't ya. Thanx for not condeming me for listening to him. By the way, just think what Jaws has got herself!!!!! YOU keep thinking that! It'll keep you strong. You are watching his true colors unfold. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 By the way, just think what Jaws has got herself!!!!! Got to herself... till she happens to be away for a while, then you're targeted. She was right... pity his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Zathura, This sounds like my situation I work with my ex MM and he asked me to pretend that he does not exist and I followed his wishes, this lasted for about a week when he told me he felt guilty for what he had done. Grantid we did not get back together but he does go out of his way to be friendly and e-mails me with silly questions that he knows the answers to...What are some of the other things you do to handle the situation as I do still have feelings for him but I do keep my cool! Nothing I do seems to work, so I'm just trying my best to keep my distance and when he tries to be friendly, I give him this really blank stare (like the lights are on, but nobody's home look). Ah well, what's a girl to do? Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Ya gotta laugh don't ya. Thanx for not condeming me for listening to him. By the way, just think what Jaws has got herself!!!!! He's such a loser! Don't you love it when the rose coloured glasses are off and you realize how tacky they are being?!?? Link to post Share on other sites
Karis Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Hi, I ended things with the MM right off the bat, in the first couple months. One of the posters on here recommended no contact, that's exactly what I did. Anyways, after a few weeks of him being on COMPLETE ignore, he left her for good and is now with me. I have spoken to the wife so I know it's true. I think it depends on the situation. He really did want to leave her and not just have an affair. It was just a big decision that he needed to make on his own, without me pushing him. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Hi, I ended things with the MM right off the bat, in the first couple months. One of the posters on here recommended no contact, that's exactly what I did. Anyways, after a few weeks of him being on COMPLETE ignore, he left her for good and is now with me. I have spoken to the wife so I know it's true. I think it depends on the situation. He really did want to leave her and not just have an affair. It was just a big decision that he needed to make on his own, without me pushing him. I was wondering how things were going with you, Karis. So.... how's it going? Link to post Share on other sites
ww Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 We do not really want them back girls Link to post Share on other sites
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