Karis Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 I was wondering how things were going with you, Karis. So....how's it going? Going really well. He left for good a month ago. He lives 2 hours away so even though he and I are together, he is fighting this battle on his own. Living on his own and making all his own decisions. I am here to listen but I offer no help. Someone mentioned that this is important for MM to NOT go from W to OW and I tend to agree. He also agrees - it's harder, but better in the long run. W called a lot after they split, I think just to help herself deal with it all. We liked each other - surprise eh? Had some honest talks - even discussed the future concerning her children. She tried to kind of talk me out of being with him, like I was her friend instead of the OW. Told me that he needs to be on his own for a few years, not with someone else. She thinks he needs professional help because he left his family. Says that people can't have that loving feeling after being married for a while. She thinks it's normal to have that go away and doesn't understand why he doesn't understand that. Tells him he will never find that with anyone as it doesn't exist. (You should see my parents - they still have dates). Her parents have a loveless marraige so she thinks that is normal. Anyway, he has lost all of his family except his mother and all his money. May even lose his kids. I had surgery a few days ago. He took time off work to take care of me. He did it all. Dishes, laundry, bathing me, cooking, helping me to move...shopping. Told me that he can't afford a ring right now to prove his commitment and love to me but he can prove it by showing me - through his actions - how much he loves me. Which he really is doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Going really well. He left for good a month ago. He lives 2 hours away so even though he and I are together, he is fighting this battle on his own. Living on his own and making all his own decisions. I am here to listen but I offer no help. Someone mentioned that this is important for MM to NOT go from W to OW and I tend to agree. He also agrees - it's harder, but better in the long run. W called a lot after they split, I think just to help herself deal with it all. We liked each other - surprise eh? Had some honest talks - even discussed the future concerning her children. She tried to kind of talk me out of being with him, like I was her friend instead of the OW. Told me that he needs to be on his own for a few years, not with someone else. She thinks he needs professional help because he left his family. Says that people can't have that loving feeling after being married for a while. She thinks it's normal to have that go away and doesn't understand why he doesn't understand that. Tells him he will never find that with anyone as it doesn't exist. (You should see my parents - they still have dates). Her parents have a loveless marraige so she thinks that is normal. Anyway, he has lost all of his family except his mother and all his money. May even lose his kids. I had surgery a few days ago. He took time off work to take care of me. He did it all. Dishes, laundry, bathing me, cooking, helping me to move...shopping. Told me that he can't afford a ring right now to prove his commitment and love to me but he can prove it by showing me - through his actions - how much he loves me. Which he really is doing. Karis, I am delighted for you! It probably isn't easy for the two of you all the time, but you seem to have a good arrangement in place. He probably DOES need to do a lot of it himself, but he still has you to talk to, if he needs to talk. And he's right, his actions speak much louder than any rings!!! Keep us posted! We need success stories too! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 It looks like he has a long road ahead of him. Especially losing much of his family. Hopefully they will come around. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Karis Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Karis, I am delighted for you! It probably isn't easy for the two of you all the time, but you seem to have a good arrangement in place. He probably DOES need to do a lot of it himself, but he still has you to talk to, if he needs to talk. And he's right, his actions speak much louder than any rings!!! Keep us posted! We need success stories too! He admits he has lots of "showing" to do... ANyways things are going really well, I can hardly imagine how nice and easy it'll be for us once all this is over and we actually live in the same place! Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 He admits he has lots of "showing" to do... ANyways things are going really well, I can hardly imagine how nice and easy it'll be for us once all this is over and we actually live in the same place! Yes of course he has loads of "showing" to do, but take it one step at a time. He is doing really well and he seems to care about you deeply, by the sound of things! I am so happy for you and I hope that everything works out for you! Keep posting, as I said! Link to post Share on other sites
OzGirl Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 Hi all - I am a new member, and hopefully this hasn't been covered already (had a quick scan), however if the MM calls off the affair (i.e. he was caught out) do they come back after a cooling off period wanting to take up where they left off? My situation is already posted, however I was wondering how often they do come back when they say the affair is finished, and if they do, how many of you go back. I don't intend to go back, however a little knowledge is a good thing!! Any comments would be appreciated. My MM and I last saw each other about August last year. Since then, not more than 2 weeks has gone by where he hasn't tried to contact me. I just ignore them - his emails are filtered to delete automatically. Once you stop needing to hear the MM tell you you're a hottie, because you think *duh, I know* , and you realise this is all he has to offer you, he makes it easier for you to lose respect for him, and therefore, regardless of the buttons he tries to push, you just lose interest and care. Deal with your own insecurities - we all have them, and they are borne out of fear - and the ability to deal with those fears can be a fear in itself. Until you're okay alone and without what the MM feeds you, you won't be okay with him or, probably, any other man, in the long run. Take the control of you off him. They're your feelings. You can only control your thoughts that preceed them. Easier said than done? Yep. Like the book says - feel the fear and do it anyway.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shoestring Posted April 26, 2006 Author Share Posted April 26, 2006 Hi All - Yep - he came back again today on a 'work' issue. Sat in my office for 30 minutes looking at me with 'that look'. I sat looking back at him thinking "what is it that attracts me to you" but couldn't put my finger on it - LOL. The work issue took about 5 minutes and the rest was you know what. I just played along. I hate to admit it folks, but I am interested to see if he caves in. I feel quite strong, and my feelings have changed towards him after what has happened. He sits there and tells me we are bad for each other, but doesn't leave. Tells me it was good to see again, and when I asked "why" he doesn't answer. Now call me a glutton for punishment, but I want to see how long this goes on for and how strong his resolve is? I am enjoying the side-show. Will keep you updated. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 Shoestring... why does it matter whether he 'caves'..? (whatever that means ~ what do you mean?) I don't know the man, obviously... but what I can see here is an arrogant whatsit who makes a habit of sniffing around any available woman. And... you KNOW that! So... who cares what is going through his mind? I'd tell him to get off my desk and out of my office. YUK. I am worried for you, because I'm concerned that you're not thinking about HIM caving... but about you. You're still tied into this... and hooked into him... aren't you? Please don't do anything stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shoestring Posted April 27, 2006 Author Share Posted April 27, 2006 Hi Sami_D I appreciate your comments and I admit I am still caught up in this mess. FYI - cave in means to give in , however I am getting fed up with the lot of it. Each day I am getting stronger. He came again today to see me. I just sat there while he stood at the door when he first arrived and we exchanged hellos. He said to me "I shouldn't come in" so I said to him "Well off you go then" and he didn't. He then said what a beautiful morning it was and it was a shame to be inside so I told him that he should thinking about retiring! He just laughed at this comment. He only hung around for 15 minutes today and that is all so he is cutting back. I am certainly not encouraging him. He has tomorrow off so I don't have to see him. Perhaps my persona made him realise he is starting to waste his and my time. The good news is that there are moves afoot with regard to my job transfer, and it all looks very positive. Jaws will not be my supervisor for much longer and hopefully it will all be finalised before she gets back from her leave. I appreciate your comments. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Hi Sami_D I appreciate your comments and I admit I am still caught up in this mess. FYI - cave in means to give in , however I am getting fed up with the lot of it. Each day I am getting stronger. He came again today to see me. I just sat there while he stood at the door when he first arrived and we exchanged hellos. He said to me "I shouldn't come in" so I said to him "Well off you go then" and he didn't. He then said what a beautiful morning it was and it was a shame to be inside so I told him that he should thinking about retiring! He just laughed at this comment. He only hung around for 15 minutes today and that is all so he is cutting back. I am certainly not encouraging him. He has tomorrow off so I don't have to see him. Perhaps my persona made him realise he is starting to waste his and my time. The good news is that there are moves afoot with regard to my job transfer, and it all looks very positive. Jaws will not be my supervisor for much longer and hopefully it will all be finalised before she gets back from her leave. I appreciate your comments. Well I think you're doing great! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shoestring Posted April 27, 2006 Author Share Posted April 27, 2006 Dear movinon05 Thank you - it certainly is not easy, as we did have an intense 5 months affair which ended abruptly at his call. However now that it is done, I am really looking forward to my new job challenge (without the crap from Jaws). It also appears that it will not be MM's Division either, so that is another bonus. I suppose that was why I started this thread because I wanted to know what his potential moves might be. I do have a strong resolve and always keep moving forward never looking behind. Thanks again for your support. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Dear movinon05 Thank you - it certainly is not easy, as we did have an intense 5 months affair which ended abruptly at his call. However now that it is done, I am really looking forward to my new job challenge (without the crap from Jaws). It also appears that it will not be MM's Division either, so that is another bonus. I suppose that was why I started this thread because I wanted to know what his potential moves might be. I do have a strong resolve and always keep moving forward never looking behind. Thanks again for your support. Shoestring, I have followed your story with your exMM and Jaws. I think that you are doing exceptionally well! You are strong, honest and determined. Keep "moving"!!! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Dear movinon05 Thank you - it certainly is not easy, as we did have an intense 5 months affair which ended abruptly at his call. However now that it is done, I am really looking forward to my new job challenge (without the crap from Jaws). It also appears that it will not be MM's Division either, so that is another bonus. I suppose that was why I started this thread because I wanted to know what his potential moves might be. I do have a strong resolve and always keep moving forward never looking behind. Thanks again for your support. I never said it was easy. Just possible. It'll be even easier when you get out of there. (((hugs))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shoestring Posted May 22, 2006 Author Share Posted May 22, 2006 Hi all: Its been nearly 4 weeks since I last posted. I am ashamed to say that I have got back with MM on 3 occasions. I have no excuse, but as I write, I have to admit that the intensity is not the same but the sexual chemistry is very much there. He kept coming to see me everyday and I finally gave in. He initially wanted to take it slowly and get together once a week, but he now wants to try and get together more often. I always looked at the affair as a sexual one, not an emotional one. The whole situation suited me because I got the sex without the emotional complications, however it does seem a little easier said than done. There has to be some sort of connection between us to continue for over six months. Do you think anyone can have a sexual only relationship without any emotional ties whatsoever. That said, I think if it ended again, I certainly wouldn't be as affected as I was when it first happened. I don't know if it was because he called it off so suddenly that I felt there was unfinished business. I am sure it was because the OW (not his wife) was away on holidays and he felt free to come and see me whenever he wanted which was very frequently, plus the phone calls. Some nights he will sms me more than 5 times trying to set up times to get together. Its like he has the physical affair with me and the emotional affair with the OW. Wouldn't it be so much simpler if he had both with her??? I suppose I am feeling unsettled because OW started back at work today and my insecurities are flooding back. We hardly saw anything of each other today and I have to accept that she will be watching our every move and he and I will have to be very careful. I have moved on with my position so she holds no power over me as far as my job is concerned. What is it with these affairs that you just can't seem to let go? I know, I know, I am a glutton for punishment, but sometimes, we just can't help ourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 22, 2006 Share Posted May 22, 2006 I suspect you will have your answers shortly now that jaws is back. I don't want to sound grim, but be prepared for the worst. I was wondering what happened to you! I'm not going to judge you, or lash out about the MM or throw the questions at you (even though I really would like to!! but I will refrain for now because I'm off to work), I just hope it all doesn't fall flat in your face again. Keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 22, 2006 Share Posted May 22, 2006 Oh dear... ah well, that was kindof predictable. (((hugs ))) Listen... it won't be because she (the OOW) is back and watching you two that you won't be seeing him so much. It's because he no longer needs you now he has her. If you can get that into your head... you WILL be able to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shoestring Posted May 22, 2006 Author Share Posted May 22, 2006 Movinon05: I was wondering what happened to you! I'm not going to judge you, or lash out about the MM or throw the questions at you (even though I really would like to!! but I will refrain for now because I'm off to work) Which did you mean - judge me, lash out or throw the questions at me - LOL. Ask any question? Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 22, 2006 Share Posted May 22, 2006 Movinon05: I was wondering what happened to you! I'm not going to judge you, or lash out about the MM or throw the questions at you (even though I really would like to!! but I will refrain for now because I'm off to work) Which did you mean - judge me, lash out or throw the questions at me - LOL. Ask any question? Hey SS, No, I am not judging you at all. I didn't have time to respond more this morning but since my boss has left, I'm taking the time. Please take what I say not as criticism but just because I care about you. Your MM started up with another OW and then broke it off with you. He badmouthed you to her. He kept up his A with her and then he weasled his way back in with you while she was away. I just want to know why you would let him do this to you. You say you had unfinished business, but I know if it was me, the business would have been finished once he took off with another OW. How can you believe anything he tells you now? He sounds like a serial cake eater! I think you are going to find out very quickly what he is up to if he starts calling less, seeing you less, and you find out he's spending time with her again. You say you're not as emotionally invested, so why put yourself through this. I think he's treated you like sloppy seconds or thirds. And you deserve more! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shoestring Posted May 23, 2006 Author Share Posted May 23, 2006 Thanks Movinon0 - I appreciate your comments FYI - his 'affair' with Jaws didn't start up after ours started. He has known her for about 5 years (I have only known him for over 2 years) and admitted they have a close friendship and I knew that before we got physical. It was her reaction to that email that threw the spanner in the works. I know they are emotionally connected and when she realised that she had competition from me, she reacted badly. She obviously likes to be centre of attention, and that applies to all things people and work-wise. It probably sounds like I can justify anything, but he is showing her no more "respect" that me, so it is obvious the only winner is him. However, as I look at this whole thing as a physical affair, then I feel I can walk away more unscathed than Jaws who is emotionally involved. After digesting all the above cr*p which I have just written, and how strong I said I was in previous posts, and still gave in, I have turned my mobile off and that 'tingling' sensation I used to have for him is fading. I think I just needed to work through my feelings myself and perhaps be empowered to be the one to end it, and not him. Hope this makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 But how do you know he's not having an A with jaws as well. Why else would she get so upset? And your other thread spoke of how much time and flirting he did with her. Is it not the same way now? Hopefully, as you say, you can find the strength in you to end it, if that's what you want. I know its hard. Perhaps since you are not as emotionally invested, it will come sooner then later. There's only more hurt down the road in all ways. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shoestring Posted May 23, 2006 Author Share Posted May 23, 2006 But how do you know he's not having an A with jaws as well. Why else would she get so upset? And your other thread spoke of how much time and flirting he did with her. Is it not the same way now? I really don't know if he is or isn't having a physical affair with Jaws (pretty sure of an emotional affair between the two of them) which would explain her getting upset. Knowing the demands of his work and farm, he doesn't have much time at all. If he was having sex with me, and her as well, then I think he would have to be Superman, but unless I ask him outright, I am never going to know, and is he going to tell me the truth if I ask?? I honestly don't know how he keeps up the pace that he does. The fact is that he is still chasing me so he is still very keen irrespective of whether he is having an emotional affair with Jaws. I have pondered his reaction to her getting upset and wondered if he was putting the time into her, i.e. spending that time and flirting with her because he wanted to keep her "on-side". She is a direct report to the Head of the whole agency, so could be potentially dangerous to anyone on her wrong side which is why I asked to be transferred away from her. When you stop and think about the whole sordid business, MM, Jaws and I are all tarred with the same brush. The fact is I and Jaws(??) are having a intimate relationship with a MM (either physical or emotional). We were all fully aware of this before we play these games and only have ourselves to blame for whatever eventuates. At the end of the day he still does have a wife at home who he is not prepared to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 The fact is I and Jaws(??) are having a intimate relationship with a MM (either physical or emotional). We were all fully aware of this before we play these games and only have ourselves to blame for whatever eventuates. At the end of the day he still does have a wife at home who he is not prepared to leave. Yes... he's having relationships with three women... I just can't understand what it is about him that's so seemingly irresistable that you would want to be involved with this..? Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 ShoeS..... Do they ever come back? Well mine certainly did! And; left again! And; he'll be back AGAIN! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shoestring Posted May 24, 2006 Author Share Posted May 24, 2006 I just can't understand what it is about him that's so seemingly irresistable that you would want to be involved with this..? Sami D - I cannot answer that question. I know I am pathetic, but at the moment I feel addicted and need the 'fix' he can provide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shoestring Posted June 1, 2006 Author Share Posted June 1, 2006 Well I don't know what's happening now. Last week Jaws seemed to be hanging back waiting for MM, but I decided not to hang around waiting to see what happened, but he and I got together twice last week. This week, Jaws looks absolutely terrible (not how someone who had 4 weeks leave should look!). She looked haggard and doesn't seem to be taking much pride in her appearance which was always so important to her. He and I have got together twice already this week and are planning our third meeting tomorrow night. Last Friday, it was the most sensual, intimate and closest we have ever been with each other. I have never experienced anything like it, nor has he. Its like they have had a 'lovers fight'?? or have been warned that people are 'watching' them. Somethings seems to have happened, and I am not going to ask him. I am trying not to read too much into any of this, but he certainly hasn't cooled off with me, if anything we have increased our contact. He certainly doesn't visit me in my office as much now that she is back (of which I am glad) but he doesn't visit her either. She doesn't seem to have much to do with anyone, even her buddy who sent on my private email. Life sure ain't dull and who knows what will happen next but I take what I can get and its good at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
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