"Waf it fomefing I faid?"

[Tom]

Ok, er.. this might get abit lengthy, so I'll make 2 versions, heh..

 

Short story:

 

I've had the biggest crush on this girl for over a year now, we've been great, intimate friends for that period, but now as I started getting abit more serious, she is totally freezing me out?

 

Long story:

 

Last year, I ended up in class with this amazing girl, and I instantly got the biggest crush on her, but didnt want to take it any further than being friends, as it might awkward things up since we're in class..

 

The time went on, we became even better friends, and she even told me she had a crush on me in the beginning of the year. She has also agressively kissed me on the lips while we have been drinking.. (I'm reluctant to make any moves while under the influence, but a kiss on the lips is a rather obvious signal, isnt it?)

 

In the past few months, I started taking her out for dinner a few times, which she seemed to enjoy alot, and I even bought her this huge basket of flowers on her birthday, which earned me various hugs and kisses.

 

Anyway, for the past 2-3 weeks, she has totally changed.

 

Example: I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie, and all I got was a rapid "No." (As in not even a "No, I dont have the time" or anything like that.)

 

Naturally, I was kinda stunned, asking "why not?" She wont tell me, and makes up obvious silly excuses like "I have a case of theatrephobia!" and laughs it away, trying to change the subject (This goes for taking her out on dinner and whatnot too).

 

I cant remember saying or doing anything to produce such a situation, so I'm totally blank, and have no idea what to do!

[Tom]

Oh, by the way, sorry about my un-original name.. I've noticed that there are some other people on this board using it, so I just wanted to say that I'm not claiming to be anyone else, this is my first post here

[Ed]

If I really wanted to go out to a movie or to dinner and I didn't want to go by myself, I would ask someone else to go with me. You may get turned down again, but if you keep asking, eventually, you'll find someone that will go with you (especially if you are picking up the tab).

[Tom]

Well, my point is kinda that I want this girl in particular, I've tried for over 1 year now, and cant see what I did that got her so frightened or whatever?

If I really wanted to go out to a movie or to dinner and I didn't want to go by myself, I would ask someone else to go with me. You may get turned down again, but if you keep asking, eventually, you'll find someone that will go with you (especially if you are picking up the tab).

[ann]

Maybe it's that you're trying too hard? Who knows. I once dated a guy who tended to my every need. Even to the point were I would suggest somewhere to eat for dinner, he would agree, then I would change my mind, he would agree, and so on... Kinda annoying if you ask me. But when looking back on it, I probably would have been much better off with that guy then who I ended up marrying. It just doesnt seem so annoying anymore. But that's life.

 

 

 

Well, my point is kinda that I want this girl in particular, I've tried for over 1 year now, and cant see what I did that got her so frightened or whatever?

[Ed]

My point is...no matter how much you like her or how uniterested she seems to be, both of you need to wake up and realize that SHE is not the only girl in town worth going out on a date with.

[Tom]

Thats very true, but she's the one-in-a-thousand which I'm not giving up on too easily

 

But of course, if it turns out that she's plain and simple tired of me, I wont have much problems letting her go.

My point is...no matter how much you like her or how uniterested she seems to be, both of you need to wake up and realize that SHE is not the only girl in town worth going out on a date with.

[clia]

Why don't you just ask her what the deal is? If you've known her for a year and gone out with her a number of times (been 'intimate friends'), you must have decent communication with her. Yeah, it might be a little awkward for a few seconds, but at least you'd find out the truth. You have no idea what's going on with her right now--there may be something entirely unrelated to you that she's going through, and thus she doesn't have time or doesn't want to go out with you--i.e. she hasn't been feeling well, something going on with her family or one of her friends, she's behind on her schoolwork, etc. It could be anything and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you or something you did (or didn't) do. From what you've said, it sounds like she likes you. Most people don't write off someone they've known for over a year based on one little goof up. And since you don't even know if you goofed up, chances are, you didn't. You don't want some silly lack of communication to come between what could be a great relationship, do you? Just ask her.

Ok, er.. this might get abit lengthy, so I'll make 2 versions, heh.. Short story: I've had the biggest crush on this girl for over a year now, we've been great, intimate friends for that period, but now as I started getting abit more serious, she is totally freezing me out? Long story: Last year, I ended up in class with this amazing girl, and I instantly got the biggest crush on her, but didnt want to take it any further than being friends, as it might awkward things up since we're in class.. The time went on, we became even better friends, and she even told me she had a crush on me in the beginning of the year. She has also agressively kissed me on the lips while we have been drinking.. (I'm reluctant to make any moves while under the influence, but a kiss on the lips is a rather obvious signal, isnt it?) In the past few months, I started taking her out for dinner a few times, which she seemed to enjoy alot, and I even bought her this huge basket of flowers on her birthday, which earned me various hugs and kisses. Anyway, for the past 2-3 weeks, she has totally changed. Example: I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie, and all I got was a rapid "No." (As in not even a "No, I dont have the time" or anything like that.) Naturally, I was kinda stunned, asking "why not?" She wont tell me, and makes up obvious silly excuses like "I have a case of theatrephobia!" and laughs it away, trying to change the subject (This goes for taking her out on dinner and whatnot too). I cant remember saying or doing anything to produce such a situation, so I'm totally blank, and have no idea what to do!

[Tom]

I did ask her if I did/said something wrong, and she kind of jumped up and said "No! of course not!". But as I mentioned, when I ask why, she just kinda jokes it away and changes the subject :/

 

And yes, I know I'm posting alot here, but this is really frustrating, and I just want some answers

[amyb]

Sometimes when you try to start something with a friend, you realize that you maybe just wanted to do it once, and maybe it was just because you wondered what it would be like, not because it was truly meant to be. So it could just be that the little crush she had on you has been fufilled by a few drunken kisses and the realization that you actually do like her. You know, the thrill of the chase and all. And since you already laid out all your cards, her interest may have dwindled in the romance area. I would hate to be right, since you seem like a nice guy who would prob. treat this girl really well, but as a girl, I have seen this happen between "friends" and it's even happened to me, where I lost intrest in my guy friend as soon as he told me he wanted me......Which can make it hard to go back to just being friends again..

[clia]

I'd suggest (and feel free to disregard) that you rephrase your question. Ask her any of the following:

 

1) Have I done something to upset you? I feel like all of a sudden you don't want to spend time with me anymore. If you don't, that's fine. I'd hate to lose your friendship. But I'd appreciate it if you were honest with me so I don't continue to waste my time if you no longer want to see me.

 

2) I hate to start sounding all serious on you, but I feel like something is bothering you, even though you've denied it. I understand if you don't want to talk to me about it, but I feel like it's based on something I've done. I'd like to continue dating you, but if you don't want to, don't feel like you have to keep blowing me off. Just tell me the truth and let's move on.

 

3) (The next time she turns you down...) Well, when are you available next? It's been X since we've gone out and I'd like to get together again. (Then, based on her response, you might want to go with #1 or #2. If she can't come up with an alternative, I'd say you're out of luck.)

 

These are just ideas. The key is to sound understanding, but to give her an out if she doesn't want to see you anymore. It does seem like if she wanted to see you, she'd come up with some alternatives. Don't let her off the hook. All you're doing is wasting your time if she no longer wants to see you, and it's kind of rude of her to keep denying it if she doesn't want to see you anymore. I think if she keeps it up it's in your best interest to move on.

I did ask her if I did/said something wrong, and she kind of jumped up and said "No! of course not!". But as I mentioned, when I ask why, she just kinda jokes it away and changes the subject :/ And yes, I know I'm posting alot here, but this is really frustrating, and I just want some answers

[Shellshock]

Look man!!...save your time, gifts, and affections for somebody that will appreciate it. You guys must be young because this sounds like the type of GIRL (not a woman) who falls for a**h***s and wonder why she's being done wrong and even worst turning nice guys into a**h***s....but if you choose to stick around, play her game. Stop calling her, stop asking her out and when you see her in person don't speak and if she speaks keep everything short and sweet....by doing this, this will allow you to step outside the situation to see how she really feels...you've done enough, make her chase you.

Ok, er.. this might get abit lengthy, so I'll make 2 versions, heh.. Short story: I've had the biggest crush on this girl for over a year now, we've been great, intimate friends for that period, but now as I started getting abit more serious, she is totally freezing me out? Long story: Last year, I ended up in class with this amazing girl, and I instantly got the biggest crush on her, but didnt want to take it any further than being friends, as it might awkward things up since we're in class.. The time went on, we became even better friends, and she even told me she had a crush on me in the beginning of the year. She has also agressively kissed me on the lips while we have been drinking.. (I'm reluctant to make any moves while under the influence, but a kiss on the lips is a rather obvious signal, isnt it?) In the past few months, I started taking her out for dinner a few times, which she seemed to enjoy alot, and I even bought her this huge basket of flowers on her birthday, which earned me various hugs and kisses. Anyway, for the past 2-3 weeks, she has totally changed. Example: I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie, and all I got was a rapid "No." (As in not even a "No, I dont have the time" or anything like that.) Naturally, I was kinda stunned, asking "why not?" She wont tell me, and makes up obvious silly excuses like "I have a case of theatrephobia!" and laughs it away, trying to change the subject (This goes for taking her out on dinner and whatnot too). I cant remember saying or doing anything to produce such a situation, so I'm totally blank, and have no idea what to do!