miss_sampalok Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Have friends who were once so in love but now separated...I know a couple who fought for their love against all odds but now divorced...met people married for years and had kids but now also divorced...is it his fault, her fault or both? kids maybe? or "love & marriage" now is just good for 2 to 3 yrs and NO extension? Is marriage just too difficult to handle or their relationship is already wrong in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 In my experience there are three sides to every separation/divorce. There's his side. There's her side. There's the truth, which usually lies somewhere in the middle. That was the message I gave my children when their mother and I divorced after 27 years. Marriage is tough and takes a lot of work. neither the ex nor I were willing, able, capable, savy, you name it to put in the extreme time and effort needed to sustain the relationship. Thankfully, both my wife and I are! Link to post Share on other sites
1Gravity Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 I have the same experience; friends that appeared to be very happily married, people that attended church and sunday school, educated and very bright people, now divorced. I don't know the answer to the mystery even as I view the impending breakup of my own marriage. I've done the counseling, the OW, the 52 books on marriage and family but I remain at a loss as to the answer. I really, really wish I know. Socrates was once asked by a student "teacher, tell me, should I get married or stay single?" Socrates looked at lovingly and said "My son, I cannot tell you whether you should get married or whether you should stay single, I can only tell you that whichever decision you make, you will be miserable." That about sums it up for me. I see marriage not as two people in the same boat, but two people that are in seperate boats choosing to paddle alongside one another. Either one, for any reason, may choose to paddle in a different direction and end their union. Let me know if you figure it out. 1Gravity (gravity was taken) Link to post Share on other sites
MisterX Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 its a great question.. i'm seperated and it looks like headed to divorce..i have kids..i would do anything to stay married...in my wife's eyes, i neglected her needs (intimacy, romance), in my mind i was very browbeat and basically under her thumb.. i view marraige as lifetime commitment..good/bad/middle..you are in it together...she doesnt view it that way...she "loves me but isnt in love" (you can only find that 10 million times on these boards).. i love the socrates quote. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 personally, i think divorce was frowned so much upon in the past, and feared so much as an act of sin, that people didnt divorce. I think they might have been just as unhappy as current marriages, but they worked hard on their relationships due to fear and social pressure. Now, you get divorced and rarely anyone blinks an eye. There's no social pressure to remain a couple. Out of ALL my family and friends, and out of all HIS family and friends, there was only ONE guy who spoke to both of us to try to work our relationship out. Everyone else just supported us and our breakup, but none of them tried to get us back together. It's very sad. Link to post Share on other sites
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