Why Don't Dumpers Explain Their Reasons?

[batesal]

I would rather hear that, then a bunch of excuses like "It's me, not you", or "I'm too busy and overwhelmed to be in a relationship". Yes, the truth hurts, no matter what it is -- but if the dumper ever said "I love you" to the dumpee, then they OWE it to them to respect that love, even if it's gone, to give them the truth.

 

 

I agree with this. If someone tells you something like that when you have invested your feelings, love and life to that person and then they just say something like that it will confuse you and seriously hurt you. I may be right or wrong when I say this but, how many people in the world after being with someone for a long time, not think about their ex and wonder what it was that happend that caused them to leave? All people have their own opinions about things, but all people are not hurting in the same prospective.

 

When my relationship ended I had to find out unexpectedly the truth around my breakup. Of course she let me off easy, cause she doesn't want any guilt or remorse for what she did. All I wanted was 2 things. Why she was leaving me and what were my chances of getting back together. She, over and over promised me that I had nothing to worry about, that she just wanted to be alone for a while. But 2 days after my breakup she was with someone else whom later I found out she cheated on me with.

 

If you are going to breakup with and you know you are, you should not give a damn about how they feel or tell them the simple easy comforting words. Tell them the truth. They may be hurt with the truth, but you won't be getting those annyoing phone calls about can I have a second chance stuff, or can I see you. You don't string people out cause you have a big ego. If you don't love someone then tell them that you don't. How many people would rather know the truth, than find out from friends, family or yourself? Finding out on your own hurts a HELL of alot more than getting the information upfront at the day of the breakup.

 

MY OPINION.

[Mary3]

I agree with Vertex.

 

The Dumper is considering his/her own selfish desires and/or needs.

 

They seem to find it rather annoying, then, to have to come forward with the bad news, so they keep up appearances until they could puke.

 

Then they dance around the matter for awhile, working up the nerve, while still stating that they 'love' you.

 

Next, as things get a little warmer, and they find themselves squirming around from the whole discomfort of the situation, they begin stating the infamous words "It's not you, honey, -it's me". Said (almost always) with this sincere, anguished look on their lying face.

 

Then they cut and run, -leaving you devastated.

 

Right into the waiting arms of the person they've had their eye on for months.

 

No wonder the bag you're left holding is heavy, -it's full of sh*t!

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

So True * but * there really are clues and they are there from the VERY start of the beginning of the End.....You can ignore the clues or you can get very sharp and quick at detecting crap words from ass clowns and get ready to move on yourself...

 

Get there first. So you won't so devastated and clueless when they are doing the dumping. Be the dumper first !

[Mary3]

on the contrary RIDDLER...many times people are afraid to be honest because they are trying to protect the other's feelings.

 

 

I'm sure you'd love to hear some chick who dumps you say to you: "Oh sorry RIDDLER, I'm dumping you cause you dick it too small and your'e bad in bed, oh and you're ugly too!"...

 

I would say if I were a guy and were told the 3 above things , I would not think I could do much about 2 out of 3 . You could get better in bed but you won't grow a larger penis . If you are really fugly I dont see that changing much either...

[Mary3]

for me usually it is the women start to get too clingy and want me around 24/7, blah blah. i like my independence and usually only want to see the bitch once or twice per week (yes, even after dating for a year). women hate this but its the way I am. I like my freedom and being single. i don't want some damn female on my ass all the time. Hell, I have even had the opportunity to live with women and i've turned it down every time.

 

oh, and i once dumped a chick cause she had skanky feet

 

Do you want to have sex with the Bitch when you see her once a week ?

[Mary3]

Since I do the dumping 80% of the time its really not an issue for me. I usually never give the broads any specific reason. I usually split due to boredom or excessive clingyness or neediness or their part.

 

If and when I do get dumped (which has happened )....I really don't want to know why and I never ask.

 

Alpha are you good looking ? Lots of dumping going on your end....lol

[Mary3]

I agree 100 percent.

 

Maybe pretend they died or have rabies ? lol

[Mary3]

I would rather hear that, then a bunch of excuses like "It's me, not you", or "I'm too busy and overwhelmed to be in a relationship". Yes, the truth hurts, no matter what it is -- but if the dumper ever said "I love you" to the dumpee, then they OWE it to them to respect that love, even if it's gone, to give them the truth.

 

 

I agree with this. If someone tells you something like that when you have invested your feelings, love and life to that person and then they just say something like that it will confuse you and seriously hurt you. I may be right or wrong when I say this but, how many people in the world after being with someone for a long time, not think about their ex and wonder what it was that happend that caused them to leave? All people have their own opinions about things, but all people are not hurting in the same prospective.

 

When my relationship ended I had to find out unexpectedly the truth around my breakup. Of course she let me off easy, cause she doesn't want any guilt or remorse for what she did. All I wanted was 2 things. Why she was leaving me and what were my chances of getting back together. She, over and over promised me that I had nothing to worry about, that she just wanted to be alone for a while. But 2 days after my breakup she was with someone else whom later I found out she cheated on me with.

 

If you are going to breakup with and you know you are, you should not give a damn about how they feel or tell them the simple easy comforting words. Tell them the truth. They may be hurt with the truth, but you won't be getting those annyoing phone calls about can I have a second chance stuff, or can I see you. You don't string people out cause you have a big ego. If you don't love someone then tell them that you don't. How many people would rather know the truth, than find out from friends, family or yourself? Finding out on your own hurts a HELL of alot more than getting the information upfront at the day of the breakup.

 

MY OPINION.

 

My best advice is to go slowly in a relationship so that you don't have to give your heart too soon to someone who carelessly tosses it aside so easily.

[dgiirl]

I would rather hear that, then a bunch of excuses like "It's me, not you", or "I'm too busy and overwhelmed to be in a relationship". Yes, the truth hurts, no matter what it is -- but if the dumper ever said "I love you" to the dumpee, then they OWE it to them to respect that love, even if it's gone, to give them the truth.

 

And, I should add, that if the dumper made promises, commitments or gave conflicting signals to the dumpee, then they should explain their behavior.

 

This is why you can give yourself your OWN closure. Bottomline is, if someone tells you the relationship is over, it's because their feelings faded. All the "it's me, not you" and the "i love you, but i'm not IN love with you" garbage comes AFTER the dumpeer says those words "i dont want to be in a relationship". It's after they dump us, and we're still confused, so they're grasping at more stuff to say to take the hurt away. Yes, some people have more integrity than others. When my ex left me, he was absolutely dispectable. He said some extremely hurtful things. But I realize he was an emotional wreck himself and didnt think very clearly what he was doing. He did it in the heat of the moment, when we were arguing. And everytime I went back for more closure, he was very mean to me. He told me 6 months later that he did that on purpose so that I would hate him and let him go. And although he appologized 6 months later, those words still haunt me and hurt me. He didnt have any integrity, and I told him that, and he agreed. He didnt handle the breakup very well, but it was years of frustration let out in one night. So I have to ignore almost everything he said because a LOT of it was not true, a LOT of it was his own issues that he needed to be resolved, not me. Give yourself your own closure. You'll be kinder to yourself, and if you reflect on yourself, you'll know if there's anything you need to work on. And just because one person thinks you have faults doesnt mean the next one will see them as faults. Maybe that's exactly what they'll love that about you, so why change?