TravelLight Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 or, the other side of the coin is that they did you a favor and were trying to protect your feeelings. Sorry, that is BS. Protect my feelings; it's too late you've done your worst. How about tell it like it is? Much better for me, you and our futures. Don't hide behind a veil of crap, I would have never have gone out with you. This aint a propoganda show. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 there are times to say the truth. there are times to lie. there are times to say nothing at all. the hard part is knowing what to say and when. Well then don't lie because it is easy or convenient for you. Lie because you have to. Like WWIU said, some of the mentally unbalanced may lose it if they were to hear the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Well then don't lie because it is easy or convenient for you. Lie because you have to. Like WWIU said, some of the mentally unbalanced may lose it if they were to hear the truth. whatever! WTF is the deal with the rain? Wasn't it supposed to be sunny today? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 whatever! Good response. I love the rain. Link to post Share on other sites
TravelLight Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 there are times to say the truth. there are times to lie. there are times to say nothing at all. the hard part is knowing what to say and when. Are you running for President? Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 If the dumper never promises anything he or she cannot deliver then there is no problem from my point of view. I agree. But my ex would say she loved me, talk about the future, promise to visit me more/call/etc, none of it happened. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Are you running for President? Prez of LS??? No, I don't think so Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 on the contrary RIDDLER...many times people are afraid to be honest because they are trying to protect the other's feelings. I'm sure you'd love to hear some chick who dumps you say to you: "Oh sorry RIDDLER, I'm dumping you cause you dick it too small and your'e bad in bed, oh and you're ugly too!"... My ex said that, and it killed me, but I respect the honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted April 23, 2006 Author Share Posted April 23, 2006 on the contrary RIDDLER...many times people are afraid to be honest because they are trying to protect the other's feelings. I'm sure you'd love to hear some chick who dumps you say to you: "Oh sorry RIDDLER, I'm dumping you cause you dick it too small and your'e bad in bed, oh and you're ugly too!"... And I'm pretty positive that if a dumper felt that way towards the other person: The other person would have some clue that their partner was not in love with them. The dumper would not initiate saying the words "I love you" over and over again up until the break-up. The dumper would not behaving caring and affectionate towards the other person up until the break-up day. The dumper would not talk about a future with the other person. The dumper would not show an interest in knowing the other person's family and friends. What my original question pertained to are people who suddenly withdraw their love without any warning, after expressing to the other person that they were invested in the relationship. I'm talking about the kind of dumper that devastates someone without any decent explanation for why they decided to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 My ex said that, and it killed me, but I respect the honesty. I - CAN - NOT - HOLD - BACK - any longer...I'm sorry, just can't pass this up! Is that why you're into pillows now?? Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 I - CAN - NOT - HOLD - BACK - any longer...I'm sorry, just can't pass this up! Is that why you're into pillows now?? If anybody ever so much as looks at my pillow I'll kill the motherf*cker. Link to post Share on other sites
BBetsy Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 so what some of you are saying is that there *is* something terribly wrong with those of us who got dumped, but the dumper just didn't want to tell us or it would hurt our feelings? that's not good. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 I agree with Vertex. The Dumper is considering his/her own selfish desires and/or needs. They seem to find it rather annoying, then, to have to come forward with the bad news, so they keep up appearances until they could puke. Then they dance around the matter for awhile, working up the nerve, while still stating that they 'love' you. Next, as things get a little warmer, and they find themselves squirming around from the whole discomfort of the situation, they begin stating the infamous words "It's not you, honey, -it's me". Said (almost always) with this sincere, anguished look on their lying face. Then they cut and run, -leaving you devastated. Right into the waiting arms of the person they've had their eye on for months. No wonder the bag you're left holding is heavy, -it's full of sh*t! Take care. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
TeaCooler Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 or, the other side of the coin is that they did you a favor and were trying to protect your feeelings. i agree. i started a thread a while ago from the dumper's point of view. it made some people mad, but oh well. it might be worth reading. Link to post Share on other sites
bonny doon Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 rio, loved your post. left holding a bag ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted April 24, 2006 Author Share Posted April 24, 2006 people suck Link to post Share on other sites
ddnnee Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 my simple answer: humans are originally polygamic and will always be. We refuse to be like swans and albatrosses because we are too intelligent. We have ambition and always want more and better. Because of this, people will most likely find people better than you and once they do, they lose interest in you and your feelings. So giving you a reason for the breakup is not important because your feelings does not matter to them anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Jen jen, unless he gives you the answers yourself, I don't think you're ever going to get the answers you want to hear. Better to put the time and effort into moving on, rather than keep examining the reasons why it ended the way it did. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Some of us do explain, fully, the reasons. IME so far the people simply do not want to hear, even when they are explained in great detail, with examples, pictures and surroundsound. Why people do not explain themselves is a mystery to me, complete mystery. And I back Curmudgeon on the mind set that finds another SO before leaving a current relationship. That is the epitome of cowardice. There is no explanation I would want to hear about that situation. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Witabix & JenJen, And yet, I was the Dumper in my last breakup. But forced to be the one to do it. Still, I gave it every chance to work, -even made up excuses for it to survive. When I finally realized the relationship stood next to no chance to improve (it would have been something he would have had to do: therapy for the commitment phobia), I, at least, gave him the decency of explaining why I couldn't be in the relationship as it was. I was kind, -perhaps, too kind- but I was straight-up, considerate enough to offer to answer any questions he might have had, and damned nice about the whole thing, considering it was me who was crushed over it, -and not him. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Jen jen, unless he gives you the answers yourself, I don't think you're ever going to get the answers you want to hear. LK, why do you think he would give a straight answer about why he broke up with J_J_HB? He's already got a track record of being deceitful. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 If someone is going to break someone else's heart, why wouldn't they feel like they owe them the truth? I guess for any or all of the reasons already mentioned - cowardice, selfishness, desire to move on, a misplaced desire to protect the other person's feelings. And sometimes, they just dump on a gut feeling - they themselves can't explain why they don't love you. Maybe our society's obsession with the feelings and fantasy of romantic love, as opposed to the day-to-day reality of commitment? I've never dumped someone without explaining the truth of my reasons why. Good for you. And Rio and Witabix. I think this is the civilised way to behave. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 LK, why do you think he would give a straight answer about why he broke up with J_J_HB? He's already got a track record of being deceitful. Yeah, he's a catch This brings us to another point - why would you want to be with someone who behaves like this, Jen? Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Honestly , I've been the dumper before and I find that telling people whay just leads to a "well so ..., this is whats wrong with you argument". Many times I've found people don't really want to know the truth of why you don't want to be with them but would instead see themselves as a victim of your callouness. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Many times I've found people don't really want to know the truth of why you don't want to be with them but would instead see themselves as a victim of your callouness. I agree TINK....or, they would prefer to make up their own excuse or justification of why you don't want to be with them. Link to post Share on other sites
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