Why Don't Dumpers Explain Their Reasons?

[blind_otter]

Yeah that was another thing. I amnot one of those who is willing to sacrifice everything in order to be right.

 

I'm totally willing to be the bad guy and take the blame in order to end a relationship.

 

IMO it helps the other person get over you by being bale to demonize you and play vicitm in their heads. I'll be the bitch. It's ok.

[KittenMoon]

Honestly , I've been the dumper before and I find that telling people whay just leads to a "well so ..., this is whats wrong with you argument". Many times I've found people don't really want to know the truth of why you don't want to be with them but would instead see themselves as a victim of your callouness.

 

So this makes me curious, and returns to the original question of this thread: What are some real-life reasons why you've dumped someone? Are they specific (like they lie to you all the time) or circumstantial (like you just don't love them anymore?).

[magda]

Sometimes it's just a matter of being sure you can do better for yourself. Once little things start to pile up and irritate, the "love" doesn't look so strong anymore.

[alphamale]

What are some real-life reasons why you've dumped someone? Are they specific (like they lie to you all the time) or circumstantial (like you just don't love them anymore?).

for me usually it is the women start to get too clingy and want me around 24/7, blah blah. i like my independence and usually only want to see the bitch once or twice per week (yes, even after dating for a year). women hate this but its the way I am. I like my freedom and being single. i don't want some damn female on my ass all the time. Hell, I have even had the opportunity to live with women and i've turned it down every time.

 

oh, and i once dumped a chick cause she had skanky feet

[KittenMoon]

oh, and i once dumped a chick cause she had skanky feet

 

Skanky? Like they were all over guy's junk? Or stanky? Like they smelled like old cheese? :lmao:

[iam_happy]

all of you whoever is going through "broken heart ' period... will rise up. I was so down during the broke up. Just few months back. It was a very painful break up and it was ended badly. But i really move on and.... now , my life is so much better. I have much time for taking care my self , I can do many things that I never done before when i was with him.

 

not only that, I got a better offer in my carrier , promoted ... in brief, i can say my life is happier without him.

 

I said so , not to make my self comfortable or whatsoever. But it is the fact. Because i know if i am with him and continue marriying him, my life will be so mundane and i will regret it.

 

In fact, there are many things in life that are stored for us. Good things of course. It just that sometimes we are so caught up in our past and forget to look forward.

 

I do believe that a Disappointment can be turned as an appointment. Your stumbling block may become a stepping stone. Sometimes in life things that seem to be the end is really a new beginning.

 

I find that my self become so much more positive towards life and i dont bother to think abt him or pondering whether he is thinking abt me, whether he feels guilty or whatsoever. I am happy with my life. I thanked God for saved me from him. So , Think abt many things that you want to achieve, focuz on that , set your goal .. and believe me ,.... somewhere along the line, when u dont even bother abt your love life,.. you will meet up someone who is so much better that your ex. And you realized that u have wasted so much time for something thats not even worth it.

 

all you who is being dumped.. rise up... ! there are a lot of things await you!

you are what you think. if you think the memory of your ex is crappy then dont think abt it. move on for dumpee is not as difficult as what u think when u start moving.

[Twink]

I was living with a man for 9 months, involved him into my childs life. Easter night came home and he lefted took everything. My son heart broken, myself heart broken, I got a text saying I will explain tomorrow. I could not understand why. He called the next day, said I am not happy no more, call you later, but I do love you. Well called the next day he answered and said there is nothing to talk about, it will never work out. So here for a week I am crying upset sick all of it. I found some of his things he left, so I went to return them, he has been staying at his parents, his parents are very nice to me

This how it went

went to parents house to give him his things he left at my house. He was a sleep, his sweet mother offered me to come in. I told her no that I was not there to cause any problems just wanted to return his things. His father asked me to come in, he told me he was going to wake him up. I stayed out side and talked with his mother, she asked if he had talked to me I told her no, she said give him some time, because he told he we was going to talk to me. She asked how I was doing I told her not good. She told me to give it time hang in there, and she knows with out a doubt he is not with anyone. So here he comes, I asked him if we could talk. He told me he left because he was feeling angry and irritated all the time, I told him that I have looked deep down inside myself and saw that I was feeling the same way, but I knew why I was feeling that way and it had nothing to do with him. I asked him why he was feeling that way, he said he could not answer that question. I told him my son is very hurt and wants him to come back, he said to tell my son he will see him this week. I did not say anything. We talked about how he has a lot of plans for the future and wanted me to be a part of that, but things were getting really bad, and he made this decision whether it is a good decision or bad one he made it. I told him I loved him, he said he still loves me that is why he is staying away from me because it is helping him get over me. He gave me a huge and told me he will see me around and he loves me.

 

I am so confused, if some one loves you why would they just turn there back on you but in the same breathe say I love you. I told him I know I have been hard to live with the past month or so, but I can recognize it and try not to take it out on those closest to me. I told him sometimes you don't know what you have until you lose it.

 

His mother just tells me to give it time. I asked him what he wants me to do with his easter stuff, he told me to take it back.

 

I felt a little better about talking to him about things. But at the same time I still love him so much. He told me he doesn't need me he wants me. What the hell does that mean?

 

I guess the talk helped, it is going to be so hard to get over him. I told him it will not kill me though. RIGHT? I am still just so crushed! But I had to confront him, I was not going to allow him not to talk to me about things.

[tinktronik]

So this makes me curious, and returns to the original question of this thread: What are some real-life reasons why you've dumped someone? Are they specific (like they lie to you all the time) or circumstantial (like you just don't love them anymore?).

 

 

People become attached to presence, many times people are together more out of "used to " than love or respect, I know I've stayed in relationships simply b/c they were farmiliar.

At the end of some relationships , I've realized that while I may care for someone or love them , I do not want to spend the rest of my life in a relationship with them , It's simply not long term what I want for myself, and why lead someone on to think there is more when theres not , thus the "I love you but don't want to be with you anymore". But then how would you know wether you did want the relationship unless you gave it time to see?

Sometimes getting to know a person is like unwrapping a package slowly, you get seven layers deep and you don't like , or aren't looking for what you find there ,but it took seven layers to realize this.

I've dumped people for not being what I wanted for myself. For being more clingy than I need , or too judgemental, or lying, or having a lifestyle I'm not interested in sharing, the spark is not sustainable, you find you are simply not as compatible as you once thought.

We all know as a dumper , you want out of a relationship, (there's nothing wrong with that)many times people try to draw it out or get angry ,I realize that its simply hurt talking most of the time ,but is it really the dumpers duty to take on the hurt and would it do any good for the dumpee for them to do so?

[KittenMoon]

We all know as a dumper , you want out of a relationship, (there's nothing wrong with that)many times people try to draw it out or get angry ,I realize that its simply hurt talking most of the time ,but is it really the dumpers duty to take on the hurt and would it do any good for the dumpee for them to do so?

 

Forget the rhetorical questions- they obviously don't do much good at this point for any of the dumpees here.

 

But I think it would do good to really delve into the specific reasons. So maybe some of us can take a look at those answers and get some perspective on what failed in their relationships.

 

Like, I once dumped a guy in high school because he was clingy and called me way too much. If he hadn't been so clingy, we would have dated longer. How much was too much? Every damn night, for an hour, long distance. (and he wasn't particularly interesting to talk to)

[SmoochieFace]

Like, I once dumped a guy in high school because he was clingy and called me way too much. If he hadn't been so clingy, we would have dated longer. How much was too much? Every damn night, for an hour, long distance. (and he wasn't particularly interesting to talk to)

 

So calling you every night was *too clingy*? Hmmm...

 

Just curious... what would have been your idea of *not clingy*?

[KittenMoon]

So calling you every night was *too clingy*? Hmmm...

 

Just curious... what would have been your idea of *not clingy*?

 

Not clingy?

 

A guy who called me every night for hours and I had stronger feelings for, which obviously I didn't have because his phone calls began to bug me.

 

Thusly- the dating ended.

 

However, this is pretty cut and dry as we only dated briefly. I think people would prefer perspective on more LTRs.

 

Is that good enough, SF? Care to share a reason YOU'VE dumped someone?

[SmoochieFace]

Care to share a reason YOU'VE dumped someone?

 

I have never dumped anyone.

[blind_otter]

Now that you mention it, I've never dumped someone for circumstantial reasons. Always specific s***.

[alphamale]

Now that you mention it, I've never dumped someone for circumstantial reasons. Always specific s***.

Since I do the dumping 80% of the time its really not an issue for me. I usually never give the broads any specific reason. I usually split due to boredom or excessive clingyness or neediness or their part.

 

If and when I do get dumped (which has happened )....I really don't want to know why and I never ask.

[serial muse]

So this makes me curious, and returns to the original question of this thread: What are some real-life reasons why you've dumped someone? Are they specific (like they lie to you all the time) or circumstantial (like you just don't love them anymore?).

 

This is eeenterestink. You know, whenever I've been the dumper, it's always been circumstantial - I just didn't love them anymore (or I never got to that point, and knew I wasn't going to). And I've tried to be honest about that. In those cases I also feel (unreasonable?) guilt so yeah, I'm willing to assume the blame if they need to put it somewhere. Generally, though, it hasn't happened that way; there hasn't been an awful scene, just a sad one.

 

I don't think I break up with people over specific issues (cheating aside). I tend to think that, as long as there's still love there, it's worth trying to work through. Naive I guess. Love is not always enough, blah blah, shmah shmah. But that's my M.O. Love conquers all. Of course, I'd like to think my love is based on specific things...but I guess it also means I'll overlook some fluttering red flags for as long as I can.

 

In my gut, I feel like the only real dealbreaker I have in a relationship is if I just know I don't really love the person (again, cheating aside, cause that's a whole 'nother issue). To me, that has to do with feeling like we "get" each other. When I don't feel that way, I get tired of laboriously trying to communicate and trying to match up with the person and I just know I have to GET OUT.

[burning 4 revenge]

Since I do the dumping 80% of the time its really not an issue for me. I usually never give the broads any specific reason. I usually split due to boredom or excessive clingyness or neediness or their part.

 

If and when I do get dumped (which has happened )....I really don't want to know why and I never ask.

 

I love the word 'broads'. Alpha, come clean, aren't you really Paulie Walnuts?

[blind_otter]

This is eeenterestink. You know, whenever I've been the dumper, it's always been circumstantial - I just didn't love them anymore (or I never got to that point, and knew I wasn't going to). And I've tried to be honest about that. In those cases I also feel (unreasonable?) guilt so yeah, I'm willing to assume the blame if they need to put it somewhere. Generally, though, it hasn't happened that way; there hasn't been an awful scene, just a sad one.

 

I don't think I break up with people over specific issues (cheating aside). I tend to think that, as long as there's still love there, it's worth trying to work through. Naive I guess. Love is not always enough, blah blah, shmah shmah. But that's my M.O. Love conquers all. Of course, I'd like to think my love is based on specific things...but I guess it also means I'll overlook some fluttering red flags for as long as I can.

 

In my gut, I feel like the only real dealbreaker I have in a relationship is if I just know I don't really love the person (again, cheating aside, cause that's a whole 'nother issue). To me, that has to do with feeling like we "get" each other. When I don't feel that way, I get tired of laboriously trying to communicate and trying to match up with the person and I just know I have to GET OUT.

 

 

Hah! This IS interesting....I tend to deal with a lot of crap, even physical abuse, and I feel almost compelled to have a specific, concrete reason, otherwise I cannot leave that person. Weird.

 

Someone should do a doctoral thesis about reasons of breakups.

[KittenMoon]

Someone should do a doctoral thesis about reasons of breakups.

 

It would be even better to examine the major reasons of break-ups (loss of spark, cheating, abuse) against relationships that eventually reconcile and then examine that against the subsequent longevity of those relationships.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Yeah, he's a catch

 

This brings us to another point - why would you want to be with someone who behaves like this, Jen?

 

Because, unfortunately for me, I fell deeply in love with him. Your heart feels what it does, regardless of what your head tells you is good/bad for you.

 

And now I am still haunted by all the contradictions and mystery of why.

[RecordProducer]

Now that you mention it, I've never dumped someone for circumstantial reasons. Always specific s***.

I've never dumped anyone I was in love with (at the time of the break-up).

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I've never dumped anyone I was in love with (at the time of the break-up).

 

Neither have I. Which leads me to my next question... Why would someone say "I love you" to the person they are dumping, while they are dumping them?

[clynn]

I think you would say "I love you" if you meant it. He loved you, he just couldn't go out with you anymore.

 

I think, in your situation jen_jen...it really is a case of "It is not you, it is me".

 

I think the guy you were with just freaked out.

 

Some people just aren't interested in being in a relationsip long term, even if they THINK they want that...they really can't do what needs to be done to make it happen.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Because, unfortunately for me, I fell deeply in love with him.

 

:(

 

 

Your heart feels what it does, regardless of what your head tells you is good/bad for you.

 

Hmm, in the longer term I think the traffic goes both ways...

 

 

And now I am still haunted by all the contradictions and mystery of why.

 

((((((Jen jen))))))

[Mz. Pixie]

In reality, Jen, he gave you the answer when he dumped you. He didn't want to be with you. It doesn't mean he didn't enjoy his time with you or that you're a bad person, it's just that apparently he thought you weren't the one for him, regardless of what he SAID.

 

Some guys have a hard time actually speaking the truth to a girl. They are afraid they are going to cry and get all dramatic on them, and they really don't want to go through that so they avoid it if they can.

 

Actions speak louder than words and his actions in not calling you when you were sick, etc speak volumes.

[blind_otter]

Neither have I. Which leads me to my next question... Why would someone say "I love you" to the person they are dumping, while they are dumping them?

 

I have always felt that LOVE is not a good enough reason to stay with someone.

 

Some people, when they are together, simply do not bring out the best in each other for whatever reason. Usually baggage from their pasts.

 

IMO relationships require a lot more than love. Compatibility, committment, shared values, goals, needs, the ability to understand the communication style. External components, like shared interests in hobbies, and extended family support.

 

I know a lot of people idolize "love" like it's this magical thing that can conquer all and stuff. I don't, though.

 

Sometimes, love just ain't enough.