He says I don't completly trust him

[scammy]

ok here's the 411 my bf has not asked me to marry him outright.

He has told me that when I come to visit him when the semester is over that we have to sit and talk. He has just graduated from school and is working in another state. He went to the bank the first week he was there and set up a financial plan to pay off his debt and buy a house. He told me last Friday that he will be able to buy a house in three years. I am still in school and I have children who live with thier father. He told my oldest daughter (13 years) the week before he left (three weeks ago) his plans were to buy a house and bring us there and marry me. Ok so I am sure you are asking Whats the problem? besides the custody suit across state line:confused: Well I am not sure exactly but the subject of this planned talk came up because we were talking about a friends relationship going bad, and somehow we came upon the subject of trust. He said his friend did not trust her boyfriend. I commented that must be hard for her and that I could not imagine not be able to trust him. I commented that he was probably the only person I do trust. His comment was, "You don't really completely trust me. He said something to the effect that I hide alot from him about my feelings. With that said I then decided to actually tell him something and said "Well let me tell you this" He then accused me of trying to rile him up before bed (sleep is a touchy thing with him), anyways I interjected and told him to hear me out. I admitted to him that when he said, "We will go to dinner and talk" a wave of fear came over me.

I told him I am always afraid of having the rug pulled out from under me whether it is in my personal, buisness or academic life. I don't tell him how I feel really because I don't want him to know how much I miss him. I feel guilty because I want to be with him and "would follow him to the end of the earth" (as my friend said sarcastically--my friend is a ex and I think jealous but it has a hint of truth) tonight he was very agitated and said I am making plans for my future and you are part of that plan. I don't even know if there is problem I just would like some feedback.

[Curmudgeon]

Without complete trust, any relationshp is difficult. Even after being married 10 years and being friends for five years before that, my wife still doesn't completely trust my commitment to her and our marriage because she has huge abandonment and trust issues from her past. It can decidedly be troublesome even though I've never given her any reason to distrust me whatsoever, nor would I.

[aleatoryd]

Love the Avatar scammy - one cool kitty!

 

I think the trust issue may require talking - not counselling but some way to get any bad feelings out in the open. Don't make too big an issue out of it. It's hard when we naturally want to hide feelings and protect ourselves. I don't think there's a problem - you love each other and he is planning for you. Explain that there is a difference between trusting a person and burdening them.

 

I'd like to hope that whoever I meet and marry nothing will be off bounds but that's the ideal it's not realistic. We are human and intimacy exists at different levels and different forms in each of us. Sadly we all over analyses and complicate our lives! It's unavoidable human nature and there is no quick fix - just try and draw closer to him and eventually he'll realise that there isn't a problem. Don't let either of you make a mountain out of a molehill! Good luck and take care.