Guest Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 I have a g/f of quite some time now, the past year we have been on the other side of the world....and seen each othe ronly a few times. the pas year has seen its good times and bad times. IT was really rough for a while..but recently has been really good....probably because it is almost over. Anyways I had a married woman throw herself (she also is away from husband) at me and let it go too far...no sex....kissing/ groping. She tried to have sex with me...but for whatever reason I got my conscious back and said no....and ended it. I am not sure if I am thinking this to justify it to myself...but I am a very naive person....and did not realize what was happening until it was already happening...in my mind i did not believe this could happen...why would a married woman throw herself at me. Regardless it happened...I feel like complete $#%*. I never thought I would be that guy, but I am. Oddly enough it has made me want to be with my g/f even more. I was having doubts on whether or not she was the right one, but now I know she is and I want to marry her. I even appreciate her more now. Is this possible? I really want to tell her and get it off of my chest, but feel like it will do more harm than good. She does not need to hurt over something like this that means nothing, i feel so bad I could never do this again (it hurts so bad part of me feels like inflicting pain on myself will make it go away) there is no way that I would ever want to feel like this again. So in short is it wrong for me to keep this from my g/f? Or does she need to know? Please somebody help. Any and all advice is welcome Link to post Share on other sites
amblin Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Er, like I say to all people who contemplate holding the truth back from their SOs... Tell her. Respect her right to know. She deserves it. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 We all make mistakes.Yes you were wrong but the important thing is you stopped and for all the right reasons. If you tell her it will unburden you but will it help her? I don't like lying to anyone but considering your remorse and resolve to her I think you can be true to her from now on.Suck it up and never stray again. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 If the situation were reversed and she had strayed, would you be cool with her feeling bad and never doing it again? Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I think you should tell her exactly what you told us, and before you start, tell her that she may not initially like what you're about to say, but ask her to try not to react or say anything until you've finished. The news of your cheating is probably going to upset her at least initially, but if she forgives you, you know that she chose to be with you and your relationship is real not based on a lie. Of course I believe that relationships can't last when one partner is hiding something like this, because it will create a rift in the relationship and leave no way to actually deal with the issue causing the rift, where telling the truth will allow you to confront the issue and possibly come closer together. But there are people who say you should keep this kind of thing to yourself, because it'll only hurt the other person just to relieve you of your guilt. I don't agree with that, and I think it's cowardly and deceptive. That's just my opinion though, and it's one way you could handle this. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 If you're feeling this horrible about it, it will probably cause distance in the relationship. Have you ever tried to not tell your SO something. It ends up being the only thing on your mind. It takes on its own life. You try to get it out of your head, stay in the moment, but the more you try not to think about it.... the more it's all you can think of. She asks what your thinking, and you can't say it so you scramble for something else, anything... and she knows theres something going on, but she'll start to think it her. Something she's doing. It's a bad road to take. I guess the way I look at is if you can accept your actions for what they were, and move past it now, then you probably don't need to inflict pain on your SO. But it sounds like you're going to need time to come to grips with what you did. Until then, you're going to be projecting this onto others. Through your actions and thoughts. She'll realize something is wrong, but won't know what. You'll always worry she'll figure it out. Then you'll feel guilty she didn't figure it out. Then you'll have to wrok through the guilt again.... Causing a bigger rift in the relationship. I'd advise telling her and taking your licks like a man. You'll have to work for years to rebuild that trust if she will allow it. But if you are honest with both her and yourself, then it can be worked through. But don't expect results in a matter of months. Realize it'll take years of hard work to over come this. If you aren't willing to put in more effort then you ever have for the next 3, 5, 10 years, then just admit your mistake and end the relationship now. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Walk is so right here. You'll feel bad, it will wear on you, you will start to resent her because you feel bad, you'll end up lashing out and breaking up anyway. It's probably not meant to be or you wouldn't have cheated. Best to take the bandaid approach. Link to post Share on other sites
Delectable Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Yay Walk! Yeah what walk says... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 That sounds like something my boyfriend might say. We're in a long distance relationship & this sounds like what has been going on in my mind & sounds like something he would say..Hm. Wierd. What's ur first name? haha. nah I'm j/k. I have a g/f of quite some time now, the past year we have been on the other side of the world....and seen each othe ronly a few times. the pas year has seen its good times and bad times. IT was really rough for a while..but recently has been really good....probably because it is almost over. Anyways I had a married woman throw herself (she also is away from husband) at me and let it go too far...no sex....kissing/ groping. She tried to have sex with me...but for whatever reason I got my conscious back and said no....and ended it. I am not sure if I am thinking this to justify it to myself...but I am a very naive person....and did not realize what was happening until it was already happening...in my mind i did not believe this could happen...why would a married woman throw herself at me. Regardless it happened...I feel like complete $#%*. I never thought I would be that guy, but I am. Oddly enough it has made me want to be with my g/f even more. I was having doubts on whether or not she was the right one, but now I know she is and I want to marry her. I even appreciate her more now. Is this possible? I really want to tell her and get it off of my chest, but feel like it will do more harm than good. She does not need to hurt over something like this that means nothing, i feel so bad I could never do this again (it hurts so bad part of me feels like inflicting pain on myself will make it go away) there is no way that I would ever want to feel like this again. So in short is it wrong for me to keep this from my g/f? Or does she need to know? Please somebody help. Any and all advice is welcome Link to post Share on other sites
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