My girlfriend relapsed!

[208PUA]

OK I have a pretty complicated situation with my girlfriend. We met quite a few years ago, (want to say 5-6) she was one of my sisters best friends, and me and her became real good friends as well. Then suddenly one day she just vanished, and we didnt see her for a good 3-4 years after that. She resurfaced a few months ago thanks to Myspace. Well we finally found out what had happened. Basically her mother had been forcing her to smoke crystal meth, then her mom got busted an she had to go to rehab. Basically her mother signed her over to the state and she was in foster care ever since. She really had her life turned around, she was clean for 4 years, shes a counselor for foster kids with chemical dependency issues, She also earned a full ride scholarship to seek a degree in the same field.

 

Well basically we started spending some time together and both found out that we used to have some feelings for each other, and these feelings came back very naturally for both of us. Now I am a very anti drug kind of person, hell I dont even like taking aspirin, so I normally wouldnt have to do anything with anyone who has done drugs, but this was different. Things were going really great, until recenty....she relapsed. I dont know how or why or where she got it but she relapsed. Now she is back in rehab again after 4 years of sobriety. I'm not allowed to see her, I cant even talk to her on the phone until shes out, which who knows how long that might take.

 

It's really got me thinking hard about the whole situation. One side of me is going (omg shes using, I cant have anything to do with this, because its just going to keep happening). But the other part of me is thinking (This girl was handed a bad hand from the start, it wasnt her choice to use it to begin with, and I'd just be giving up on her like everyone else in her life.

 

When she gets out of rehab and if she still wants to be with me, I'm gonna give her an ultimatem: Either sever all ties with your junkie past, dont talk to former hook ups, dont hang around people who have or are using, or I'm gone. She's only getting one chance.

 

I love her very much, and it would hurt me alot to leave her and I don't want to, but I dont know. What do yall think?

[1Gravity]

It's very, very tough to get over crystal meth. I'd be her friend but look elsewhere for LTR. If she gets clean, she'll take some time (years) to deal with her familial issues. Do you really need that?

[blind_otter]

In AA they suggest a year of being single to maintain your sobriety. Because relationships can cause emotional stress that can drive an addict back to using.

 

I agree with the above. You should totally be there for her to be her friend, but I wouldn't be involved with her.

 

I've been sober for almost 5 months now, from alcohol and cocaine mainly. But IME those who had longterm meth issues have a really really hard time with sobriety because of the way meth permanently damages the brain's ability to respond to normal levels of excitement and happiness.