rnrnightmare Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Ok, this is my first post here and it looks like everyone is helpful. Now if you'll allow me, I would like to ask for some insight and advice. I am a 23 yr old guy who is extremely confused. I have been in a situation for the last 8 mos or so where there is a co worker that i know has expressed her interest in me, said she liked me, all she would want to do is kiss me and the like. I like her a lot too. So we both know how we feel about each other. We both know going out with coworker can be bad, but it doesnt bother me as much as it does her. She has mentioned that if we werent coworkers things would be different regarding the status of her and i. Heres the kicker she has a boyfriend of about 3 yrs or so. Her boyfriend treats her like crap, according to her and all of her friends but shes still with him. However, she doesn't seem to mind mentioning to me how much i make her happy and smile and all that hallmark card stuff. Anyway, i just took things day by day, we would just talk at work when we would see each other which is about 2 or 3 days a week and online whenever we were both there. This was going on for about 6 mos. I finally got up the nerve to ask her if she wanted to hang out with some mutual friends, out of respect for the relationship she has with her boyfriend i avoided any out of work experiences for risk of making it feel like a date. She obliged to hang out with our mutual friends. We had an absolute blast, then came the ride home. She was all over me on the way home, constantly asking what i was thinkin about and what was on my mind. I swear i wanted to tell her everything but i held back as i had about 4 pairs of eyes watching me as she was over me. To me that was a big step forward, the ride home that is. Things gradually got better, she started calling/txt messaging me on regular basis. A few weeks ago she came over my house (It was her idea) and we watched a movie together, and again she was all over me and we ultimately kissed. Again asking what i thought of her, this time i told her how i felt, that i cared for a whole lot, felt a bond with her that i havent felt with someone in a long time, but i told her that i had to walk a fine line because she's still with her boyfriend. Now this was about a week or two ago and ever since, she has been acting weird, it feels as if shes blowing me off, i call her but we only talk for maybe 2 min at a time I dont know if shes distancing herself from me because she really put herself on the line and is now backing off. I don't know what caused all of this. I just don't understand how you can have feelings so strong for almost 10 mos and just turn it off. I know she cares for me, as thats what she has said, but at the same time, was she just using me for attention that she wasnt with getting with her boyfriend? Any help and insight would be appreciated. I apologize for the length. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
konfuzd Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Beware of the girl who goes behind her boyfriend's back to express interest in you. How can you take anything she says or does at face value when she's betraying someone just to put herself in that position? Even if she leaves her bf to be with you, you will never know with 100% certainty that she will not just do the same thing to you. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperMonk Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 I noticed that people who post long winded posts usually have vague short titles which have little reference to the actual post. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 rnrnightmare, you sound like a real good guy with a big heart. And you're smart! By not letting things go too far either. Sadly, I have to say though, once you told her that you liked her, and you two kissed, I think it either freaked her out (became TOO real, rather than just fantasy, fun and flirting) as she reallized you really DO like her. It could be that she liked the attention, and needed it because her boyfriend isn't meeting her needs. You are going to be even more hurt if you continue chasing her. She isn't available. Try your best to keep conversations short at work and outside of work, don't keep intouch. IF she does like you, time is on your side. She isn't going dump him and jump into your arms...And I don't think that is fair to you even if that were to happen. PS Ignore Supermonk's post. He has a real knack for making useless and unhelpful comments on people's threads. Good luck kiddo and post back with an update. Keep busy and try to put her out of your mind for now! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 I think it's a good thing for you that she's backed off. She was bringing complications you don't need. It's very likely that she'd rediscover her love for her boyfriend after getting involved with you. I'm sure that the reason you think her boyfriend is a jerk is because she told you that. Don't take that for granted. I wouldn't be surprised to find out he's actually a really good guy, and she's the one with the problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 rnrnightmare, you sound like a real good guy with a big heart. And you're smart! By not letting things go too far either. Sadly, I have to say though, once you told her that you liked her, and you two kissed, I think it either freaked her out (became TOO real, rather than just fantasy, fun and flirting) as she reallized you really DO like her. It could be that she liked the attention, and needed it because her boyfriend isn't meeting her needs. You are going to be even more hurt if you continue chasing her. She isn't available. Try your best to keep conversations short at work and outside of work, don't keep intouch. IF she does like you, time is on your side. She isn't going dump him and jump into your arms...And I don't think that is fair to you even if that were to happen. PS Ignore Supermonk's post. He has a real knack for making useless and unhelpful comments on people's threads. Good luck kiddo and post back with an update. Keep busy and try to put her out of your mind for now! I strongly agree with this post. Even if a week later she starts * warming * up to you again. ...Be warned. Don't even go there. She is messing with your head. Light contact and then gradually none ....is on the menu Link to post Share on other sites
aleatoryd Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 It comes down to you OR the boyfriend. If she stays with him then you know it was nothing serious. Sure you are fun and she knows you care for her but she obviously is with her b/f for some reason. You have been a good substitute for fun/affection and that stuff. She probably likes you but now she knows you really like her she's realised things have gone too far and is cooling off. Girls like attention but if they don't think you are b/f material they like to string you along. Back off and see what happens. If she dumps her b/f then comes running back to you all very well (so long as you trust a girl who may do the same to you one day). I suspect however she won't. Fantasy is fun until it becomes too real then people "wake up" and put an end to situations much like she is doing to you. Until she is available cool your jets and think things through logically. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 you're wasting your time. you should have no contact with her except as is absolutely necessary for work. she's (a) not available, and (b) not that interested in you (contrary to what she might say). Link to post Share on other sites
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