More Than a F*** Buddy?

[brownshugahc]

Ok, so this is my first thread, and normally I don't get myself into these types of situations but lately, I am really into this guy.

 

Ok, so me and this guy first started talking about 8 months ago. We got to know each other rather well, and went on dates and just enjoyed each other's company. One night we have a few drinks, become intimate and it was nice. (actually it was EXCELLENT)...ok, so we continue talking often, but then I discovered he had a girlfriend of 7 months already! So of course I decided to stop talking to him (however it was rather difficult because he and I connected so well!!) But I'm like Heck naw I'm not gonna get played like that!!...(cause I don't do the homewrecker role!!)...

 

So then months go by, and I had a boyfriend, but then me and that boyfriend broke up, so then it was back to this previous guy. and ironically a month after me and my boyfriend broke up...this previous guy and his girlfriend broke up (after they hit a year)...so then me and this previous guy started talking again...we have become intimate again, and I have started liking him again. I don't want to play that dumb girl role and say "oh this guy will eventually fall for me, because I've been in the picture for 8 months!"....but it's becoming so hard to ignore feelings for him because he and I have such great sex, (and he tells me that all the time...we do it just enough to fiend for it without getting sick of it)...but beyond that, he and I just have fun in each other's company. I'm actually okay with not wanting to have a boyfriend right now since I just got out of a relationship (or is that me justifying him not wanting a relationship, and me just agreeing that that's what I want too??) I know that he was unfaithful to his girlfriend, so what makes me so special he wouldn't cheat on me too??...ya know??--and like every girl we always think we're the different one to change a guy or make one faithful...but I know that's not always true---but who knows...maybe I am the girl. So maybe I should just stick wit it---or no??

 

I mean I already know the answers I'm about to get in response to my dumb dumb dumb question here...but "Is it possible for a man to want a relationship with you after you've been a "F*** buddy?" I mean I know that there's an exception to EVERY situation--like people who get married in a week of getting together...or people staying married for 80 years after being lovers ONLY...but I guess my question is...given MY situation...how likely is it this dude will actually eliminate the label of lovers and move forward with me?? I'm in no hurry to do this with him because I'm so scared that he will cheat on me too if I ever did fall for him ONE DAY...but right now, I think I just want someone to tell me "It'll be ok, this happens often, and as long as you dont pressure him...things might work to your advantage...but since you two ARE just lovers right now, try not to push feelings" LOL Can someone out there tell me those exact words?!?! haha! It'll ease my mind a little.

 

P.S. --- did I mention that this guy read in my journal that I like him??...(how elementary for a college student to carry a journal, but oh well LOL)...I was SOOO embarrassed but funny thing is it didn't really phase him...he was trying to put up SUCH a front that he didn't get all gooey inside reading that, but I know he did...he flat out said "well hey if you like me than you like me, no biggie"...but anyway...I guess my biggest question besides can two people really progress after being F*** buddies for a long time...is also I know girls fall quicker so how do I keep my distance and resist the urge to send text messages and make phone calls just to be all mooshy with him?? I dont want to do that because I want to be gentle with his emotions...WHAT DO I DO?!?!? I'm in such a pickle! lol

[Lishy]

ok, so we continue talking often, but then I discovered he had a girlfriend of 7 months already!

 

Nice guy! Do you really want this kind of boyfriend honey?

 

we have become intimate again, and I have started liking him again. I don't want to play that dumb girl role and say "oh this guy will eventually fall for me, because I've been in the picture for 8 months!"

 

Well if you dont want to be that girl then you should not carry on letting him use you for sex! You are far too good for that!

 

I'm actually okay with not wanting to have a boyfriend right now since I just got out of a relationship (or is that me justifying him not wanting a relationship, and me just agreeing that that's what I want too??)

 

 

Been there and done that and you are just trying to convince yourself that you do not want him as your boyfriend because that validates why you continue to let him have his sex and stops you feeling bad!

 

 

I know that he was unfaithful to his girlfriend, so what makes me so special he wouldn't cheat on me too??...ya know??--and like every girl we always think we're the different one to change a guy or make one faithful...but I know that's not always true---but who knows...maybe I am the girl. So maybe I should just stick wit it---or no??

 

Errr .. no!

 

"Is it possible for a man to want a relationship with you after you've been a "F*** buddy?"

 

ANYTHING is possible - Highly unlikely, but possible - The thing is that if he wanted more then he would let you know! Has he ever hinted that he wants to be your exclusive boyfriend?

 

but right now, I think I just want someone to tell me "It'll be ok, this happens often, and as long as you dont pressure him...things might work to your advantage...but since you two ARE just lovers right now, try not to push feelings"

 

 

You are f*** buddies! Accept that and ask yourself if you are happy in that role? I KNOW I wasnt! It was awful and it took me a year to actually TELL Him not to contact me anymore! I would make excuses constantly and always tell myself that I was happy just having sex as we connected so well, and its hard to meet someone you connect with like that!

 

 

"well hey if you like me than you like me, no biggie".

 

Would a guy who wanted to date you say that? Would he not say "Hey babe I liek you too, lets make this more permanent"

 

 

I know girls fall quicker so how do I keep my distance and resist the urge to send text messages and make phone calls just to be all mooshy with him?? I dont want to do that because I want to be gentle with his emotions...WHAT DO I DO?!?!? I'm in such a pickle! lol

 

 

 

WHOA!!!!!!!! WHy do you feel the need to be gentle with his emotions? He is getting free sex from a hot babe! He is so lucky and he knows it. He has you when he wants with no strings and no need to explain where he has been or who with. He cums, Oh I mean comes, and goes when he fancies and he is free to do what he wants with no thought of you!

 

To stop calling him TAKE HIS NUMBER OUT OF YOUR PHONE! Its easy lol

 

Trust me honey I have been there for a year (read my posts they make me cringe when I read them back now) I hate how I let that happen! I hate myself and it left me with a feeling that all I good for is to have sex with. I dont even feel I am worth being taken out for a meal!

 

I was full of self worth before I met him and (on my terms) started a FWB with him! The sex was mediocre but I got such a safe feeling with him and it was addictive. We would lay and cuddle and laugh and chat for hours - How could he NOT feel that connection? I still dont know the answer to that but he didn't! If he had would would be together now!

 

His loss!

 

My advice is NOT what you want to hear but I am going to tell you that the only way you will find out what he wants is to break all contact with him and let him see how life is without you in it! Then when he contacts you again, tell him that FWB is not good enough for you anymore and see what he says!

 

Keep us updated and good luck!

 

[brownshugahc]

That was a wonderful response...and very helpful!!

 

The thing is...the sex with him is the best I've ever had...and I haven't convinced myself of that because I like him...he really is talented orally, is WELL equipped in size and girth...plus he's cute....everything but his mind-set is perfect for the bed room which is what makes him so addictive. With sex like that my body begins to fiend for him. I begin to want his constant attention and more sexual contact.

 

And yeah, you're totally right. i know his kind...goes and comes as he pleases. He has made it clear that we're cool as friends, but that he has told me EVERYTIME I ASK him if he's just in it for the booty..or what?...but he's explained everytime that he doesn't think of us as "just sex"...the thing is...we once were "talking" with the intent of "hooking up"...but he was still in a situation he was trying to break off, well I removed myself from the picture completely and once I did that I was able to see better and he started to want my friendship and closeness again....constantly apologizing for hurting me....

 

What I REALLY and TRULY feel is wrong with him is that he's got such a big penis he doesn't know how to handle that...he's really not out there sticking it in everything that walks...however, I do get nervous that he might if he and I got together one day down the road and he were to feel disinterested sexually and screw around on me...

 

I really don't want to be his girlfriend...I'd only be his girl if he got his act together and proved himself worthy...but my thing is...how do I not attach my feelings to him?? I still want to sleep with him...why?? well because it feels incredible lol...but beyond that I see something in him that he just cant see, and I just wanna stay in the picture long enough to bring that out of him...but then again I'm like weeeeelllllllllll what if he NEVER understands?? But ok...so I guess I SHOULD eliminate myself from the situation huh? Then see what he starts to feel if I eliminate the sex all together huh?? That's such a great idea...and I wish his sex was just "middle class" so I wasn't so Dick-ma-tized lol. I even called him today (and I felt weird doing that)...but he's like "dont beat around the bush, cause if you want 'some' let me know..its ok" and really I'm like wow? is it that simple with you lol....and if I start to question him he gets offended like 'damn why wont you trust me?'...but really I just get impatient when he doesn't call like 5 seconds after we've done it...but LOL I already know that's unrealistic because the statement "I'll call you tomorrow/later" from a guy normally means..."I'll call u like 4 days from now" lol...but yeah you're right...I'll just eliminate my sex from the situation. The problem is that I really already feel for him....I aint in love with him or nothin (HELL NO) but I do like him...and I hate it!!

[Lishy]

This is not just about sex hon! I thought that too with my f*** buddy but I know deep down it was far more!

 

Most women catch feelings once they have had sex with a guy - The thing is that guys can happily have sex and be fine that it is only sex.

 

Reading your words mirrors exactly my feelings with my f*** buddy - I told him last week not to contact me anymore, I had to actually end it with words as he kept contacting me (when it was convieniant for him) and I would end up thinking "Sod it, one more time wont hurt" and yet it DID hurt! It hurt alot!

 

Why hurt MYSELF like that? There are enough people out there who are willing to hurt us so why do we insist on hurting ourselves?

 

It took me nearly a year to finish something that should never have started!

 

Do I miss him? yes ... Do I feel relieved that he will not be contacting me for random sex when it suits him? YESSSSSSSSSSS

 

It feels good to know that he knows he cannot use my pussy when HE feels like it even though it didnt feel like that when I saw him!

 

I do not think you are ready to finish it with him, you sound like I did about 7 months ago lol - Get ready to feel like shyte! Its horrible but you have to really feel it to act on it!

 

Keep posting your updates!

[Javelin]

Brownshugahc,

 

You gave me awesome advice in my backwards situation, so I shall return the favor for you from a guy's perspective.

 

From reading your post it seems to me like your stuck between 2 sticks. You want to progress, but then there is this guy's record holding you back. Lishy made awesome points and like her, I too see red lights flashing upon this guy's face. Honestly, he's no good for you! "Once a cheater, always a cheater." He is still capable of doing so and the only difference is that he wont tell you about it.

 

So knowing what you know now, the choice is yours alone. We can only point you down several roads that'll lead you to where you want to be. I just hope you pick wisely.

 

The thing is that guys can happily have sex and be fine that it is only sex.

 

A majority yes, but not all. I could not have sex with a woman if I did not love her or vice versa. Its only something I'm willing to give if the feelings are there 100% from both of us.

[Lishy]

You are right, I should have said MOST guys! Sorry hon dont mean to tar you all with the same brush!

[brownshugahc]

You both have been so helpful to me!! (glad that advice could help on that backwards situation by the way)

 

Anywho...you two are correct...I see red flags too, MANY OF THEM, and I keep tolerating them because he's filling an empty hole I have in myself right now. I know he'd lie, he'd definately cheat and I don't trust him. He really is a cool person to hang out with, but as for relationships...no he is DEFINATELY not ready....he is selfish, tries not to approach conflict and jusitfies every thought and action with some made up "theory" he has created himself for why he does the things he does....almost like those guys who say "What she dont know wont hurt her" or those that say "When its a different area code, its not cheating" or he's my favorite..."If I dont remember it, it didn't really happen" LOL....I see warning signs all over him...so what to do now?? I have to end this. I can't go in a rage and start yelling and screaming, because technically I have allowed his actions to continue so he has truly done nothing wrong when I've been giving him consent....however, my feelings are involved and since he doesnt express his, I dont want to have to keep guessing if his are or not. I really want to sleep with someone who has mutual feelings...I just cant do the casual sex thing...its not my nature....THIS is the first experience I've ever had with it which is why it's taking so long to filter out of my system...it's so hard to accept that basically I'm getting "rejected" in feeling and accepted in sex...I don't like that feeling! And I know alllllll men aren't like this, but I'm such a s*** magnet that I attract all the ones who are. IT sucks...but its a learning process...again...thank you for the love and support while I'm dealing with this situation. It's been truly a trying experience for me. I'm a real head case right now about this...so bare with me lol

[Lishy]

Honey listening to you is like listening to myself until a few weeks ago! This started for me last May - Nearly a year of feeling rejected unless I offered sex! Wow how is that gonna make me feel? I will tell you how it made me feel ...... LIKE s***!

 

Yet I still kept justifying it, thinking "Its MY choice" "I want to have sex with him as he makes me feel so loved and safe" "What is wrong with having a FWB, its 2 adults" "He will decide he really likes me and wants to be with me if I act cool" "He really likes me but he is scared" "I will not contact him and he will realise he loves me" "I dont want him as my boyfriend I just want to shag him"

 

Inside it killed me and I didnt feel my feelings were justified as we were not in a relationship.

 

I told him once how I felt and he told me he really liked me but he didnt want anything serious with anyone as he wants to buy a house and go on holiday and how if I had met him a few years ago he would have fallen in love with me, how he had been f***ed over and hurt before and he wont allow it to happen again .... Blah blah fkn blah! If he was interested that much he would have walked over fire to be with me!

 

I wrote him a mail last week telling him not to contact me as it messes with my head! I feel so much better, I did not lead him for a reply to the mail and I let him know I was serious. It feels so good to know that in his head he wont think he can contact me when he wants to. This is the first time I have told him not to contact me.

 

I dont just want to be a f*** for ANY guy and it really did make me feel like I wasnt good enough to date, but good enough to f***!

 

Well this pussy is closed for business until I meet a guy worthy of it!

 

Have a good think about your situation and ask yourself if you are happy with it, if not then take action! Ultimatums don't work, actions speak louder than words!

 

No man respects a girl who does not respect herself!

 

Keep me updated baby!

 

[crazy_grl]

Here to add my voice to the "been there, done that. you sound like me." chorus.

 

It's not something I'd do again, and it's not something I'd recommend for you if you already have some feelings for this guy. If you want a relationship (that's a big IF, because he doesn't sound like he'd be a good bf), tell him that's what you want. Then if the answer is no (or, since they're likely to say almost anything to keep the commitment-free sex around, if the answer is anything other than an absolute "yes, be my girlfriend") ditch him.

[Javelin]

You are right, I should have said MOST guys! Sorry hon dont mean to tar you all with the same brush!

 

No worries at all.

 

I speak for the true men of the world, not those half-assed jerks.

[brownshugahc]

crazy grl I appreciate the input, definately WONDERFUL to know I'm not alone...definately good to hear the "DONT DO IT" voices of others...makes me feel better!!...javelin...speaking for all the "good men" is good...many men "speak for the good men" and they are a dog themselves...but reading your recent situation on here, I see you really are one of the good guys...GOOD LUCK:cool: ....lishy--you are most helpful! I can definately say that you influenced me to end this today...Like those voices in my head that were trying to tell me, I went ahead and listened with one more outsider pushing me to believe the voices in my head...I guess you were the cherry on top...because I ended it this afternoon.

 

Thing is...he said I'm "coo or whatever" and he "likes me, but not how I want him to"...he also basically said he's been "working things out" with his ex and if they choose to get back together, he will still want me in the picture...UGH WHAT A DOG!...so I told him I developed feelings and he tried to say "Well thats not my fault, so we should keep having sex"....WOW!!! right? So...he was definately kicked to the curb....I feel so dumb for letting it go on so long because I'm not this type of person for real...I like relationships...mutual sex and FEELINGSSSSS inside of it...I am a Pisces and we are THE MOT SENSITIVE zodiac sign!! lol...But after I made my little "putting my foot down" charade...he still didnt "understand" and just blew it off...so I did too...told him to take my number out his phone too...the funniest thing is...since "I" had the last word, it will bug him...because HE got dropped instead of dropping me...ya know?? And I know in a few weeks or months he'll contact me online again and to his surprise I will still reject him...(pray to God) and to my NOT surprise he will still be cheating on his ex. He's not with his ex currently, but he's thinking about getting back together...trying to say "Who knows...if we just keep doing what we do, maybe things will change" And I'm like NAAAWWW cause if you wanted to be with me, TRUST ME no matter how bad of a guy...how nasty of a Dog, he'd wanna settle--and move Heaven AND Hell to find away to at least TRY (similar to EXACTLY what Lishy said!!)....obviously if he's already had ONE girlfrend, he knows that he wants one...now whether or not he cheats LOL thats on him...but he cant play that whole "I dont want a girl role" with me...HORSE s*** But anyway...yeah, YOU GUYS f***ING ROCK!! I totally got rid of a problem from total strangers....Something that I couldnt heal in months you guys healed in days...INCREDIBLE!! Is there a telephone version of this game!??! HAHAHAHA

[crazy_grl]

he also basically said he's been "working things out" with his ex and if they choose to get back together, he will still want me in the picture...UGH WHAT A DOG!

 

Dog is right. Having a big d*ck is no excuse for being one. I feel bad for any future gf of his.

 

Congratulations on getting rid of him. That takes guts. I'm proud of ya.

 

In the future, if he happens to come back around, which he probably will cause he was rejected, stay strong. And if you need to, come back here and post.

[brownshugahc]

aww very sweet! Thank you...and yes, I'm really timid right now, so the healing will take a while...but I appreciate the support....Reaaaally I do! And hahaha...I'll be back here to post OFTEN...giving many updates for those of you who took the time to listen---thank you! May God Bless you all:o

[vi_pn_babe25]

Oh my gosh I'm glad I found this thread because I've been going through the same damn thing for 9 months!! I met this guy like I said 9 months ago a little after I broke up with my bf of 4 yrs, so I wasn't looking for anything too too serious, but I wasn't sure where this particular relationship would lead to...Well it pretty much has lead to us just being FWB. The problem is though that I fell into really liking him. He's actually one of my fantasy kind of guys, he played pro baseball which I've always wanted to be involved with someone who played professional sports-I don't know why lol- he's also very hot, fun to hang out with, and especially very good in bed. But there is a catch, he's also very cocky which I'm sure he got from playing pro for the major leagues. To get to the point though, we see each other twice a week at least, and most the time on the weekends, just to have sex or hang out like go to clubs or something. All along I kinda understood that it is what it is, but I definitely got my feelings too involved in the situation. He would give me confusing signals though like he would get jealous if I even talked to another guy, and he even mentioned one time that we should get a place together! Yet on the other hand, I would get opposite signals. And this just happened recently, but I was at a club with him, we were both pretty drunk, and I saw him talking with this girl which doesn't bother me, but it looked like he was trying to get her phone number(he didn't because he said the girl wouldn't give it to him, I understand why though because when he gets drunk he gets even more arrogant!) but anyways, I saw that as a threat so I called one of my guy friends right in front of him. Well he got mad and didn't want to talk to me for the rest of the night, but of course we ended up having sex at his place. But afterwards I could tell he was still mad because he ended up sleeping on the floor while I was in his bed. So when I woke up the next morning I asked if he was still mad at me, and he said why, so I was like what? And I said because I talked to my guy friend and he said, no it's not like we're gf and bf! When he said that I immediately knew that it really was what is was, and that he really didn't develop any feelings toward me, which made me feel stupid that I had feelings for him. Well when he said that I got angry and he said you just need to go home and get some sleep, and oh my god when he said that it just fueled my fire, so I told him to have a good one, slammed the door and left. And for once I felt like I had the power in the relationship and it felt good that I left. Well a week went by and I hadn't heard from him, so I called him because I guess I just didn't want to let him go, like I said I grew attached. He answered and then we saw each other again. And after that I kinda blew up his phone because I didn't know what was going to happen next. But he never answered, or returned my phone calls probably because he thought I was crazy,lol. So I got the hint and didn't call him for a month. Then just last weekend I got drunk with my friends and I guess I had the urge to drunk dial so I called him, luckily he didn't change his phone number lol, and he answered. So we talked and said he would call me the next day, he did, and today I went over to his place and had sex. I don't know why I gave into it, but I guess because I haven't fully recovered from getting over him. So uuhhh I don't know what to do, because it seems like we're getting back together again, which I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing. So please if anyone can help or give me some advice on what to do from this point it would be greatly appreciated!!! Sorry if this was too long of a story!! But I had to explain some things to get the whole picture ya know?

[vi_pn_babe25]

Oh my gosh I'm glad I found this thread because I've been going through the same damn thing for 9 months!! I met this guy like I said 9 months ago a little after I broke up with my bf of 4 yrs, so I wasn't looking for anything too too serious, but I wasn't sure where this particular relationship would lead to...Well it pretty much has lead to us just being FWB. The problem is though that I fell into really liking him. He's actually one of my fantasy kind of guys, he played pro baseball which I've always wanted to be involved with someone who played professional sports-I don't know why lol- he's also very hot, fun to hang out with, and especially very good in bed. But there is a catch, he's also very cocky which I'm sure he got from playing pro for the major leagues. To get to the point though, we see each other twice a week at least, and most the time on the weekends, just to have sex or hang out like go to clubs or something. All along I kinda understood that it is what it is, but I definitely got my feelings too involved in the situation. He would give me confusing signals though like he would get jealous if I even talked to another guy, and he even mentioned one time that we should get a place together! Yet on the other hand, I would get opposite signals. And this just happened recently, but I was at a club with him, we were both pretty drunk, and I saw him talking with this girl which doesn't bother me, but it looked like he was trying to get her phone number(he didn't because he said the girl wouldn't give it to him, I understand why though because when he gets drunk he gets even more arrogant!) but anyways, I saw that as a threat so I called one of my guy friends right in front of him. Well he got mad and didn't want to talk to me for the rest of the night, but of course we ended up having sex at his place. But afterwards I could tell he was still mad because he ended up sleeping on the floor while I was in his bed. So when I woke up the next morning I asked if he was still mad at me, and he said why, so I was like what? And I said because I talked to my guy friend and he said, no it's not like we're gf and bf! When he said that I immediately knew that it really was what is was, and that he really didn't develop any feelings toward me, which made me feel stupid that I had feelings for him. Well when he said that I got angry and he said you just need to go home and get some sleep, and oh my god when he said that it just fueled my fire, so I told him to have a good one, slammed the door and left. And for once I felt like I had the power in the relationship and it felt good that I left. Well a week went by and I hadn't heard from him, so I called him because I guess I just didn't want to let him go, like I said I grew attached. He answered and then we saw each other again. And after that I kinda blew up his phone because I didn't know what was going to happen next. But he never answered, or returned my phone calls probably because he thought I was crazy,lol. So I got the hint and didn't call him for a month. Then just last weekend I got drunk with my friends and I guess I had the urge to drunk dial so I called him, luckily he didn't change his phone number lol, and he answered. So we talked and said he would call me the next day, he did, and today I went over to his place and had sex. I don't know why I gave into it, but I guess because I haven't fully recovered from getting over him. So uuhhh I don't know what to do, because it seems like we're getting back together again, which I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing. So please if anyone can help or give me some advice on what to do from this point it would be greatly appreciated!!! Sorry if this was too long of a story!! But I had to explain some things to get the whole picture ya know?

[vi_pn_babe25]

I apologize I didn't mean to post that message twice!!

[crazy_grl]

vi_pn_babe25, you're more likely to get responses by starting a new thread, so I started one up for you here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=772323#post772323

[brownshugahc]

honey honey honey....no no no. (make sure u go back and read people's responses to my initial question that started this thread)

 

This situation you're in is a red damn flag....this guy has made it clear when he said "its not like you're my girlfriend"...that he wasn't interested in seeing you that way. Guys are shy when it comes to exposing feelings yes. And guys wont just jump up and down and say "I love you" like we expect HOWEVER...he woulda said SOMETHING to the effect that he had SOME interest. One thing I must say and have to REALLY hope you'll understand is that men DO NOT EQUATE FEELING AND LOVE TO SEX...AT ALL!! PERIOD!! LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN...MEN DO NOT EQUATE SEX TO FEELINGS....there are EXCEPTIONS of course...just like the exception of a stripper with no emotions...but ON AVERAGE...men can literally "like" you but not want to be with you....men can literally sleep with you, and HAVE ZERO EMOTION FOR YOU....men can do that because they are taught from BIRTH in all sorts of societal gender rules that SHOWING EMOTIONS IS BAD...men bottle up emotion...they hide emotion...they do this so they can keep manhood at bay...thats a rule for men...some men slip up and show emotion...some even master "showing emotion" so well that they get girls convinced that "This man must really be a sensitive guy"....but many men KNOW thats EXACTLY WHAT WOMEN LOOK FOR...so many will play the role and "fess up" to "false feelings" for a woman JUST BECAUSE HE KNOWS THATS WHAT SHE WANTS TO HEAR...this guys not stupid honey...he KNOWS the sex is great...and he knows you'll put up with it BECAUSE u like him...Let me give you an example...if you knew there was a celebrity out there...lets say Tom Cruise...and you have NO INTENTIONS OF BEING HIS GIRLFRIEND....wouldn't you STILL spend his money...answer his calls...have sex with him EVEN IF YOU DIDNT WANT HIM?!?!?! OF COURSE!! (and if you are not fond of Tom Cruise...than picture Taye Diggs or Paul Walker)...but ya know what I mean lol....The point is...NO MATTER WHO THE PERSON IS...if they are willing to bend over backwards for you...without you having to do JACK s*** for them...they will walk all over it...we as women do it by letting men cater us EVERYWHERE even when we dont like them...we score free drinks at bars, free dinners...FREE STUFF ALL DAY LONG just because we can...and men?? They score free sex ALLLL DDAAAYY LLOONNNGG just because they CAN!....And what makes this s*** so hard for you is that you actually like this guy...but trust me...if he's telling you "oh lets move in together" but he's not showing you ANYTHING ELSE BUT SOCIAL CLUBBING AND FREQUENT SEX...why stay when you want more??? Why change your beliefs in what YOU want...and change the pace YOU want to go for a man??? This man MAY be "hott" but why slow down your idea of "A DEFINATE MATCH" for you JUST BECAUSE you want this particular man who wants other things than what YOU do??? I know its hard cause you've fallen....trust me...its always hard to not wanna call right back after you tell his ass off...and its really hard to go DAYS AND DAYS without seeing him because its just easier to crumble and break down and have him ignore your calls than it is to just ignore his....I KNOW!! TRUST ME!!! But you have GOT to be strong. Picture this situation EXACTLY like if your best friend was telling you from YOUR SHOES....would you tell her to stay??? You've gotten enough strength to leave not only ONCE but SEVERAL TIMES...but you keep breaking back down to succomb to the hott looks and great sex....TRUST ME...its not worth it if you gotta blow up this mans phone and WAIT weeks for a call....THAT IS NOT MUTUAL....Trust me honey...if this man is interested...NO MATTER HOW MASCULINE AND ARROGANT HE IS...HE WOULD CALL!! When men see something they want they get it....but dont let him have the whole main course AND dessert without him paying for the meal in SOME way....you've been lettin this man dine for free....IT WILL BEAT YOU DOWN....let me tell ya...the only and I do mean ONLY way these FWB situations really work is if the two of you have ZERO feelings for each other and the two of you are NOT attractive to one of another...thats the ONLY way...but considering you are "falling" you are doomed...there's no other way to say it. I know you want me to try and justify it....but I cant---I wish I could tell you it'd "get better" but running back and forth between "wanting to be his girl" and wanting "just sex" ISNT POSSIBLE WHEN YOU HAVE FEELINGS....please get out while you can. It stings for a little while...but you really HAVE to start trying to move past him.

 

Please let me know if any of this advice helps...AND KEEP US POSTED!!

[Lishy]

Wow Brown I am a pisces too .... And so was my FWB!

 

He was not a player and he is an emotional man and I know if I had played it right when I first met him things would have been very different! II was just out of a 14 year realtionship and I told HIM that I didnt want anything but a casual thing! Then BAM I caught feelings and the rest is history!

 

It feels good to know that he now knows the shop is shut here!

 

And VI ...... You know what you have to do honey but you have to be ready to do it!

 

Good luck!

[Lishy]

Oh well, my ex FWB just came online and it is the first time I have seen him since I told him no contact and I feel like I want to get sick!

 

I could literally throw up!

 

I think I might actually love him, that is the first time I have admitted that to myself!

 

He is so not worth my love!

 

I could really cry!

 

Girls get out of your situations before you end up like me!

[vi_pn_babe25]

Lishy- it must be a pisces thing, lol because i'm a pisces too! and it's true, i've heard that pisces are usually more in touch with their emotions and are almost always caring, loving, peacemakers, for real, well like i said that's what i've heard anyway. but it seems to be true with me. well all i can say is be strong!!!-when u said he came back into the picture. i'm trying to be strong in my situation and yes it truly is difficult!!

[Butterflying]

I can totally relate to haveing great sex with a man, and alowing that to RULE my feelings for a man. The problem is...it's hard to disconnect feelings from sex.

 

If you can find a way to prevent falling in love with this man (because he is clearly not commitment material right now), then you shoud ENJOY HAVING THE BEST SEX YOU EVER HAD! However, I am concerned by things you've written here about 'seeing something in him' that makes you believe he will change. Huge mistake!!!

 

You are willing to have non-committed sex with him. Although there may be other ways the two of you connect, it's highly unlikely that he will ever want anything differently with you. More likely, he will keep you as a sidekick girl when he doesn't have anyone else. Look at the things that are right in front of your face; and stop looking beyond for things you "want" to see.

[brownshugahc]

hehe thanks butterflying....yeah, we had a deep discussion within EVERY post previous to your recent posting...but you had some good points too...I think you'd agree with what everyone else said too...we agree that men have a 2% chance of feeling ANYTHING different for a FWB.

[gemmab2020]

don't mean to be a bore.. but i also was in a similar situation, well alright, the exact same situation with a guy. Thought he was fab, I would have done anything for him etc.etc.etc.. point is, he would have done bog all for me at the end of the day, unless he was getting sex or a bj afterwards. We had unprotected sex one night, and I needed to go for some emergency contraception. I had only been lving here a short while and didn't really know my way around and I had asked him to give me a lift to doctors so I could get sorted out.

 

He told me he would have been round at 7, so 7:30 came and he wasn't answering his phone.... 8pm and still no answer... i didn't hear from him that night.

 

Still ended up in bed with him again though! Just kept hoping that he would wake up one morning and realise i was his dream babe and that he didn't want anyone but me.

 

 

Never happened!! He also tried to cop-off with my best mate. Suggested we move in together etc... etc... etc... Boy am i glad i didnt!!

 

I finally wised up to him and got him out of my life, and now the thoughts of him make my skin crawl.

 

I feel much better without having contact with him (unfortunately i have found myself a tossback of a boyfriend anyway. If you have read my thread you will know all about him)

 

I would never enter into a FWB situation EVER again!! Does nothing for your self-esteem and you only end up falling for the guy, and unfortunately it's usually one way street.

 

Good to see there is more than me hat has went through this. At the time, I felt tht I was on my own, but none of us have to suffer in silence!

I wish I had found this place sooner!!

 

oh, and vi_pn_babe, this applies to you too! I also read your thread but I am too tired to start writting again!!!

 

 

Chin up gir:plies!

[Fallen_Angel]

My FWB is ALSO a Pisces...weird, weird, weird.

 

Oh, and I'm nearing 25 and I still write in a journal. I have no plans to stop, either.