parental issues all around

[KrZyJLyn]

I'm sorry this is so long... some time you just have to get it all out.

 

I'm really beginning to hate parents. I don't know what to do any more.

 

I have always been raised very family oriented, but I'm just getting tired of it i don't want to deal with parents any more.

 

Both me and my boyfriend were raised to respect our parents... and it's really getting hard.

 

His family seems bipolar, and has no logic. One day they love him, one day they hate him. There is no reasoning. But in general, they hate me.

 

My family is psychotic, and has no logic. My father screams for no reason. My mother yells at me because of nit-picky petty little things- and she thinks I lie to her constantly. She doesn't believe a word I say... and she doesn't really like my boyfriend.

 

I know I'm not perfect, but I try really hard for my self. I am going to school for a dual major, and will graduate in (expected) 2009 with a Bachelors of Science in Industrial Enginerering and a Bachelors in Communication. I'll have senior status (determined by 95credit hours or higher) by about 2 months after my 19th birthday-- only my third semester as a full time college student. I also keep a 3.0 or higher. I have been lucky enought to get a scholarship from the university that covers the cost of tuition. I only have to pay for books, parking, etc. I have worked hard all of my life to be able to do better for my self than my parents did for them. I knew more *as far as books goes* than them while I was still in highschool.

 

I (18) still live at home so that I don't have to take out student loans for living expences. My boyfriend (20) still lives at home because of school (this is his last semester), and he has had a few major surgerys which his parents have funded. We are both just trying to make it right now, but our parents put such limitations on us, to conform to them, and break up with eachother.

 

The two of us are more in love than any love I've ever seen. We talk about marriage and our futures. I know we are young, and we do catch a lot of slack, because people say we don't know what we want yet, and we're not really in love.

 

We both had our futures planned before we met, we both are career driven, and motivated by affection. When we actually started going out, our plans just collided perfectly.

 

I don't know what advice i'm really looking for, just what I should do. I get yelled at all the time; he gets yelled at all the time. All we do is work, and school, and we try to see eachother maybe 2-3 times a week (at best).

 

But we never do anything right, we're "horrible children," we "don't respect our parents," we're "selfish."

 

We are just really dying from all of the negativity surrounding us constantly. He wants to move out this summer, and hopefully he'll be able to work a real job, and not for his parents. He's a mechanic, and after his surgery (on his leg) he's had to be off his feet for long periods of time. I would love to move in with him, and that's what he wants too.

 

I'm just afraid of us leaving our parents completely. Even though we really hate them, we have to live with them for the time being, and if we move out, we have to deal with other issues whith them.

 

How do you completely break away from the people you've lived with for 18-20 years without getting it worse than you already have it?

 

I just don't know what to do any more. I every day I get more depressed because I just can't take being treated like i'm a baby- like I don't know what I want in life, like I don't know how to make decisions for my self.

 

I didn't want to break away from my family. It's what I've been grounded in all of my life. But at this point I just can't take it (and neither can he).

 

I'm just looking for advice on how to make our life a little better. How to get through. What should I do?

[blind_otter]

Get the loans and move out. Some things are worth paying for. Independence is one of them.

 

You are probably chafing with the family rules. Once you reach a certain age you don't feel obligated to conform to your parents' rules as much. That's fine, and normal development, but when you live in their house and they pay for your s***, you're pretty much obligated to do that which makes you so uncomfortable.

 

When you move out you have to deal with a reduction in the style you're accustomed to living in but that will happen eventually, regardless.

 

Never choose a course of action based on fear.

[catgirl1927]

Get the loans and move out. Some things are worth paying for. Independence is one of them.

 

Awesome. SO true. People who love you want you to be happy. People who don't want you to be happy don't love you. If they don't love you you haven't lost anything.

 

I say just make moves to become more independent and do it as soon as possible. Abusers rarely want their victims to leave. Do it anyway.

[Guest]

Looks like we have a consensus so far- you should move out. I grew up in a very traditional family that also valued family ties, etc. I was expected to actually remain living at home until I was MARRIED. In my mid-teens, I was always afraid of what would happen it I didn't live there until I was married.

 

And then when I was 18 and moved away, I realized that nothing happened. All the threats and bullying put on me by my family were just threats. Sure, they were mad, but they got over it. Sure, they stuck to their word about not helping me out financially, but I'm in a better place for it. Once they realized that I was a legal adult and wouldn't be bullied by them anymore, they started to accept the fact that I was gone.

 

You sound like a good kid and anybody should be proud to have you as their daughter. Nobody is asking you to disown your family, but for your own sanity you should really get out. Lots of people have made it on their own when they were forced to- you are lucky and will probably be able to share the cost of living with your boyfriend! Getting untangled from family stuff is hard, but once you're out, you'll wonder what the fuss was all about.