Should I give him another chance?

[ginger1]

I need some unbiased advice on giving my ex-boyfriend another chance. We lived together for two years in which things were constantly up and down. I was sick of his lack of ambition, attitude, and just not listening to the things that I told him upset me.

Well, we've been apart now for 3 months and I truly miss him. Love was never an issue, just a lack of communication between us was a huge problem. We've been talking again and he is doing all of the things that I had wanted him to do when we were dating and he has show great improvements in the areas that we had major trouble. Not to mention that his communication skills have drastically improved.

I love him dearly, but am getting ALOT of negative comments from not only my friends, but also my family. My parents are totally against me dating him again, but I believe that people can change and if you care enough that you should give someone another chance. It truly bothers me that my own family doesn't support my feelings. Should I do what makes my family happy or give him another chance. I'm completely confused.

 

I would really love some advice.

Thanks, Ginger

[Still_In_Love]

I was sick of his lack of ambition, attitude, and just not listening to the things that I told him upset me.

Well, we've been apart now for 3 months and I truly miss him. Love was never an issue, just a lack of communication between us was a huge problem. We've been talking again and he is doing all of the things that I had wanted him to do when we were dating and he has show great improvements in the areas that we had major trouble. Not to mention that his communication skills have drastically improved.

I love him dearly, but am getting ALOT of negative comments from not only my friends, but also my family. My parents are totally against me dating him again, but I believe that people can change and if you care enough that you should give someone another chance. It truly bothers me that my own family doesn't support my feelings. Should I do what makes my family happy or give him another chance. I'm completely confused.

 

I would really love some advice.

Thanks, Ginger

 

 

You can get all the advice you want, but what should matter is what's in your heart. Your family and friends are important, but do they control your life and the decisions you make? As long as you are happy with the decisions you make I'm sure you will be supported. However, are these changes that you ex has made life changing or temporary. have you changed certain expectations as well? You both need to change and start over...not from where you left off! I'm sure you will find alot of advice from people that have "been there, done that" but that's my advice. good luck

[ginger1]

To give a quick insight into the things he's changed, some I guess could be temporary, but others are permanent. First off, for the first 6 months we dated, he didn't have a stable job, car, or drivers license, in which I had to pay all of the bills, PLUS drive him everywhere he needed to go. He did eventually get his license, and a steady job near then end of our relationship, but still didn't have a car. He now has a car even though he can walk to work. He said that he bought it because I wouldn't see him again until he proved he could take care of himself.

He has also improved on his communication with me. He ALWAYS asks my opinion on things and shows concern for how I feel. He has even agreed to go to church with me on Sundays (and if you knew him, this is a HUGE stretch!!!).

We have also both decided that instead of picking up where we left off, that starting fresh is the best idea. He calls me and asks me out for a date, or asks to take me to dinner. It's very sweet! He's not being pushy even though I'm the one who broke up with him.

 

Ginger

[crazy_grl]

Starting over at the beginning is good. Make sure you also take the relationship slowly so that you can see whether these changes are permanent or not.

 

As for your friends and family. You said it bothers you that they don't support your feelings. But you have to remember that they're just looking out for you. If they give you any criticism, tell them you appreciate them having your best interests at heart, but you're going to give your ex another chance. Explain that you understand their concerns, and you're going to be cautious about this relationship in order to see if he really has changed.

[ginger1]

Thank you for your advice. Sometimes I don't always trust my heart. I think I let what others think or tell me influence the decisions I make. I don't know why I do this, but getting opinions from people other than those who know me is sometimes much more helpful.

I would still appreciate any other comments or advice. It is a heavy weight in my heart to choose between what I want and what my family believes is best. I truly accept all advice or criticism with open arms.

 

Ginger

[murtucky]

why is it that you want him back again?

 

are you being clear as to the expectations you have?

 

I have a similar situation with an ex. She is poor at communication, and seriously became an idiot. Ups and downs all the time...

 

She calls me to get together, but i feel better not being around her. Being close to her is nice, but stresses me out...its all about her, most of the time.

 

Who cares if he changed or not? the important things is why is was that way in the beginning!

 

Are the factors that caused him to be an idiot any different? new friends, added responsibility, emotional maturity...etc.

 

take this one very slow, but i would say don't have any expectations on the situation. Keep expectations on yourself by adhering to personal goals. Believe in yourself, before you believe in others.