online divorce/do it yourself

[1AQUARIAN]

Seen people post that they used online divorce??? How does this work? Does it work for support too? If we are able to work all out(custody, support,assets,etc)..........do we still have to go to a lawyer to finalize things? What are the fees like?

if anyone has done this, can you please share your experience with me??

Thanks!

[Skeered]

I did my divorce 100% by myself. I have one child, however I didn't have any assets to split up as we had a bankruptcy that dissolved pretty much everything we had. I believe that getting your paperwork online and filling it out yourself is easy and much better monetarily if you have a spouse that is willing to work with you during the process and talk things out. In my case it ended up that my ex didn't even read the paperwork..I had him sign two documents and I went through a default hearing and mine was done in 2 months, support will start next month and I got sole custody of our daughter.

 

Any more questions please feel free to PM me...I responded to your other thread as well.

[1AQUARIAN]

Thanks so much for replying to BOTH of my posts! I don't think I have access to the PM thing. so I'm replying here.

The things you said about alcoholics really hit home for me! No matter how many times I said it, He never seemed to get how he hurt me doing all the sneaking, lying, stealing from me, etc. and THEN since we have separated he has been adament about "it takes two to tango".that I caused problems too. He just wouldn't accept that it was his drinking that was the cause of most of our problems.

I have been going to counseling for several months and have been going back and forth with this trying to work it out or not........and today I actually told my counselor, I FELT I NEEDED TO TRY TO SEE IF HE HAS CHANGED. And NOW after reading your reply, I see how dumb that is for me to do right now! You're right, we should stay separated until I'm SURE. This has been a week from Hell since I told him I wanted a divorce. He didn't "get it" last Saturday when I told him, so when we talked last Monday I brought it up again, and he BLEW! Then started the constant phone calls, calling every minute until I answered. Then When I answered the phone, the accusations of a boyfriend, the cursing, and the anger started. This went on for three days! I even called the police to see if there was anything I could do! Then The next day he called and apologized, said he doesn't want the divorce but he sees I do........then he said he wants us to be able to be friends, to hang out, etc....This is what got me all thinking he may have changed. Maybe just hoping! I think I've just been feeling pressured by everyone..........but I guess there's no time limit on separation right?

[Skeered]

No there is no time limit on seperation just make sure that during that time you are getting yourself the help you need. The thing is is you have enabled him with this addiction and now you feel a bit of responsibility to him...but case in point you don't. Maybe try some alanon meetings for yourself or keep going to your counseling and right now work on bringing back your self esteem. You feeling that you need to except this and pray that he's changed is not fair to you either. Your feelings on this matter do matter..and your hurts are real, don't dismiss them because he says he's changed.

 

My ex said all those same things and did all those same things to me..saying he didn't want the divorce etc. and then turning it around like oh I just want you to be happy and obviously I can't do that for you...blah blah blah. He tried pulling the guilt trip and the reverse psychology on me. But thankfully I got wise to what was really going on and the hurts that he was placing on myself and more importantly my daughter. He still tries to lay the guilt trip saying that he doesn't feel like a real dad anymore because he only gets her every other weekend, but when he has her he doesn't do anything with her. He just thinks it's makin him look like a "great" dad because he has his child every other weekend..now that the divorce is done, and he never read the paperwork things are coming to a head and he's going to start really showing his true colors. Again it's the alcholic blaming everyone else for his troubles when all he had to do was read papers and take some place in the divorce but he sat back and didn't do anything. Now I will be the "beotch" for it.

 

I'm tellin you all of that because I do know where you are coming from and it's a very tangled web, but just as an alcoholic has to fix their own problems for themselves a spouse of the alcoholic has to realize that they matter too and that by going back to an alcoholic before they are on the road to recovery is a form of enabling. Also you must remember that once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, so if you go back to him just know that this battle is never truly over. If he quits for a year and has ONE drink it will effect him like he never stopped. It is very much an illness, addiction and it never is totally healed. This will be somethin he deals with for life.

[PuppyDogEyes]

Seen people post that they used online divorce??? How does this work? Does it work for support too? If we are able to work all out(custody, support,assets,etc)..........do we still have to go to a lawyer to finalize things? What are the fees like?

if anyone has done this, can you please share your experience with me??

Thanks!

 

Hi. I recently filed for my own divorce using the "do it yourself" method. It's pretty easy and certainly a hell of a lot less expensive than using a lawyer. If your situation is such that there's not much conflict, or you don't have much in the way of assets, it's ideal.

 

For my particular situation, it worked out well. I made sure that I met the state requirements (usually a residence thing, you have to live in that state a certain period of time - for Maryland where I live, it's 1 year or more), filed papers for a small amount of money (100 dollars or less, usually), and your STBX is served. Depending on where they live, they have 30, 60 or 90 days to "answer" your suit (it was 60 days for me, since my XH lives out-of-state). The papers come back signed, that's it, one final hearing, and.. "Divorce granted." Nothing to it.

 

If you think your STBX is going to contest any part of the divorce, this method isn't going to work for you. If you have minor children and there's even a minor quibble about custody or visitation issues, this method isn't going to work for you. If you have a lot of debt that needs to be discharged or if you have a lot of assets, this method might work for you but you have to be really, really sharp about finances. This method works best for people who are divorcing amicably (if there is such a thing - but my XH and I parted friends, so it is possible, I suppose).

 

You shouldn't need a lawyer at any point of the process. You may need help from a friend or a detached third party, however, depending on the laws of your state. In Maryland, it is illegal to serve your STBX with the divorce papers - a third party must serve, whether it's the sheriff's office, a friend mailing the papers (registered mail, return receipt required), etc. I had a friend take the papers to the Post Office, did the registered mail bit, she signed the receipt for me, and I took it back to the courthouse - this was my proof that my XH was served. Laws might be different in your state.

 

Whatever you do as far as "DIY" divorce goes, definitely check the laws and requirements for your state - they vary wildly, along with the acceptable grounds for divorce, etc. DivorceNet was very helpful to me during this process. I would check them out.

 

"DIY" divorce worked in my case, and admittedly it's much easier.

 

-pde.

 

Additional edit: Also, depending on your state, you might be able to download the forms that you need and fill them out online. I was able to do this in Maryland, and it was very helpful. Try going to your state government website. They probably have valuable information there. Good luck!

[Trimmer]

In my state, if you are doing it together, then one spouse can be the "petitioner" and the spouse who is the "respondent' (who in the classic case would be served with the papers) can sign a "joinder" at the end of the initial petition for dissolution, which basically says that they are going along as a party to the proceedings, and this avoids even having to serve them with the papers - they "join" the process right from the start.

 

Also, if you have "workable disagreements", it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to ask the court to resolve them - we're anticipating generally doing it ourselves, but we also expect to sit down with a mediator for a few hours to guide us to resolutions on a few issues, then once we have all that settled, we just write up the agreements, and continue on the "DIY" course... Still much less expensive (and we hope, less adversarial) than going to separate lawyers and saying "here, you take care of this..."

[1AQUARIAN]

I'd like to learn more about this DIY online divorce. I looked on divorce.net and Florida DOES do this. Is completecase.com the one anyone has used? I am meeting with my STBXH Friday to "talk". Can someone share with me what is covered with this site? If we are able to be copereative with everything does it give guidelines for support? or do we need to work that out to the dollar? I have two teens, one 15 one 17, does the support change when my 17 YO turns 18? or does the amt stay the same till their both 18? What if I have a salary that varies week to week? What I am asking is....do the forms adjust for different situations.....Hoping to have him "allow" us to stay in home till their both our of HS and then sell and divide rpofit of hime....does it go in to that stuff? Just trying to see if this will work for my situation.thansk for any advice in advance!

[Skeered]

I know in AZ it's all explained and what you don't understand I was able to ask the information counter at the courts. There are child support calculators online in which you put your incomes and it figures what you pay for the children and it's seperated according to what you each make...like in my case I have one child, I make more and supply her insurance, he makes quite a bit less then me and doesn't provide her anything...sooo I pay 63% of her support and he pay the other 37% it's kinda lame but that's how mine worked out. As far as the one child being almost 18 at least here..when the child turns 18 no more support will be given, but you will still get the support for the other child but it won't be the same amount that you got with 2.

 

According to my paperwork it states as soon as the child turns 18, gets married, gets adopted, or dies the other parent has to pay.

[1AQUARIAN]

I was curious how the child support thing worked. I figured it would get lower when the one child turned 18, but do you have to go back to court, or is it already figured out ....."on such and such date the support goes down to $$$"?? And anyone know how they would work a "non-guaranteed salary"?? I have a job where my weekly income has been $25-$150....it's hard to know what it'll be week to week. Thank God I also have another job where I know what I make every two weeks! Even thought it's only part-time. And he has his regular full-time job, PLUS he had a second job.which he has left, but has now started another. I'm meeting with my H tomorrow, and am trying to get as much info as possible BEFORE I meet with him........he left me a note when he was here to see the kids last night, telling me "he's nervous about our talk".......I don't get it! About what? When we talked last week, I "thought" he understood this talk was to talk about "dividing things".in a way I feel like he thinks..."he has a chance" to work things out with us!!

I'm hoping to talk about how we can work things out with the divorce....custody, visititation ......which I don't think he'll have a problem with as is...he has them wed eves and every other weekend, yet wednesdays he comes over HERE, brings them dinner, visits a while and then leaves! At first I thought it was because he was working a second job, but he has left that job now. And then He has been taking them Saturday late afternoon and returning them Sunday eve. Again due to working. We have two vehicles.one he has is paid in full, mine is being financed.....HE INSISTED I get the "new car" back in NOV.......so, I'm hoping he will continue to help me make the payments for it. The house is the main issue! At first when we first separated, he told me "I could have everything including the house". since, during his anger outbursts he said "it was half his"....I have no problem selling the house and splitting the asset of it.....BUT I am hoping to do that in 3 years after both our children are 18 and graduated from high school.........So, being the house would STILL be in both our names, I was not sure how to do this.........does he pay half the mortgage?

I STILL Have so many questions EVEN though I have met with several lawyers for consultations.......they kind of talk in circles....

Thanks!

[Skeered]

Yes the child support would state the date that the support would go down or change...you would probably get information in the mail from the clearinghouse takin the money from H paycheck as to what the amount change would be. If not you can contact the courts after the oldest turns 18and see what it will be.

 

As far as the house, cars, assets etc. You can file for spousal maintenance if he makes considerably more than you and you won't be able to maintain things as they are...you can fill that paperwork out through the DIY divorce also. There is information on how you can apply and be granted assistance all written in there. The cars will be split, yours and his...maybe you guys could agree that you would take the paid off car and he would get yours, as far as the house you will be told to either sell it and split the assets, he can sign a quick claim deed which will then make you 100% responsible for the house and he pays nothing it also means that he signs away his rights to it so if you sell it he won't get anything. However usually with a quick claim he gets some money at the signing, depending on the house and the equity in it. You both will have to come to an agreement about what is best for both, financially, what you can afford and what he can afford.

 

As far as the amount you put down since your pay is never guaranteed I think what they will have you do is an estimate based on your previous pay, maybe going back a year or certain number of months.

 

When you talk with H, make sure that you keep things on the right track of why you are meeting...because he will try to woo you back into his good graces and if you have your mind set on divorcing keep on track with that. If you are certain there is no reparing this marriage. Write down everything you talk about and what you agree with so that when you fill out the paperwork nothing gets confussed. If you both can keep things civil and figure it out together than you will save a lot of time and money on this divorce. Also it's so much nicer for the kids to see you both dealing with it and working it out. My daughter said she didn't feel any different except she didn't see her dad everyday.

[1AQUARIAN]

SKEERED- thanks so much for all your advice! I guess I'll have to check into a home equity loan or something so I can "buy him out" from the house. I REALLY don't want to pick up and move my kids when they are so close to being 18 and on their own. And really after that, I don't need a four bedroom house. Right now that is my biggest concern. But, I wonder if I can even afford that! We owe like $60,000 on the house, and homes are going for around $200, 000 in our neighborhood....From what I understand I'd have to give him $70,000!! UNLESS I can get him to take less I guess!

So, tomorrow we meet to "talk". Guess that's where I'll get to see where his head is at! I'm expecting him to try to get me to change my mind.......I'll called him today about our "dinner" tomorrow, and he was all "nice", calling me "baby".....and of course ended our call with I love you. Really made me uncomfortable. So, I guess I'll just go throught the "issues" one at a time.......see where his head is on things.........and whether or not we can DO THIS amicably!

Florida does NOT have legal separation. So, there's no like "separation agreement" we can do "legally". And with the house in both our names, he can come back home any time he wants and has already threatened that once! So, I know it's either together or divorce. I don't think I can live separated for years like some people because of the fear of him just showing up at the house any time he feels like it. He still hangs out here with the kids when I'm at work instead of taking them somewhere else! I wouldn't be so bothered by it, but he has searched my dresser and stuff, and now I take anything I don't want him to see with me when I go to work! REDICULOUS!!

[Skeered]

Well I hope that your meeting goes smoothly and I hope that you can settle this whole thing out of court and move forward with your lives. The place you are in right now is hard, I know I just got out of it as I said before. Hang tough, it does get more stressful as you go through the process because right now he doesn't see the realness of the whole thing, once those papers are served it becomes a whole new ballgame. Don't let him bring you down, stick to your guns and soon it will be over...