Met a great girl (with a boyfriend)

[Cambric]

I found this forum after searching for some advice about an experience I recently had with a girl whom I knew vaguely (she is a friend of a friend). I went out of town to meet up with some friends. Well she was with a group of people that met up with my friends and we began flirting. We were drunk and some innocent hand holding and light kissing happened. I asked her if she was single and she said no and that he was out of town for the weekend. Ouch. I'm not a home-wrecker so I distanced myself from the situation. However, that was the only time ALL weekend that she mentioned him (and not even by name). I pretty much chalked it up to two people being drunk. However, the flirting continued through the next day. We were set to go out Saturday night when she said that she might come with us but had to rearrange her schedule to do so. She did so and came out with our group. Well the same flirting happened but this time she was 100% sober. Evidently my attraction for her was obvious as her roommate (and one of my good friends) asked if I "liked her". I told her that I really did and how it was unfortunate that she had a boyfriend. She gave me the "well you two would be perfect for each other." We left the bar and the night ended with this girl and I talking late into the night.

 

Normally, I would let this go but something was different about her. I am very attracted to her physically but even moreso I love her personality. And I think she was into me or she put on a really good act. I really want to pursue this but maybe I shouldn't. #1: Again, I'm not a home-wrecker. #2: I understand that if she would be willing to leave him, she could do the same to me. However, something was different. I haven't felt this way about someone in a while. Should I confide in my good friend (her roommate)? My guess is that she already told her that I liked her. I have no idea if her and her boyfriend's relationship solid, rocky, etc?

I have thought about it/her all day and think that I may just sit back and see what happens. If she contacts me or her roommate tells me anything, I will take that as a good sign. If not, I can just move on (even though that's not what I want).

 

Any advice/suggestions???

[tikigods]

She has a boyfriend and was all but willing to cheat on him while he was out of town, is this really a girl you want to be with? Regardless if he is a jerk or not, or whatever about their relationship, they are together and she doesn't care, all I can say is not a lot of class on her part.

 

As of right now you have no real choice but to move on, she is with someone else, and until she isn't then well, she won't be yours

[Bryanp]

I know you have heard this a thousand time but you need to hear one more time: If they cheat with you - they will cheat on you. Believe me I really know.

[Cambric]

It really is a girl I want to be with. That's what my thought process is right now. However, this could be a short-sided thought as its only been a few days. Maybe if I just give it some time, these feelings will pass and I can move on.

 

I kind of hinted at the fact that I KNOW I should move on but something is very different about this girl and this situation. I am REALLY into her which is not normal for me.

 

Another thing is that she didn't cheat with me. It could have possibly went that route but it didn't. But you are right (and I HAVE heard it a thousand times) that she could very well cheat on me too!

 

Maybe my judgement is a little clouded right now. I'm going to give it some time and see how I feel.

 

What about conveying my feelings (at least a little) to her roommate (my good friend)? Will that help to clarify anything? Maybe at least she could tell me if there is or isn't anything to dwell on...

[hyakku]

I know you have heard this a thousand time but you need to hear one more time: If they cheat with you - they will cheat on you. Believe me I really know.

 

Don't listen to that.

 

You like this girl.

You want this girl.

Go get the girl.

 

Thats all you have to do. Her relationship? Doesn't concern you, and obviously she doesn't want it to. Listen, you don't need to ask someone if they are single. If you all are hooking up, enjoying each other, and she has no problem with it, why are you asking if she's single or not? Obviously she likes YOU.

 

Go with the flow, and treat her like you would a single girl. If she wants to be with you she will be. And that once a cheat always a cheat is bs, if you are in a happy relationship cheating won't happen. If BOTH of you are happy, not just one person mind you.

[MadDog]

Treat others the way you want to be treated Cambric. I know it's not easy to think clearly when you've got the hots for a girl but you have to think about this: if you were her boyfriend, would you want some guy moving in on her because you're out of town?

 

She's obviously not helping the situation either and if I were her boyfriend and I found out how she was behaving, I'd dump her. At the same time, you can at least uphold a higher moral standard and let her know you won't get involved with her as long as she's with her boyfriend.

 

The others are right about her. If you two end up hooking up while she's still with her boyfriend, you'll never be able to trust her. If she ends up being your girlfriend, you'll have to keep your eye on her 24/7 to make sure she isn't going out with her friends, kissing guys and whatnot behind your back because you're at work, out of town, etc. That's no way to run a relationship.

[crazy_grl]

If there's one lesson I've learned lately, it's not to trust those feelings that tell you "this person is different". You seem to have pretty good judgement, but don't let your feelings get you mixed up.

 

Also, you said she didn't cheat with you, but you mentioned "light kissing". If *your* gf were doing what she was doing with you, wouldn't you consider that cheating?

[Cambric]

Thanks for the insight everyone. I agree with MadDog. I am not going to be "that guy" who cheats with a girl. I'm better than that.

 

crazy_grl- I wouldn't consider what we did cheating. It was very innocent. I definately wouldn't want my girlfriend doing that but I probably wouldn't break up with her for it.

 

Anyway, after thinking it over for the past few days I think I have come up with a good plan. I think I will make my feelings for her known through her roommate. I'm not going to pour my heart out or anything, just let her know that I'm very interested in her roommate. Then the ball is in her court. Sound like a plan???

[hyakku]

No....that doesn't sound like a plan at all.

 

If you are going to let her know, at least tell her yourself, directly or indirectly, don't let someone else do it, its high school.

 

Second, she knows your interested, you were kissing on her for God's sake.

 

To the people that say do as you would have others do unto you, if this guy is not satisfying her, and he is, he;s doing the guy a favor. She would have cheated with someone else anyway, besides, this other guy needs to learn how to become more interesting and a better person from this rather than stay in a relationship thats destined to end out of boredom. Finally, if you really think about it, there is no point in slowing down now. You were kissing and petting before you knew she had a boyfriend, why does this change anything? In fact, why would you ASK that? If she likes you, she will forget her boyfriend.

 

Really you need to just continue the process as normal instead of making up different rules. She's just another woman, treat her as such, don't change your ideas because of a guy she talks to thats miles away.

[Grinning Maniac]

Out of town...for the WEEKEND. This is not like there's some long-term abscense going on here, Hyakku. A weekend is two days. The guy is probably already back.

 

Listen Cambric...you know that if you were in this other guy's situation, you wouldn't want this happening to you. Show some respect for your fellow man. Regardless of the situation, making moves on other people while your bf/gf is out of town for two days is simply BAD FORM. It's cliche, but it's hard logic to deny...if she's willing to do this to the guy she's with now, what makes you so impervious to getting the same treatment in the future if things "work out"?

 

Because you're YOU? Give me a break.

 

Hyakku, your posts are just big chunks of sad delusion and egotism. You go on and on about how the girl's relationship is completely inconsequential and how Cambric would be doing the guy a favor by boinking his girlfriend. That's ridiculous. How is that possibly doing him a favor? He will be completely unaware of the boinking if the girl has anything to say about it. Convincing the girl to break up with the guy would might be doing him a favor. Get the bandaid ripped off quickly and without much suffering.

 

However, Cambric secretely slipping her the salami would NOT be doing him a favor, and would only prolong his misery in the end. So clearly you're a little warped. Lets call a spade a spade and admit that moving forward would only be doing a favor to Cambric's crotch.

 

Furthermore, you blather on as if the guy CLEARLY deserves this. You don't know him. The OP doesn't even know him. You are talking out of your ass, and there is no way around it. You don't know whether or not this guy IS boring and lame or whether the girl is just damned untrustworthy. You're just jumping to whatever conclusion will make Cambric's further pursuit of this girl justified in your own mind.

 

The guy could be "coolest-mofo-on-planet" for all you know. Sometimes people just cheat because they're a**h***s and want a little fun on the side. You DO know that, right? Ever heard of narcissism?

 

I'm sure you'll respond with some rubbish like "hurhur if he was a cool stud like me, she wouldn't be cheating", but that's bulls***. People do things for all sorts of reasons. Cheating is no different. You ever consider that this chick could just be impulsive and selfish? That's just as likely as any other possibility.

 

So come out of Candy Land, please.

 

And bottom line, even IF the guy isn't enough of a Casanova for this girl's tastes and that's the reason she's cheating, that STILL doesn't justify her cheating. She entered a relationship with this guy, and there is no reason why she should not be fully-capable of exiting it just as quickly, if she doesn't want to be with him anymore. Why cheat on him? What's the point?

 

Write him a Dear John letter and BOOM, relationship over, if that's how she wants to play it. But you're just suggesting that Cambric be an enabler to her dishonesty and cowardice. Really classy. I'm sure that's the perfect plan.

 

PS: Cambric, trying to pass along the secret message to one of her little friends is such a pussified thing to do. Don't bother. She already knows that you're interested. Just back off and if she ends things with her boyfriend, then pursue it if you really think it's worth it. But dating shady chicks is never too smart of an idea...

[aleatoryd]

Yeah I think Cambric sounds man enough to do the decent thing. I don't think guys should cheat with other guy's g/f. Imagine that happened to you. What kind of girl would that be anyway.

 

Questions:

 

1) What motivated all this going out?

2) Does this girl normally go out or only when the b/f not there?

3) What does your friend mean by "well you two would be perfect for each other."

4) Is she trying to set you up with her room mate?

 

Talk to your friend - not to intercede on yor behalf! Just find out more about this girl, her b/f that sort of thing. Ask questions and let reality and not fantasy dictate your decisions. Sometimes these things are just a bit of fun. People have strange ethics these days. If she really likes you she'll dump the guy... still does that make you believe things will be different for you?

 

If you are intent to follow up on this then your friend (her room mate) is the best person to lay it all down for you to understand. Only she can answer your questions. But don't hold up too much hope and be prepared to walk away.

 

Boyfriend should read that the girl is off the market... but don't treat women like objects. I know you don't think like that. Just respect others and be honest and the "decent thing" and all that - you'll do fine.

[hyakku]

Listen Cambric...you know that if you were in this other guy's situation, you wouldn't want this happening to you. Show some respect for your fellow man. Regardless of the situation, making moves on other people while your bf/gf is out of town for two days is simply BAD FORM. It's cliche, but it's hard logic to deny...if she's willing to do this to the guy she's with now, what makes you so impervious to getting the same treatment in the future if things "work out"?

 

Because you're YOU? Give me a break.

 

Hyakku, your posts are just big chunks of sad delusion and egotism. You go on and on about how the girl's relationship is completely inconsequential and how Cambric would be doing the guy a favor by boinking his girlfriend. That's ridiculous. How is that possibly doing him a favor? He will be completely unaware of the boinking if the girl has anything to say about it. Convincing the girl to break up with the guy would might be doing him a favor. Get the bandaid ripped off quickly and without much suffering.

 

However, Cambric secretely slipping her the salami would NOT be doing him a favor, and would only prolong his misery in the end. So clearly you're a little warped. Lets call a spade a spade and admit that moving forward would only be doing a favor to Cambric's crotch.

 

Furthermore, you blather on as if the guy CLEARLY deserves this. You don't know him. The OP doesn't even know him. You are talking out of your ass, and there is no way around it. You don't know whether or not this guy IS boring and lame or whether the girl is just damned untrustworthy. You're just jumping to whatever conclusion will make Cambric's further pursuit of this girl justified in your own mind.

 

The guy could be "coolest-mofo-on-planet" for all you know. Sometimes people just cheat because they're a**h***s and want a little fun on the side. You DO know that, right? Ever heard of narcissism?

 

I'm sure you'll respond with some rubbish like "hurhur if he was a cool stud like me, she wouldn't be cheating", but that's bulls***. People do things for all sorts of reasons. Cheating is no different. You ever consider that this chick could just be impulsive and selfish? That's just as likely as any other possibility.

 

So come out of Candy Land, please.

 

And bottom line, even IF the guy isn't enough of a Casanova for this girl's tastes and that's the reason she's cheating, that STILL doesn't justify her cheating. She entered a relationship with this guy, and there is no reason why she should not be fully-capable of exiting it just as quickly, if she doesn't want to be with him anymore. Why cheat on him? What's the point?

 

Write him a Dear John letter and BOOM, relationship over, if that's how she wants to play it. But you're just suggesting that Cambric be an enabler to her dishonesty and cowardice. Really classy. I'm sure that's the perfect plan.

 

PS: Cambric, trying to pass along the secret message to one of her little friends is such a pussified thing to do. Don't bother. She already knows that you're interested. Just back off and if she ends things with her boyfriend, then pursue it if you really think it's worth it. But dating shady chicks is never too smart of an idea...

 

What does it matter if he's out of town. Look at it this way, if you go to a club, meet a guy or girl, hook up with them, and get their number, and you don't know if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, why CONCERN yourself. The girl was obviously into him, all he did by asking that is kill the mood.

 

And using your own logic, she wouldn't cheat if she was happy, thats common sense. Unless she has some type of psychological disorder (which many are still in the stages of actually being confirmed as true), there's no other reason to cheat. She is no longer deriving the amount of pleasure she was when she enetered the relationship.

 

The sad thing is, people have no CONFIDENCE on these boards. It is because I'm ME. I'm unique, interesting, and a fun person to be with, and it comes across in my attitude, this is why i have so many people enjoy me. If she cheats on me, then I want to meet the guy she cheated with so I can become BETTER. I'm not gonna bitch and moan, sure she could've broken up with me, but in this manner I get to learn how I can improve and become even more awesome. That way when I meet the next women she will have an even BETTER time.

 

Don't ever, ever, convince someone to drop their boyfriend in the sense of telling them how much better you are. HOWEVER, if you are great enough and it comes out when she's around you she will want to drop her BF for you (I have had girls do this for me too).

 

Its funny because then we'll see a post in the breaking up forum about how she left him for some other guy while he was away on the weekend and we'll have a bunch of people giving bad advice like, "She's a slut! She's scum! She's wrong!! *More Ethical bulls***!!*"

 

Life is about pleasure. My idea is that the most important things are survival and pleasure. Survival because without living you can't do anything. Pleasure because if you aren't surviving pleasurably, then you are limited in all other ways and you are not truely living. Live life to enjoy it, not to set up so many rules that by the time you're done you're forced to settle down and have children because you wasted so much time.

I said IF this guy is niot satisfying her (which chances are he isn't thats why people cheat.)

 

IF this guy was the coolest mofo, his girl wouldn't have cheated on him, point blank. And flame all you want, I AM a cool person, and I'm not afraid to admit it, deal with it.

[Cambric]

I am man enough to do the right thing. Call me a pussy, call me old-fashioned, call me whatever you want but I am not going to break up someone's relationship because two people were drunk.

 

I was the "the boyfriend" in this situation about a year ago with my GF of 3 years. I remember how bad I felt and I wouldn't want anyone else to feel like that especially if it was because of me. That just isn't right.

 

Questions:

 

1) What motivated all this going out?

2) Does this girl normally go out or only when the b/f not there?

3) What does your friend mean by "well you two would be perfect for each other."

4) Is she trying to set you up with her room mate?

 

1) That's what I came there to do. Go out with friends that I don't see often.

2) No, she does both. I don't know how their relationship works but she never talks about him and I have met this girl a dozen times or more and have never met this guy.

3) I don't know what she meant. I am assuming she meant we had similar personalities and interests.

4) I think she WANTED to but she knows about the boyfriend.

 

I am going to hang out with the roommate this weekend so maybe I can get some more info. Maybe this girl will come with her, then I think her feelings for me would be settled. However, I won't pass on any messages through the roommate because I agree, that's high school.

 

The more I think about it, the more I think I should just let it go (even though I had an excellent time with her). There are plenty of other girls out there who are single...

[SmoochieFace]

Don't listen to that.

 

You like this girl.

You want this girl.

Go get the girl.

 

Thats all you have to do. Her relationship? Doesn't concern you, and obviously she doesn't want it to. Listen, you don't need to ask someone if they are single. If you all are hooking up, enjoying each other, and she has no problem with it, why are you asking if she's single or not? Obviously she likes YOU.

 

Go with the flow, and treat her like you would a single girl. If she wants to be with you she will be. And that once a cheat always a cheat is bs, if you are in a happy relationship cheating won't happen. If BOTH of you are happy, not just one person mind you.

 

No. more like don't listen to YOU!

 

Absolutely HORRIBLE *advice*. The fact that you are advocating that the OP basically should just ignore the fact that the girl IS in a relationship and that he should just *get her* is breathtakingly outrageous and is a clear reflection of your selfish and deficient character. I hope that the OP has much higher standards AND self-respect than that.

 

*shaking my head*

 

You know... the more people I run into...

[2sunny]

C-

 

I believe you should have an honest discussion with the gal you are interested in. Make your feelings known to her.

 

She will need to decide if she chooses to let the other guy go BEFORE she continues anything further with you.

 

If she doesn't, then you have your answer.

 

If she does get rid of him, she has followed a path that is more acceptable of someone who is not going behind her love interests back.

 

Then and only then you can both pursue a relationship without the guilt and dishonesty from the start. This is a more honest approach....

 

First you need to lay it out for her - your feelings - I mean... then see what path she takes. That will tell you everything.

[catgirl1927]

If she'll just cheat with you, she'll cheat on you. I'm just saying.

[SmoochieFace]

The sad thing is, people have no CONFIDENCE on these boards.

 

This has nothing to do with *confidence*.

 

 

And flame all you want, I AM a cool person, and I'm not afraid to admit it, deal with it.

 

...

 

I am reminded of this... those who have to say that they are *cool* are, in all probability, not cool. If you really were cool, you wouldn't have to say so. Your actions would do it for you.

 

And your so-called *advice* here demonstrates that you are far from being *cool*, amigo. Nothing *cool* at all about being an a**h*** who's willing to break up a relationship simply because *life is all about pleasure*.

[SmoochieFace]

If she'll just cheat with you, she'll cheat on you. I'm just saying.

 

Agree 150%.

 

If she does that then she is not worth having as a partner. No way.

[2sunny]

Jeeeez,

 

To say that people on these boards have NO CONFIDENCE is such a broad stroke it's pathetic. Grow up!

 

I HATE it when people generalize....

[crazy_grl]

The sad thing is, people have no CONFIDENCE on these boards.

 

If she cheats on me, then I want to meet the guy she cheated with so I can become BETTER. I'm not gonna bitch and moan, sure she could've broken up with me, but in this manner I get to learn how I can improve and become even more awesome. That way when I meet the next women she will have an even BETTER time.

 

Ah you're so right. If only we all had the confidence to run around changing ourselves to be more like the person who our SO cheated on us with so we can be more amusing to our next SO. If only we all had the confidence to live our lives like we're freakin circus clowns responsible for the entertainment of our SO to keep them from wandering instead of being able *be ourselves* and trust our SO's to be honorable people and treat us with respect. Thank you for giving me such amazing insight into relationships.

 

Anyway... Cambric, if you don't consider what she did cheating and you'd be able to handle that kind of thing from your gf, then next time you see her, you should talk to her. Tell her you're interested.

[SmoochieFace]

To say that people on these boards have NO CONFIDENCE is such a broad stroke it's pathetic.

 

Not to mention illogical too.

[reservoirdog1]

Cambric, overall I have to commend you for the stand you're taking. You're demonstrating that you have principles and a conscience, and won't compromise them for anybody. Even for a hot girl you'd like to f***.

 

That doesn't mean you can't make your feelings known. Next time you see her/talk to her, if she starts to become flirtatious, you can say "hey, I think you're amazing. I could see something happening between us. But I'm not going down that road while you're with somebody else. Maybe other guys are okay with that. But not me."

 

This demonstrates to her something important about you. You're showing her that you have self control, that you're the master of your impulses and urges, not the other way around. Not like most of the monkeys out there, who would f*** anyone, any time if given half the chance.

 

Subtly you're telling her "hey, you're hot, but you're not THAT hot." And if she considers herself to be THAT hot, then she expects guys to be trying like hell to get into her pants. But with you, she'll be perplexed and want you even more.

 

Then it's up to her -- does she ditch her BF for a chance with you? Who knows? Nothing morally wrong with that. People dump others all the time. There's no moral requirement that we not dump anybody.

 

(BTW, I am purposely avoiding the whole issue of whether or not you should be with somebody who was willing to cheat on her BF. Others have quoted the maxim to you already. Personally I wouldn't, but that's a decision only you can make.)

[aleatoryd]

Cambric don't listen to all this stupid debating and stuff. I think we can agree that you have the life experience and moral resolve to do the right thing. To some people getting drunk and having a good time with someone isn't considered cheating. It's a blurred line.

 

I am going to hang out with the roommate this weekend so maybe I can get some more info. Maybe this girl will come with her, then I think her feelings for me would be settled. However, I won't pass on any messages through the roommate because I agree, that's high school.

 

That sounds like good sense and straight headed talking. You are an adult and the more you know about this situation with her b/f the more informed you are. The reality is that he could be a good bloke or a bad bloke, they could be unhappy, they might be happy. You don't know and until you can assess the situation you shouldn't say anything to the girl.

 

After all if you suddenly "declared your undying love" for someone you hardly know that could make the girl freak out. Until you know her situation and she leaves her b/f (if she does) then you treat her like a friend and respect her relationship. Acting right here and whether things go one way or the other you're be better for it. Trust me. You're doing fine.

[aleatoryd]

Life is about pleasure. My idea is that the most important things are survival and pleasure. Survival because without living you can't do anything. Pleasure because if you aren't surviving pleasurably, then you are limited in all other ways and you are not truely living. Live life to enjoy it, not to set up so many rules that by the time you're done you're forced to settle down and have children because you wasted so much time.

 

What is this "survival and pleasure" BS about hyakku? Some of what your wrote isn't pure dribble but IMHO while you have some valid points in your 1st, 2nd, 4th and 5th paragraphs the way you express them make people want to flame you! It's not about setting rules it's about moral fibre and respecting others - having boundaries to your actions. If you feel forced to "settle down and have children" then please don't bother adding to the gene pool!

 

The sad thing is, people have no CONFIDENCE on these boards. It is because I'm ME. I'm unique, interesting, and a fun person to be with, and it comes across in my attitude, this is why i have so many people enjoy me. If she cheats on me, then I want to meet the guy she cheated with so I can become BETTER. I'm not gonna bitch and moan, sure she could've broken up with me, but in this manner I get to learn how I can improve and become even more awesome. That way when I meet the next women she will have an even BETTER time.

 

If people lack confidence then it's for a reason. They come on here and people help them. Sometimes it's not about a lack of confidence it's about humility. If you aren't bothered about you g/f leaving you or cheating with another guy then I either respect that you for having the maturity to deal with it or I think you aren't really in love with your g/f. I suspect the latter. I wish you luck in becoming "even more awesome" and BETTER. When she leaves you for someone who really understands her feel free to come back and spill your heart out to the rest of this board.

 

We all strive to be the best in our relationships and experience teaches us many things but if you live to be "BETTER" each time through relationship after relationship that isn't a sign to me that you are improving. It just says to me you never actually got it in the first place. Breaking up with someone and moving on while it happens all too often it's not a healthy way to go about life.

 

Its funny because then we'll see a post in the breaking up forum about how she left him for some other guy while he was away on the weekend and we'll have a bunch of people giving bad advice like, "She's a slut! She's scum! She's wrong!! *More Ethical bulls***!!*"

 

I agree with that. It is ethical bullsh*t. People have no right to judge and hurl names. But when we post on a thread it is to help the poster move on and deal with their situation - empathise and support. People, even you (LOL) have a right toi their opinion and do what they like. As I said some of what you say makes sense. It's when you advocate cr*p that I draw the line.

 

And flame all you want, I AM a cool person, and I'm not afraid to admit it, deal with it.

 

It's not about flaming you. I agreed with most of your insight into situations like this. But I disagree with some of you ideas, and it isn't all black and white or about stereotyping people as lacking confidence, or needing to live for survival and pleasure. What kind of comment is "Survival because without living you can't do anything." It's rather obvious. And as for "live life to enjoy it" I don't think anyone lives life to be miserable. Enjoy your awesomeness and I hope you get BETTER soon.

[hyakku]

No. more like don't listen to YOU!

 

Absolutely HORRIBLE *advice*. The fact that you are advocating that the OP basically should just ignore the fact that the girl IS in a relationship and that he should just *get her* is breathtakingly outrageous and is a clear reflection of your selfish and deficient character. I hope that the OP has much higher standards AND self-respect than that.

 

So the OP sacrifices his happiness for someone he doesn't know because of what...ethics? You found someone you enjoy, ENJOY them, you make things too complicated.

 

I believe you should have an honest discussion with the gal you are interested in. Make your feelings known to her.

 

SHE KNOWS HIS FEELINGS. Do not go tell her you like her, obviously you did or you wouldn't have been MAKING OUT with her in the first place.

 

This has nothing to do with *confidence*.

 

I wasn't responding to the OP I was responding to Grinning Maniac, my fault, I didn't post right.

 

I am reminded of this... those who have to say that they are *cool* are, in all probability, not cool. If you really were cool, you wouldn't have to say so. Your actions would do it for you.

 

Ah like the saying goes, A rich man doesn't have to tell you he's rich. But we are on the internet, you'll have to trust me on that, or don't it doesn't matter to me.

 

Ah you're so right. If only we all had the confidence to run around changing ourselves to be more like the person who our SO cheated on us with so we can be more amusing to our next SO. If only we all had the confidence to live our lives like we're freakin circus clowns responsible for the entertainment of our SO to keep them from wandering instead of being able *be ourselves* and trust our SO's to be honorable people and treat us with respect. Thank you for giving me such amazing insight into relationships.

 

I did not say that, I said that I can improve, as in to build on. Take the proactive road, sure it hurts, but thats no longer your business, so take advantage of the situation and learn your weak points and where you can improve. That's why no one is honest when they break up, because the truth is too real. I mean one guy up here got cheated on and the girl said he was, "paranoid, clingy, insecure, and untrusting", yet instead of going, "Hey maybe I should at least look at some of these.", he ran up her and posted how bad she was.

 

Source:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t87231/

 

It's not about setting rules it's about moral fibre and respecting others - having boundaries to your actions.

 

More ethical views. I'm not gonna debate who's ethics are right, but I personally feel that its not your right to monitor someone else's relationship if they are interested in you.

 

If people lack confidence then it's for a reason. They come on here and people help them. Sometimes it's not about a lack of confidence it's about humility. If you aren't bothered about you g/f leaving you or cheating with another guy then I either respect that you for having the maturity to deal with it or I think you aren't really in love with your g/f. I suspect the latter. I wish you luck in becoming "even more awesome" and BETTER. When she leaves you for someone who really understands her feel free to come back and spill your heart out to the rest of this board.

 

We all strive to be the best in our relationships and experience teaches us many things but if you live to be "BETTER" each time through relationship after relationship that isn't a sign to me that you are improving. It just says to me you never actually got it in the first place. Breaking up with someone and moving on while it happens all too often it's not a healthy way to go about life.

 

What you are saying then, is that I should instead, take nothing from any relationships and regress to the point I was at before I entered the relationship? That makes no sense. If a relationship ends, there's obviously a reason, if I understand this reason I gain knowledge, and when you gain knowledge you are more effective. Why is it good to become BETTER for your next partner? So that they can appreciate YOU more and you can give them satisfaction and in turn they will want to give you satisfaction, and you then receive pleasure.

 

Thank you for the luck , I hope I won't need it .