gemmab2020 Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 it's a bit of a tricky one. You cannot pass the opportunity of true love up because of her already having a boyfriend. You need to find out atleast how she feels about it all, and how she feels about her current boyfirned. I assume they aren't married or living together?? The only way things are going to get sorted is by speaking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 WHat's wrong with just telling her you want her, and asking her to ditch the boyfriend? You get the girl, and the bf gets out of a relationship with a girl who's not really into him. Much better than trying to slip the salami on the sly. Link to post Share on other sites
aleatoryd Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 What you are saying then, is that I should instead, take nothing from any relationships and regress to the point I was at before I entered the relationship? That makes no sense. If a relationship ends, there's obviously a reason, if I understand this reason I gain knowledge, and when you gain knowledge you are more effective. Why is it good to become BETTER for your next partner? So that they can appreciate YOU more and you can give them satisfaction and in turn they will want to give you satisfaction, and you then receive pleasure. Thank you for the luck , I hope I won't need it . lol! I hope you don't need luck hyakku but all the best anyway. I think I misread your bit about being better wrong. As I said before - I agree with most of what you say, and respect your different view of things. I was just wary of advocating that we just enter relationships and learn then move on. It sounded that you were being carefree about relationships. I realise now where you are coming from so I understand you point! Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 I did not say that, I said that I can improve, as in to build on. Take the proactive road, sure it hurts, but thats no longer your business, so take advantage of the situation and learn your weak points and where you can improve. That's why no one is honest when they break up, because the truth is too real. I mean one guy up here got cheated on and the girl said he was, "paranoid, clingy, insecure, and untrusting", yet instead of going, "Hey maybe I should at least look at some of these.", he ran up her and posted how bad she was. I think you made your point better this time. But what I was trying to illustrate is if you're cheated on, it may not have anything to do with the person your SO is cheating with being better. In fact, sometimes they may be very much worse in both your eyes and your SO's. It's true that people cheat because there's something they're missing, but for some people, no gf or bf is going to be able to give them what's missing no matter how great they are. Or that person may be better in your SO's eyes but not yours and not necessarily in your potential future SO's. I fail to see the point in meeting the guy, because even if you did, the only way for you to know what it is that your gf saw in him is to take her word for it. Unless your gf tells you why he's more appealing, you're left guessing and you may pick a very unattractive quality to emulate in him. So why not just take her word for it. The fact that you said you wanted to meet the guy made it sound not like you were trying to improve qualities about yourself that your gf had issues with but that you wanted to immitate the other guy, which is just as unhealthy as not trying to improve yourself at all. And you've not given any arguement to support why a person should not just wait to be with the person they want to be with until *after* they've broken up with their current SO. You're already giving someone the bad news that they're being rejected, why rub salt in the wound by adding the fact that you betrayed their trust too. Anyway, that's about all I've got to say about that since we've drifted off topic and I don't think we're going to convince you it's not okay to cheat any more than you're going to convince us that it is. So... Cambric, have you talked to this girl at all yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cambric Posted April 27, 2006 Author Share Posted April 27, 2006 So... Cambric, have you talked to this girl at all yet? Nope, not yet. I am hoping to talk to her directly or at least to 2 of her roommates that are coming to visit for my birthday this weekend. I will get some info out of them and then see how to proceed. I'll keep you posted. P.S. Thanks for all of the advice so far! Link to post Share on other sites
hyakku Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Or that person may be better in your SO's eyes but not yours and not necessarily in your potential future SO's. I fail to see the point in meeting the guy, because even if you did, the only way for you to know what it is that your gf saw in him is to take her word for it. Unless your gf tells you why he's more appealing, you're left guessing and you may pick a very unattractive quality to emulate in him. So why not just take her word for it. The fact that you said you wanted to meet the guy made it sound not like you were trying to improve qualities about yourself that your gf had issues with but that you wanted to immitate the other guy, which is just as unhealthy as not trying to improve yourself at all. And you've not given any arguement to support why a person should not just wait to be with the person they want to be with until *after* they've broken up with their current SO. You're already giving someone the bad news that they're being rejected, why rub salt in the wound by adding the fact that you betrayed their trust too. First things first. Unrequited love is a perversion. Learned that a while back (thanks Nightgod of CAD ). Two. Why not just wait? I understand where you are coming from, but my opposing view is this. If you are so engaged in this other person and really enjoying them, are you gonna stop a perfect evening to say, "Wait, I'm going to ditch my boyfriend, instead of just enjoying the night, I'm gonna tell him tommorow morning then we'll get back to this." (Breaking up over the phone is messed up lol). But you are right, and I will admit, if it gets that bad, then just call them and break up with them on the spot. Though some people stick in relationships for other reasons and cheat. They may not be happy but they may be sticking around for their kids, job, house, whatever. Sorry for the misunderstanding. My mindset is this, you can learn something from everyone. If this guy took your girl he obviously did SOMETHING to do it. If its good, I can integrate it into my life and do it in my own unique way. If its bad, I can know to AVOID it at all costs. Either way you can learn from both the good and the bad. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Nope, not yet. I am hoping to talk to her directly or at least to 2 of her roommates that are coming to visit for my birthday this weekend. I will get some info out of them and then see how to proceed. I'll keep you posted. Well whoever you talk to, I hope there's good news for ya... like she broke up with her bf. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Two. Why not just wait? I understand where you are coming from, but my opposing view is this. If you are so engaged in this other person and really enjoying them, are you gonna stop a perfect evening to say, "Wait, I'm going to ditch my boyfriend, instead of just enjoying the night, I'm gonna tell him tommorow morning then we'll get back to this." (Breaking up over the phone is messed up lol). But you are right, and I will admit, if it gets that bad, then just call them and break up with them on the spot. Thanks for explaining. I can see your viewpoint and I can *almost* agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
aleatoryd Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Thanks for explaining. I can see your viewpoint and I can *almost* agree with you. hyakku does make a lot of sense but his answers aren't always right for everyone. Same as my answers are also flawed - I say it how I see it with my "moral and ethical BS" lol and he lays it straight as well. Can't fault that. Good job I respect other people's opinions Link to post Share on other sites
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