guys, is hooking up with your female friends normal?

[crazy_grl]

Given only this information, what would your opinion be of a guy who's made out with and/or had sex with almost every close female friend he's got over the course of about 10 years (mostly high school friends and sometimes it was when they had BFs)? And the one girl he hasn't gotten with during that time, he's trying to.

 

Is this a normal type of behavior for guys?

 

Guys, do you hook up with a lot of your female friends? If you don't, would you if you had the chance??

[MadDog]

My opinion would be, he's a bit of a tool. Hooking up with a girl with a boyfriend is always in bad taste, especially if she's supposed to be his friend.

[crazy_grl]

Thanks for answering, MadDog. Here's the reason I asked. The guy I've been interested in told me all this yesterday. I knew he'd messed around with some of his friends, but not to that extent.

 

I agree with you that a guy shouldn't mess around with a girl who has a bf (especially if he knows the girl's bf). When I said that though, this guy and our other guy friend seemed to disagree and thought it was ok because it's the girl's choice to mess around on her bf, not theirs.

 

Anyway, logically I can't think of a reason why making out with your friends and other people's girlfriends when you're single is a bad thing, but this info is a major turn-off, so I just wanted to see what other people thought.

[tikigods]

I would think of this guy as a man whore that really has no shame, and just likes to conqure and leave.

[blind_otter]

 

Anyway, logically I can't think of a reason why making out with your friends and other people's girlfriends when you're single is a bad thing, but this info is a major turn-off, so I just wanted to see what other people thought.

 

I think that people who would be ok with being used by someone to cheat on their partner probably don't respect the whole committment thing in general. I mean, if you can't respect other people's committments, it's hypocritical to assume that your partner will respect your committment, right?

 

either that or it reflects a ver selfish attitude about sex, where they think about their view of the situation but are unable to see it from anyone else's.

[basscatcher]

I agree with tikigods.

 

This guy is a man-whore. He is out to please himself and doesn't care about the women. This shows even more true with the fact that he was with a girl who had/has a bf.

 

He is a user. He is a player. He will cheat on you if you hook up with him.

 

What the hell do you see in a man like this? Just good looks and a flirtaous personality. Frankly, you are looking to get hurt, used and possibly contract a STD..

 

He is a puke and I wouldn't waste my time on a guy like this. You deserve better. You deserve a guy who respects himself and most importantly respects women as human beings and not sexual toys...

 

Ughh. This is making me: just thinking about this guy.

[crazy_grl]

I think that people who would be ok with being used by someone to cheat on their partner probably don't respect the whole committment thing in general. I mean, if you can't respect other people's committments, it's hypocritical to assume that your partner will respect your committment, right?

 

either that or it reflects a ver selfish attitude about sex, where they think about their view of the situation but are unable to see it from anyone else's.

 

Thanks for your thoughts and helping put the idea of why that type of behavior is not a good sign into something tangible.

 

Actually when I asked whether he'd ever messed around with his friends while he had a gf, he said he hadn't and he wouldn't. But I'm kinda doubtful of that because of the apparent lack of respect he has for relationships.

[crazy_grl]

He is a puke and I wouldn't waste my time on a guy like this. You deserve better. You deserve a guy who respects himself and most importantly respects women as human beings and not sexual toys...

 

Ughh. This is making me: just thinking about this guy.

 

Well, the thing is that I work with this guy. And while neither of us date people we work with, I'm looking for a new job, so I had thought maybe I'd give him a shot once I left. We've worked together for around 9 months, and he's one of the most responsible people here. He's also a really nice guy. And I admire that he had the dedication to lose a lot of weight and get in shape, because he used to be a pretty chubby guy. That kind of thing isn't easy. Also, he's a more outgoing guy than I usually go out with.

 

But the conversation yesterday just gave me a completely different view of him. I was appalled that he'd get with a girl who has a bf, and the idea of somebody messin around with all their friends of the opposite sex to me is gross. If a girl did that, she'd be called any number of vulgar names.

 

When I couldn't think of a reason for *why* that's gross, I thought maybe I was just lookin for things to be wrong with him. I just wish I could say from a logical standpoint why the hookin up with friends thing bothers me more than hookin up with girls who have a bf.

 

Thanks for the advice. I think you're right. He does seem like a nice guy, but not bf material.

[basscatcher]

I think you're right. He does seem like a nice guy, but not bf material.

 

Defentity not bf material..

 

He doesn't have respect for sex.

He doesn't respect woman.

He doesn't respect himself.

 

I'd bet he uses sex as a powerbooster of his own ego.

If he use to be chubby, I would dare bet to say, that he has insecurity issues and now that he lost weight and toned up he is getting the attention he only dreamed of before he is abusing it.

 

Attention starvation to attention gorging can be a unhealthy addiction.

I suffer from this a bit.

When I began to get attention from the opposite sex I went crazy on it. I accepted any kind of attention just to get it.

 

I think your friend might be addiction to female attention and he uses sex also for that affection. He doesn't have respect for sex. Using his female friends and they using him is very unhealthy; not only mentally and emotionally but also physically.

 

I think you would really end up hurt and disappointed with him. You may also end up in a habit of trying to fix him all the time.

[crazy_grl]

He doesn't have respect for sex.

He doesn't respect woman.

He doesn't respect himself.

 

I think that pretty much says why I find it such a turn off. That and the lack of respect for friendship. If a person can't respect friendship, can they really respect a deeper relationship?

 

You're possibly right about the female attention thing too.

 

And now that I'm really thinking about it, there's also a few other reasons why he's not right for me.

 

Again, thanks for your help.

[aleatoryd]

Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I would respect others relationships. Sure it takes two to tango but what kind of a guy hangs around other people's relationships for the intention of sex? I'd say he has no respect for relationship - maybe he just doesn't understand. To him it's a game except people get hurt and emotionally damaged by this. This is very unhealthy behaviour.

 

If you want FWB with this guy that's your choice BUT don't ever think this guy would respect a relationship. If you give him what he wants he'd probably just use you and walk away. Even if he stayed how do you know he'd care for you or wouldn't screw behind your back. Guys like this don't respect relationships, don't respect women (seeing them as sexual objects to conquer and abandon) and probably doesn't respect himself.

 

To him and his friends it's just a power/ego thing. I'd question the kind of people he hangs around with. When I was growing up we had a friend who slept with nearly half our football team. I didn't want anything to doo with her. Casual sex is okay for those who don't value it or want commited relationships. All these years later and the people screwing around are stil doing it trading STDs, unhappiness and never really understanding anything other than physical gratification and lust. A sad place to be.

 

Do yourself a favour - I think you know you can do much better. Take care and good luck.

[crazy_grl]

If you want FWB with this guy that's your choice BUT don't ever think this guy would respect a relationship.

 

He ought to know by now that I'm not interested in that type of arrangement. And if he ever seems to have any questions about whether I am, I intend to set him straight.

 

You're right. He's not right for me. Thanks for responding.

[Curmudgeon]

Not normal for me and I think it shows a lack of character, a deficit of moral fiber and some pretty ignorant, unintelligent or very needy female friends.

 

I've only had two female friends I've "hooked up with" and both of them I married, but not at the same time.

 

I wouldn't even if I had the chance.

[westernxer]

...what would your opinion be of a guy who's made out with and/or had sex with almost every close female friend he's got over the course of about 10 years?

 

Sounds like a typical guy to me. Most guys aren't in it for the friendship.

[Pyro]

Sounds like a typical guy to me. Most guys aren't in it for the friendship.

 

True that.

I on the other hand do have female friends that are only friends and nothing more. Its ridiculous to pretend to be a friend with a female, just because you want to get with them.

[aleatoryd]

^^^^ I agree

 

Distinguish between true friendship and those this out for ulterior motives. Just friendship with the opposite sex well that can be complicated but at least you like them for who they are regarless of what does and doesn't happen. In my case it is just friends no funny business - that wouldn't be honest. People who secretly want more well we've all done that but you have to have respect for a person and not just fade in and out of other people's lives just because you want something. That's just selfish. True friendship is not selfish.

 

crazy_grl I don't actually agree with FWB I just wanted to clarify your position and show you this guy isn't good for you. I know you'll make the right decision. All the best

[Craig]

Guys, do you hook up with a lot of your female friends?

Never. Thought about it yes, but whatever part of me that over-rides biological urges won't allow me to do that.

 

If you don't, would you if you had the chance??

Never would I cross that line. If it's a friendship, that is what it is nothing more.

 

That guy sounds like someone to avoid even as a friend.

[crazy_grl]

Thanks for the responses guys. Glad to know there are men out there who think like you guys do.

 

Sounds like a typical guy to me. Most guys aren't in it for the friendship.

 

This actually made me think. I realize I asked if it was normal, and I'd place bets on the fact that that you're right. But I don't want a typical guy. I want a f*ckin great guy.

[brownshugahc]

everyones got the right idea here...this guy is a pig. He's made out with all of his female FRIENDS?!? The point of "friend" states that you DONT cross those boundaries BECAUSE they are your friend....now if this guy is "making friends" just to "makeout" with them...then he's not making friends at all...his making "prospects" "clients" and for a better term "f*** buddies"....no man who respects his friend ever crosses the boundary of inducting her into the "Will you sleep with me" hall of fame...and if these lines are crossed either the friendship progresses into a relationship...or the man didnt think much of the friendship i nthe first place....in my experience of having a male friends who have done this...Men do not jeopardize a friendship for a booty call...that is almost common for EVERY man and a friendship with a female. And another fact to point out is if a man has bumped her down to "friend" he's not attracted to her in THAT sense most likely....or he'd already have tried, disregarding "just friends" i nthe first place....honey, sounds to me like you got a player on your hands...don't bother with him

[crazy_grl]

He's made out with all of his female FRIENDS?!? The point of "friend" states that you DONT cross those boundaries BECAUSE they are your friend....

 

As something slightly in his defense, he's only hooked up with them when they were both drunk. He says he feels wrong about doing it when he's sober (except for with one girl). BUT not in his defense, I don't think being drunk is a vallid excuse for behaving in ways you know you shouldn't, especially if you're deliberately using it to get away with something.

 

now if this guy is "making friends" just to "makeout" with them...then he's not making friends at all...his making "prospects" "clients" and for a better term "f*** buddies"....

 

Also in his defense, he's not making friends to screw around with them. These girls have been his friends since high school. They're all part of a circle of friends, and I'm willing to bet that there was a time he wasn't messing around with any of them. This is completely speculation, but they may not have been interested in doing anything with him when he was overweight. That's something I might ask him about, because I'm curious.

 

Anyway I don't think he pretends to be friends with other girls he's trying to hook up with.

 

no man who respects his friend ever crosses the boundary of inducting her into the "Will you sleep with me" hall of fame...and if these lines are crossed either the friendship progresses into a relationship...or the man didnt think much of the friendship i nthe first place....in my experience of having a male friends who have done this...Men do not jeopardize a friendship for a booty call...that is almost common for EVERY man and a friendship with a female. And another fact to point out is if a man has bumped her down to "friend" he's not attracted to her in THAT sense most likely....or he'd already have tried, disregarding "just friends" i nthe first place....

 

I think you're right-on on this.