Can't Stop Cheating!!! Feeling Guilty!! Insecure!

[jULIAN M]

Ok I need Help!! Here's My story Summed up! Any and all good advice is needed. I've searched the net for answers and or advice for my situation and most answers are catered for females, So I figure other guys can gain something from the advice and answers I get from here too!

 

-We met about 3 years ago and started dating. We dated about a month b4 we first had sex. She said she only had sex with her BF's. She told me she was in Love with me and I told her I loved her but I was Lying, and told her I would be her BF just to Have Sex with her.

 

-Because I didnt really want to be in a relationship I was still having sex with other ladies. I told her the truth about a month later, by this time I was really developing feelings for her(my first Love) and told her I would leave the other girls alone and be faithful to her.

 

-About a year into the relationship I cheated on her with several woman, I began to feel extremely guilty and it start eating me up to the point where it would cause me to argue with her over little things. I finally confesed to cheating on her and we broke up for about a week but we got back togethr to work things out.

 

-After we got back together I continued cheating on her and the guilt trips start coming back, but I didnt tell her what was going on. About this same time she acquired a new male friend! She said they frequented the same clubs and thats why she stayed in contact with him. I became suspicous of this and told her to stop talking to him. She Lied to me and continued talking to him behind my back, and eventually slept with him. One night he called at 3am and I answered the phone, I then confronted her, she then told me that she couldn't stand the fact that I answered her phone and that since I didnt trust her she was breaking up with me. Several Days later she confessed to me, and I confessed to her. We promised to work thing out.

 

-about 8months later she caught me cheating again(found used condom in my apt), We broke up again and she began seeing someone else about 3 weeks later. she had problems with this new dude and came back to me, and said she wanted to be with me, we had sex, then 2 days later she said that she dosnt want to be with anybody right now and left me, come to find out she went back with the other guy. Then they get into it again and she comes back to me, this time we don't have sex because she was having sex with the other guy, and didnt want to be sexually involved with both of us at the same time. Then about a week later we agree that we will just be sex partners and friends. So she continues to date and spend a night with this other dude, and date and have sex with me. This goes on for about 3 weeks and then she decides she just wants to be with me again. So we get back together and everthing is cool.....

 

-So now I go and cheat on her again (I know I have a problem with sex, it's just that when she gets in the I dont want to have sex mood it frustrates me and I go elsewhere), she dosnt know, Or at least thats what I think. So here is where my insecurity comes in. She says that she dosnt like to have sex with me anymore because I don't satisfy her. So this past weekend she and her girlfriend take a trip to Vegas. I ask if I can go and she tells me No, I ask her why and she says because theres not enough room and a variety of other excuses, so come to find out their going out there with her GF's Male room mate, when I find out and confront her, she says she lied to me because she knew I would have a problem because there was a male going on the trip (this guy is also friends with the guy she was with on our last breakup) and she thought I would assume his friend we be going and I would cause trouble.

 

- Now what do I do I really Love this woman, I'm about to start counseling for my Problem, but how do I make this work with her, she lied to me, and I know I've been dishonest myself, I'm confused, should I try to salvage this relationship or just let it go and learn from my mistakes and move on???

Please Help

[Grinning Maniac]

Here's my advice:

 

1) Go into your kitchen.

2) Find a bottle of Drain-O or household bleach.

3) Open the bottle.

4) Chug.

 

Is this a real thread? I'm skeptical. I actually lost count of how many times each of you have cheated on each other. This relationship could not possibly be more disfunctional. What's the point of dragging it on? You two should not be together, and the fact that you're missing that obvious reality is the reason why I think my previous advice is the best way to go.

 

You don't need to date each other anymore. I'd suggest you both start seeing therapists and not date anyone else for a very long while. Have your other relationships been like this one? (If this is not a joke thread)

 

(Also get an STD test done immediately...though if you follow my advice this will be unnecessary.)

 

PS: Don't breed. Kthxbye.

[whichwayisup]

You're pissed because she cheated or might cheat on you after you cheated on her like 100 f***ing times and she took you back over and over and over again? Maybe NOW you are getting a taste of your own medicine of what it's like, how it feels to be cheated upon. Now you know how she's been feeling everytime you've cheated on HER.

 

The good thing is, you're going to get help for this problem. And it IS a huge problem.

 

Right now the best thing you can do for her is let her go. You are a serial cheater and aren't capable of making a full committment to her. Maybe later in the future...But not now. It isn't fair to keep her waiting in the wings for you, all things considering.

[aleatoryd]

You only have your self to blame. You had her in a commited relationship which you repeatedly trashed and still do! What and you wonder why she starts to devalue the relationship and go with different guys. It's like Frankensteins monster - you created her. I suggest you either deal with your own issues first and if you really love her do the decent thing and stay faithful. She's paying you back in kind and if she likes sleeping with other guys more than you well it's a taste of your own medicine.

 

I don't want to sound like I'm flaming you. It's just well I'm sure you understand this situation arose because of how you treated her. Learn your lesson and give her space. Sounds to me you should be thankful she's even coming back to you. Two wrongs don't make a right so maybe she shouldn't lie to you but in this case you are being a hypocrite. You are the problem here. I wish you all the best in sorting yourself out.

[Julian M]

thanx for the advice, Today she told me that she wanted to break up WITH ME SO SHE COULD have some space and grow as a person, and she said she hoped that one day in the future if it's meant to be that we could get back together and have a meaningul relationship, she also let me know that she wished that I could just be patient because she dosnt want me to get involved with some one else and start a serious relationship, because she believes that this is just a phase and that she most likely would lke to be with me in the future. Now to answer some questions for you guys, We have both been tested and are Negative for any and all std's, when we were with other people we practiced safe sex!!

 

-Now another dilemna I'm facing, I really Love this woman and now I feel heartbroke, but I know it's all my fault, and that I have to give her time and space to heal, and I also know that there is a possibility that we may never get back together. What should I do to get my mind right? I don't want to jump into another relationship right now, and I'm not about to just go out and start dating, I know that I should involve myself more in my work and hobbies, but I just don't see myself without her!

 

Once again thanx for taking the time to respond to my situation

[mental_traveller]

Just stick to f**k-buddies and open relationships from now on, you're obviously not ready to be faithful in a committed relationship, so why cause pain and contort yourself into trying to be something you're not? You get to sleep with more women, without the hassle or worry of cheating behind someone's back - what's not to like?

[Noos]

Stop kidding yourself Julian M. You don't love her - you use her as a safety net while you go looking for a new girlfriend. Don't waste this woman's youth. Break up with her for good, don't ever see her again, and let her have a chance of finding happiness with someone who will care for her.

[catgirl1927]

If you really love her, call her right now and dump her. Never speak to her again. Oh, before you hang up, be sure to tell her to go to her doctor and get herself tested because lord knows what diseases you could have given her by now.

[Guest]

hi!

My name's yanet.I honestly think that to work this relationship out is gonna be extremely hard if not impossible.Because you both have lost respect and trust for each other{the two most important keys to a relationship. She began lyihng to you why, because of you. You started cheating and made her loose her trust in you when you lied to her about loving her. You do have a serious problem ,do you honestly love this girl??If you do do you really think she has to put up with all of the cgeating that you do? You have to grow up mentally and stop thinking about sedx all the time. Sex is not worth loosing someone you love and care about,it's really not worth itl.Be a man and be there for your woman and love her. I hope you can work things out with her but don't be surprised if you fight alot over things because she does not trust you.You have to gain her trust back.

good luck!