Question

[Worried Wife]

Thanks to all who responded to my message. As of now, I havn't spoken directly to my husband since monday and according to him, all was fine. But as it turns out, all is not fine. I guess the true purpose of his visit to another state was to "re-live" his single days of staying out all night and not worrying about anybody but himself. Had he been honest with me about the reasons for his visit, I may not be in the place I am now. As for me the feeling of rejection and abandonment has definitely sunk in. What I am wondering is would I be jumping the gun if I called it quits after only one week of this type of uncommitted behavior? For me, actions speak louder than words and what I'm hearing is "I want out", from him. I know I can make it on my own. I graduate in May of 2002 w/a bachelors degree in a field that despeately needs people, so I will have the ability to support my daughter. I am young, pretty, and am told I'm fun to be around, so thoughts of me spending my days as an "old spinster" are rubbish. I guess since for me, the thoughs of accepting this and moving on are already in my head, I'm not sure if this marriage is worth saving, which is sad for the sake of my daughter. My thoughts just havn't been confirmed yet by my spouse, verbally. I guess I will know when he finally returns home whether this is something worth "trying" to save. And I know that I can not change the way my spouse feels about me, but it makes it more difficult when he tells me "I love you and miss you", and then does everything to tell me the opposite. One day he's fine, the next day he's unsure of his feelings. (Maybe he's bipolar, anyways.) Thanks for listining, and again I am sorry for being such a "downer", I usually can't whipe the smile off my face, but this week it's different.

[clia]

I think the two of you got married too young and now your husband is starting to realize what he missed. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you or regrets your marriage or daughter. I don't think it necessarily means that he wants out. It just means that he wants to regain some of the things he missed out on. I tend to think that you shouldn't jump the gun on this and assume that your marriage is over. There's no reason why he can't go out with his friends and have a good time, just as there's no reason why you can't do the same. You need to talk to him about this as soon as possible. Tell him exactly what you've told the board. Go into it with an open mind. People change as they get older--you couldn't have thought that everything would remain exactly as it is forever. Maybe he just needs some space for a little while, to do some different things and experience life. It doesn't mean he's out cheating. Tell him that's fine, as long as you get your space, too, to go out with your friends and do things you want to do. Just communicate with him before you give up on everything.

Thanks to all who responded to my message. As of now, I havn't spoken directly to my husband since monday and according to him, all was fine. But as it turns out, all is not fine. I guess the true purpose of his visit to another state was to "re-live" his single days of staying out all night and not worrying about anybody but himself. Had he been honest with me about the reasons for his visit, I may not be in the place I am now. As for me the feeling of rejection and abandonment has definitely sunk in. What I am wondering is would I be jumping the gun if I called it quits after only one week of this type of uncommitted behavior? For me, actions speak louder than words and what I'm hearing is "I want out", from him. I know I can make it on my own. I graduate in May of 2002 w/a bachelors degree in a field that despeately needs people, so I will have the ability to support my daughter. I am young, pretty, and am told I'm fun to be around, so thoughts of me spending my days as an "old spinster" are rubbish. I guess since for me, the thoughs of accepting this and moving on are already in my head, I'm not sure if this marriage is worth saving, which is sad for the sake of my daughter. My thoughts just havn't been confirmed yet by my spouse, verbally. I guess I will know when he finally returns home whether this is something worth "trying" to save. And I know that I can not change the way my spouse feels about me, but it makes it more difficult when he tells me "I love you and miss you", and then does everything to tell me the opposite. One day he's fine, the next day he's unsure of his feelings. (Maybe he's bipolar, anyways.) Thanks for listining, and again I am sorry for being such a "downer", I usually can't whipe the smile off my face, but this week it's different.